Fate Sucks
by TheWrittenSorcerer
Summary: What will happen as Harry starts to remember life as Lina Inverse, Sorceress extraordinaire, bandit killer, dragon spooker? What happens when Petunia reveals her biggest secret? Pure Insanity! Hints of Yaoi, Het, Yuri. Dumbles! Bashing Good! Weasleys Chimaera! Gourry Goddess-like! Lily. First 7 Chapters rewritten.
1. Dang, A long Buried Truth

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

**Enter Dream Sequence:**

_**Harry tossed and turned at night, his body sweating as his mind raced:**_

_** "Gourry you idiot, How don't you know who Shabranigdo is?" He exasperatedly asked his blonde companion.**_

_**Scenes like this plagued his mind, and as time went by he noticed an unfailing attraction toward the buffoon that made him completely repulsed. This Gourry was less intelligent than Crabbe and Goyle, which he had thought was impossible before. **_

_** "Gourry, I love you."**_

A 12 year old Harry woke with a scream. _It was a nightmare,_ he thought,_ Just a horrible, horrible nightmare._

"Who is Gourry?" Harry thought out loud. He heard rustling around in the hall and figured that Uncle Vernon must be awake. Harry got out of bed and pulled on his least dirty pair of pants and a shirt, both of which still had holes in them. _At least I won't have to be woken up by Aunt Petunia today, _Harry thought happily, _though she is nicer than Uncle Vernon._

His memory of the dream still fresh in his mind, unusual for him, got him thinking for the rest of the day. As he cooked breakfast, washed Uncle Vernon's car, mowed the lawn, weeded the gardens, watered the gardens, and painted the garage (it was pealing). Finally it rested on one thing, a chant.

'_**Light which burns beyond crimson flame,**_

_**Let thy power gather in my hand,**_

_**LIGHTNING'**_

Harry spoke the words and was startled by the effect, light was pouring from his hands, without his wand. His mind went through what he knew of magic (first year education = What is happening). Magic required a wand, his logic went. Logic dictates that he was unusual, and exception to the rule. Logic also dictates that as he was under-age but not using a wand, they would think it was accidental magic. Accidental magic isn't punishable by law. This could work in his favour. He smirked at the thought, things working in his favour would work for him.

His line of thought stopped as he heard Aunt Petunia call him into the house. His Aunt had been rather kind to him as of late. She didn't seem to fear him at least, which was one good thing. As he walked into the house she pulled him aside softly.

"Harry, you and I both know you aren't supposed to do magic outside of school," she started, causing Harry to wonder when and where she had learned that, and why the other two didn't know already if she did, "and we both know that if the others knew you would be locked in your room. That being said, I haven't been honest with you, or the others."

Harry wondered what she could be talking about. She hardly talked to him before this summer, and now she was talking to him more than ever.

"I know a little magic Harry."

Harry thought that the world might explode.

"Its not a branch of magic used much any more, it's called sorcery. It isn't used because of the high amount of power needed to use it."

And now he knew it had to explode soon.

"And that's what you just did."

And now his life was derailing from normalcy. In his mind he could see himself waving goodbye to the normalcy that he had obtained. He quickly thought, _not that it was a lot of normalcy, _spitefully.

"In fact normally, as I am the only sorcerer listed within a two hundred kilometre radius I would have to train you."

_'What is going on.'_

"Your Uncle doesn't know about my sorcery."

_'That seems like a big secret to keep.'_

She looked at him and gestured with her hands.

_**Oh Blessed Humble hand of God,**_

_**Life and Breath of Mother Earth,**_

_**Come Before me and show your great compassion and deliver us:**_

_**RECOVERY**_

His light sunburns started to fade away, and within minutes were completely healed. That he hadn't noticed his sunburns pain until it was gone was frightening in itself. _When did my tolerance to pain reached that level?_ He questioned himself, truthfully finding no answer for it.

Needless to say he was gaping at his aunt. His absolutely normal Aunt Petunia knew healing magic, and if she knew healing magic what else did she know. What struck him as most odd was that she had healed him.

"You have to understand Harry, witches and wizards hate sorcerers. They can't use our magic, but we can use theirs. We are born with a lot more magic then they are, and they get jealous, hateful and often afraid. It is what Lily had against me. I couldn't go to the wizards school due to prejudice," Petunia explained, "Even that Snape boy Lily was always around knew that it was a stupid thing. McGonagall, the professor of Lily's, had to explain why I couldn't go to Hogwarts, and found me a tutor in Sorcery."

It was making sense, sort of. Lily was able to be around peers and Petunia had been jealous. As soon as I got my Hogwarts letter Petunia wrote me off as a wizard and decided I was good for nothing, but what changed.

"Why have you been nicer to me this summer if you hate wizards? I mean, neither of us knew I could do sorcery until today."

"I started feeling that stirring within you. The same one I felt at your age. The one that proved me to be a sorcerer, though my stirring was around ten really. I guess that's when we become too powerful for wizards to want us."

"Why do I have the feeling sorcery has gone down hill in the last few centuries?" He asked his aunt.

"Probably because magic users have weakened to the point that most of the mages are now wizard level and can't invoke the higher beings."

"Is that what sorcery is, invocation?" He asked for clarification.

"Pretty much."

"Ah."

**A good enough end, tell me what you think. It starts his second year. He will probably keep his sorcery a secret, though his full powers came in later than usual no one should notice, right? Maybe. **


	2. A New Spell and Some Background Knowledg

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

It was the night after Aunt Petunia revealed everything to him, and he still couldn't believe it. He had seen and felt his Aunt's magical power and yet it was still unbelievable. How hadn't he noticed? The way his Aunt had been able to take control of the Uncle Vernon situation. Obviously her presence. It was so strong, How did Hagrid not feel it back then when it was so obvious? Then again it's Hagrid. He tried to raise a dragon in a wooden hut. But obviously the ministry would be able to detect it, how would they not. They could detect even accidental magic. Or maybe a sorceress was just too high end for them.

With thought on his mind Harry fell into a fitful slumber, his thoughts swirling swiftly, though eventually defeated by his dreams.

_**Start Dream Sequence:**_

_** "Zelgadis is trying to awaken Shabranigdo," a man in red cloth said.**_

_** As before the dream sequence went onward and upward. Harry learned spell after spell to defeat Zelgadis, a chimaera of demon, Golem and human, and then the man in red cloth after Zelgadis was proven innocent. He won. He saw his reflection this time. A small person who wore a cape and had red hair and eyes. Petite. Oh, how he would harm those who said he was petite or small. An unbridled fury at those who said it. **_

_** "Rezo was his ancestor." Yes, Rezo even admitted it at times. The horrible man who used his own grandson as an experiment. Rezo was the name of the red clothed man,and yes, he was Zelgadis's grandfather. Shabranigdo was sealed in his eyes, blinding him physically to the world and mentally to his own avarice. Shabranigdo was a demon of indescribable power. Rezo was destroyed in the summoning and the shard of Shabranigdo was destroyed by him The Pink Sorceress.**_

_**End Dream Sequence:**_

"Aunt Petunia," Harry asked after Vernon was gone to work and Dudley was out at 'tea' with Piers, "Who is Rezo the red priest?" Harry was eating what Petunia fed him, as she did whenever they were alone. He almost choked, startled by the resounding crash.

Petunia dropped the glass she was holding, a shattering across the floor. She looked down and pointed a finger, the glass levitated and then repaired itself. "He was a traitor to the great lady, Lina the Pink. He attempted to get her to make it easier to summon the greatest evil to the world in return for his sight back. He was foolish and thought he wouldn't die from the strain." She looked at Harry seriously, "You should never want to be anything like that man. He was powerful, but he was evil."

Harry looked at her seriously, as though sensing a secret, but then dropped it. "Yes Aunt Petunia." _I wish I could remember all of that dream,_ he thought to himself.

"Good, now wash up, today is your first lesson in practical sorcery. Its not all battle and healing you know."

Harry washed his hands and his plate and reported to his aunt who made the basement their room.

"Okay, a simple repair works well in most situations. Remember, simple for a sorcerer can be up to a house."

"Yes Aunt Petunia."

"I'm going to break a lot of stuff just to show you, nearly everything non-electronic. I would do the electronics, but wizards have a point. Electricity doesn't work well around magic. I hardened all of this to my magic levels, but it doesn't work without the hardening, and doesn't work well because your sorcery has awoken."

"Yes Aunt Petunia." Harry was eager to see more magic, it wasn't anything like what they taught at Hogwarts.

_**Source of all power,**_

_**Crimson light burning bright,**_

_**FLARE ARROW**_

A multitude of tiny arrows of a hardened type of fire hit the furniture in the room, skilfully avoiding the electronics and breaking the furniture in half at the least.

"Now you may want to write down that spell, it will save you in a pinch, especially if you overpower it like I just did. Remember, there is no overkill." Petunia was going to pound that point into his head even if she had to use a mallet. Never again would she lose family members to the Wizarding World.

"Yes Aunt Petunia," Harry said with much more excitement, running and getting parchment and a quill and starting to write the words.

"Why are you using that archaic stuff when it isn't even school. You can use anything you want to write it down." Petunia was smiling though, a hint of compassion flowing through her eyes.

"I need the practice Aunt Petunia, what if my handwriting with a quill gets worse."

"Good point." She admitted.

"Thank you Aunt Petunia."

"Okay now watch this spell and write these words carefully."

_**Gods of the Hearth and Home,**_

_**Reverse the damage,**_

_**RECTIFY**_

The Damaged furniture repaired itself, jumping into the air and moulding back together as though it hadn't ever been broken. Harry looked amazed, reparo could only do one item at a time and was never that good.

"Now that spell is a must for spell damaged housing, or cleaning the magical tavern your master had trashed in an attempt to stop himself from getting beaten up by wizards." She said wizards with obvious disgust, Harry wondered what else wizards had done to her. He wouldn't wonder long. "How they even dared to say that sorcerers had no place in magical society, and that we should all die. Don't they know all magic users had come from sorcery. If not for us they wouldn't exist."

_'Are wizards really that hypocritical?'_Harry thought. He decided, after looking at memories of how Ron acted like Malfoy sometimes, yes, yes they are.

"Would my wizard friends hate me if they knew about sorcery?" Harry asked his aunt.

"The muggleborns might not hate you, but the pure-blood supremacists will without a doubt, and the light oriented ones will most likely fear you, declare you dark and try to have you killed. A few neutral houses, or at the most Light leaning Neutrals, will at least revere you," Aunt Petunia said, with a sad smile, "The Light Wizards though... They tried to kill me and my master." A tear rolled down a cheek as though from a painful memory, "But I'm still alive and kicking, even if I'm hiding in muggle suburbia."

"You said they had a sorcerers on file."

"The sorcerers guild does, in fact all new sorcerer births are their, instead of the wizards ministry." Petunia explained, "Though the Guild isn't really a place I would normally go for help. They have an All or Nothing approach. Either they destroy the problem or the sorcerer must do it on his own sort of thing."

"What about a sorcerer born to wizards?" Harry asked, silently wondering how they had known of his birth.

"Both probably."

"That explains a lot."

"Yeah."

**Time skips for the next chapter, it will be Dobby time. Yay. **


	3. A transition from Sorcery

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Harry Potter and his Aunt Petunia were possibly having the worst month of their collective lives. A house-elf, which Petunia vehemently proclaimed was actually called a brownie, had ruined one of Vernon's big dinner parties, and kept Harry's mail from him. Which meant that Harry took all the blame and now Vernon knew Harry couldn't use wizardry in his own defence. This took Vernon's hateful nature to a whole new level. Now Harry and Petunia had to be careful about practising and only did so in the dead of night, after Harry used sorcery to disable the locks. Petunia had made a lesson of it, and after quickly warding not only the house but Harry's owl Hedwig, taught Harry a spell to keep away brownies, fairies (the vain small ones) and trolls (after learning about first year). If it kept going, Petunia would be divorcing Vernon, after all, what was more important: Harry or Vernon? Petunia knew every time she'd pick Harry, or Dudley if it came to it.

Petunia had moved all of Harry's wizarding gear to his room using a transportation spell, which she promised to teach Harry in a week if he practised every night.

It was one of those nights practising in his room while Vernon was asleep that a flying car came up to his window.

"Ron!" Yes it was Ronald Weasley outside his window. "How did you? What the..."

Harry then saw the rest of the picture, a large flying car, coloured turquoise, parked in mid-air. Grinning from the front seats were Fred and George, Ron's older twin brothers.

"All right, Harry?" Asked George.

"What's been going on?" Ronald asked. "Why haven't you been answering my letters? I asked you to stay like twelve times already. Then Dad comes home and says you've been given an official warning for using magic in a house full of muggles..."

"How did he know, and it wasn't even me..."

"He works for the ministry," Ron explained, "you know we aren't supposed to do magic outside of school..."

"Explain the flying car."

"We technically didn't enchant it, so we can use it."

"That is so prank worthy." Harry said.

"George I think we corrupted him," Fred said.

"Indeed you're right."

"I personally blame Aunt Petunia," explained Harry.

Ron, Fred, and George looked at Harry and then exchanged looks of their own. "Whatever you say mate, Whatever you say."

The flight to the Weasley house, which the trio of redheads affectionately called the burrow, was uneventful. The car was smoothly flitting through the air, invisible to the muggle world, unbeknownst to the others with occasional help from Harry's sorcery.

They came upon a small village where the Weasley's pointed out, way at the other side hidden by hills and a few trees.

"That's Ottery St. Catch-pole down there. We are just on the other side." Fred pointed out.

Harry's first true glimpse of the Burrow left him with one word, "Brilliant." And the car started to tilt downwards into a landing.

**Honestly, this is a shorter chapter because it is a transition scene. It goes from Harry's extremely powerful Sorcerer Aunt to the Weasley's, who while weaker, use more magic, more often. Harry might decide he likes wizarding homes better than sorcery ones. I doubt it though. Things between the arrows are either direct quotes or paraphrased.**


	4. A Talk of Bindings

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Fred's sighed, "Ah," and George's, "Oh dear," were the first signs of danger. Harry and Ron looked up to see Mrs. Weasley stalking down towards her prey, er... children. The chickens scattered before her wrath, and you could nearly see the magical energy flitting off her. The wand hanging out of her pocket was the only reason Harry knew she wasn't a sorceress. Harry nearly made himself invisible, refraining with great effort.

She stopped right in front of the assembled group, "_So."_

"Morning Mum," George said with an attempted winning voice, failing desperately as it cracked slightly.

'_This won't end well,_' Harry thought. The snide thought in the back of his mind being, _some fourth year, George. Cracking at the thought of a witch.'_

"Have you any idea how worried I've been," Mrs. Weasley said in a terrifying whisper.

'_I was right_.'

"Sorry, mum, but you see..."

_"_Bed's Empty! No Note! Car Gone! YOU COULD'VE CRASHED... OUT OF MY MIND WITH WORRY... DID YOU CARE... NEVER IN MY LIFE... YOU WAIT UNTIL YOUR FATHER GETS HOME... NEVER HAD THIS TROUBLE FROM BILL, CHARLIE, OR PERCY..."

_'It'll only get worse._'

"Yeah, perfect Percy..." Fred muttered.

"YOU COULD USE A LEAF FROM PERCY'S BOOK!" Mrs. Weasley yelled, prodding Fred's chest with a finger, Harry would've been less worried with a wand. "You could have died, you could have been seen, you could have lost your father his job."

It seemed to be hours before it ended, Mrs. Weasley had nearly shouted herself hoarse before turning to Harry.

"I'm very pleased to see you Harry, dear," Mrs. Weasley said, nearly making Harry blink in confusion, "come in and have breakfast."

Ron nodded encouragingly, causing Harry to tentatively follow after her. Ron followed after Harry, seemingly content that Harry wouldn't bolt at the first chance. _'Like I'd need to bolt when I can flash,'_ Harry thought smugly.

The small kitchen, rather cramped due to all the books and chairs, had a nice scrubbed wooden table and some matching chairs, Harry took his seat on the edge. Never having been in a wizard's house before he was surprised by all the obvious magic around. Aunt Petunia had enchanted items, but they were disguised, it wouldn't due for Uncle Vernon to notice, nor Dudder's for that matter. Several were calming stones, which were a grace as Uncle Vernon would be ten times worse without them, but Harry couldn't see any calming stones, or even minor charms against fire or tornadoes, here. There was a clock with all the Weasley's added to it. From what he could see Charlie and Bill were travelling and Mr. Weasley was at work. Percy was late for breakfast, upstairs. The others were in Mortal Peril? Harry started sweating slightly, Mrs. Weasley's anger engendered mortal peril.

That's when he heard it, the radio announcing a singing sorceress.

"Do they mean a real sorceress?" asked Harry. It was like a taboo was spoken.

"Mate, real sorceresses and sorcerers are evil."

"Now Ronald, they aren't all evil," Mrs. Weasley started to Harry's great relief, but was interrupted by the twins.

"Yeah Ronnikins, not all of them-

-only the great Lina Inverse."

"Fred, George, don't say that name... she may still be alive for all we know," Mrs. Weasley said.

Harry, offended by Ronald and for some reason Fred and George, huffed and started eating some of the pancakes before being started by a rather shrill meeping noise and looked up to see Ginny Weasley, the girl from the train station.

That's when it happened. A large flash and then Aunt Petunia was standing in front of him on the table, in full Sorceress Gear. A cape with gems, high heels, and a nice low-cut black dress. "Harry James Potter! NO NOTE! BED EMPTY! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED!"

Harry backed away slowly thinking, '_boy does this sound familiar or what, _but saying "Aunt Petunia, did Dudley already head off then?"

The rhetorical question was answered anyway, her knowing it annoyed him greatly to have his play on words ignored, "Yeah, and I already got a headache from passing through Wizard space and 2 wards!"

"Lovely." Harry dead-panned, _why couldn't I have left a note._

"Harry, who is this?" Mrs. Weasley asked slowly, apparently in shock.

"My Aunt Petunia, Sorceress of the guild, Petunia the black."

"Oh." Thumps were heard as Ronald, Fred and George promptly fainted. Harry looked down at them simply thinking, '_Wow, that's a bit pathetic.'_

"Harry, I do hope they weren't courting you, they are far too weak if they faint like that." Petunia said flippantly.

"Mrs. Petunia, I'm Molly Weasley," Mrs. Weasley said.

"Hello Molly, just call me Petunia, unless under official guild business then it should be Petunia the Black, or Madam the Black." Petunia was getting a feel of Mrs. Weasley, whose power level was one or two under the requirement for sorcery. '_A powerful witch, not a thing she can do in sorcery though, otherwise she wouldn't have gone to Hogwash... er Hogwarts'_, Petunia thought petulantly. "Harry is missing his lessons though, I am not too thrilled about that," Petunia told the Matriarchal Witch.

"What lessons would those be?" Mrs. Weasley asked, pleased that Harry would take school work so thoroughly.

"Sorcery, how do you think you're sons weren't seen?"

"Arthur will want to mess with the invisibility booster then." Mrs. Weasley said, apparently non-prejudiced against sorcerers.

'_That's a nice surprise,' _Petunia thought smiling, '_a non-prejudiced witch. Now if only we could find a non-prejudiced wizard and we'd have a set.'_

"Molly-woddles, I'm home," Arthur said, and promptly passed out as he saw the woman in sorceress garb still standing on his table. How he recognised the garb neither Petunia or Molly quite knew.

"I see were they got it from," Petunia said pleasantly.

"Yes. He is powerful, but a coward," Mrs. Weasley said affectionately.

"I see, Dudley is the opposite, he has weak magic, squib levels really, but he is brave."

"Dudley actually has some magic?" Harry questioned, very understandingly.

"Yes, but it's rather weak. He can do some accidental magic, but that's pretty much it I'm afraid," Aunt Petunia sighed, "Normally he still would've gone to Hogwarts anyway, but they didn't send him an owl last year. I think they just don't want a sorceress's son going to Hogwarts. I mean, by wizardry standards he is average I think."

"Oh the poor dear," Mrs. Weasley said while causing her children and husband to float to their rooms, "I have to get these four to their rooms, I'll be just a moment."

_ Meanwhile_

'Squeal, Harry Potter's in the house... Squeeeeeeeeaaaal', Ginny thought causing her magic to flit around the room.

_ back to the kitchen _

"Sorry I took so long, dears," Mrs. Weasley said, "Ronald woke up and had to be reminded of what had happened, and then he ran to his room for some reason."

"Its understandable," Petunia said pleasantly, "after all, a strange sorceress comes to the house. I would definitely want to have Dudders in his room. I don't think I'd want Vernon out either."

"Uncle Vernon would be a good shield though." Harry said.

"Yeah, he would be," Petunia said while using raw magic to make some tea, "Molly, one sugar or two." As she spoke she was putting two sugars in her own and stirring it silently.

"Two dear," Mrs. Weasley said, after all, magically making tea was a normal thing for magic users. The sugars floated in and the tea stirred itself.

The tea floated to Mrs. Weasley, and she sipped it, "Wonderful."

"Aunt Petunia is the best when magically preparing tea," Harry chimed.

"Flattery won't get you a lesser punishment."

"I had to try."

"Understandable."

"So, why don't sorceresses go to Hogwarts?" Mrs. Weasley asked.

"Well, McGonagall said something about us being too powerful, and then something about Lina Inverse, and then something about Black Sorcerers. I myself prefer Holy Magic, Its easier to fix things with Holy Magic." Petunia said.

Hogwarts owls then swept through the room dropping letters, six in total. Dumbledore had known where Harry was, a terror passed through Petunia as she quickly checked for and found five tracing charms on Harry. Quietly she severed them, leaving no trace of them for Dumbledore to find.

"Why did they allow Harry into Hogwarts then?" Mrs. Weasley asked.

"My guess is that your headmaster bound Harry as much as he could to get him to pass as a wizard, which would still have been at least Dumbledore's level magically." Aunt Petunia said, "Luckily his magical bindings failed rather spectacularly when Harry recited the light spell or it could have all gone rather wrong."

"Oh dear, the headmaster did that," Mrs. Weasley said, "Well that isn't a good thing. He's around all of the children! What would happen if he decided to do something like that to everyone else?"

"He might already have done so," Petunia said, with Harry less than a step behind in thinking.

"What if he did so to the Slytherins and the Ravenclaws, the groups either ambitious or smart enough to beat him. I mean Hermione Granger, a Gryffindor, is the top of our year-group. Shouldn't that be either a Slytherin or Ravenclaw?" Harry said.

"OH DEAR!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed, seeing the logic, after all she was the highest scoring student in her time too.

"Exactly," Aunt Petunia muttered.

"I'll just have to unbind the castle then," Harry exclaimed to the horror and humour of those conscious to hear it.

**A long conversation between powerful people. What will happen next? **


	5. A Tiny Misconception

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**In addition, this might be slash, might be het, might be a mix of both. It could even contain flying monkeys, orcs, or Lina Inverse's penchent for mass destruction and chaos. If you aren't okay with this put your flames up your ass and feel the burn. Thank you.**

**Warning: George gets kissed because of a small bit of Lina waking in Harry! Not a promise of Slash or Het or some form of Soul Het or Body Slash *Not quiet sure where it would be categorized***

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

"Harry James Potter, do you realise what you just said?" Petunia asked exasperatedly.

"Explain," Harry deadpanned, knowing that it would make her less likely to tease.

"Unbinding a whole castle, a magical castle, could bring down the wards, misfire spells, and possibly cause the place to crumble. You could die, or kill everyone in the castle. Not to mention ancient magical castles usually have creatures bound there to defend the place. Deadly creatures that, if unbound, could kill the students anyway," Petunia ranted, "Do you really want everyone to die? I didn't think so."

"I could just dragon slave the place."

"I DON'T THINK YOU GET WHAT A DRAGON SLAVE DOES!"

"What's a dragon slave?" Molly Weasley interrupted.

"One of the most powerful magical attacks in the world. It can destroy a dragon in one shot," Petunia explained.

"OH!" Harry nearly shouted, "So if I fight a dragon I should use that."

"Only if you don't particularly like the area your in," Petunia deadpanned.

"Why would you have to fight a dragon?" Molly interviened.

Harry shrugged while taking another bite of pancake.

Petunia sighed and summoned alcohol from her secret cupboard back at Privet Drive. "This will be a long night, to think my apprentice wants to use a dragon s- HOW DID YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT ONE WAS?"

"I dream about spells, it was in a dream. It is odd cause I never remember much of the dreams, just some guys named Gourry, and Zelgadis, and Rezo. I was short in the dreams."

"I'm gonna research this. Harry, you need to come home next summer, and if I get one letter saying you blew up a magical castle I swear I'm gonna force teleport you into a dragons nest!" She flashed out of the house.

"I should probably get Ronald, Fred, George, Arthur and Ginny to come down. I don't exactly know why Ginny ran up stairs," Mrs. Weasley said, popping up the stairs with a light noise.

'_I think Aunt Petunia rubbed off on her_,' Harry thought.

"I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK HARRY WAS CORRUPTED BY AN EVIL SORCERESS! YOU'RE GONNA GO DOWN THERE RIGHT NOW!" Mrs. Weasley's voice was obviously laced with magic, Ronald was no match for the matriarch.

Foot steps ran down the stairs as Ron was compelled to go to the kitchen. _'Whoever said wizards and witches couldn't do anything right. (The sorcerer's guild) They were wrong_.' Harry thought, smirking.

"Ron, you don't really think I'm evil do you?" Harry asked, hopeing for a good answer, "After all, I'm a sorcerer. My Aunt has been my saving grace this summer, that and the enchanted items she has been putting all around the house. Calming stones and such."

"Harry... I guess not. I mean, I've always thought this way and now I have proof it isn't true... It's a lot to take in, but for you, I guess not all sorcerers are evil," Ronald conceded.

Harry quickly noticed a string of magic attached to Ron. Checking and then severing the compulsion charm there Ron smiled.

Harry hugged Ron then, perhaps almost as strong as Mrs. Weasley's hugs, because Ron was red faced afterwards, "Thank you Ron."

The twins came down, eyed the red faced Ron, looked at Harry and asked, "Did you guys kiss or something?" This made the too start laughing loudly.

"I don't know if Harry even feels like that for anyone." Ron said, which made Harry agree he probably didn't.

"But if it makes you feel better I'll kiss you so you guys can say you're my first," Harry teased, which caused another round of laughter. Harry may have had a teasing grin but inside he was a train wreck of nerves, after all, it would have been his first kiss if they agreed.

The twins shared a look and smirked, George swooped down and stopped a half inch from Harry's lips. He then grinned at Harry's rose red face. "Nervous huh?" George teased, not moving.

An indignent spark lit in Harry, and he said, "No," meeting the rest of the way, causing George to blush red.

_'Harry's lips are so soft,'_ he thought as he raised his hands to Harry's head, pulling him closer.

"The definitely backfired on you," Ron wheezed out between laughs, "could've told you not to tease Harry." He then fell on the floor and laughed more until Harry 'accidentally' froze the floor beneath him.

No one noticed as Mrs. Weasley came in with Ginny as Harry and George pulled apart slowly. Ginny saw the two and consigned herself to having lost her 'true love' before it began, Mrs. Weasley saw the two and hoped that she wouldn't have owls from the headmaster telling her of illicet affairs between the two, and Percy and Arthur, who had just shown up from upstairs just smirked at Mrs. Weasley who remembered her bet and muttered under her breath, "Ten Sickles to each of them, then." She cursed her luck and decided never to bet on Harry and Ginny again, or the Harry Hermione side bet she had with McGonagall.

**I tried to incorportate a bit of humor and misconceptions into the chapter, and I hope you enjoy it. That and I had to get rid of FanGirl Ginny and replace her with Mature-ish Ginny somehow. **


	6. Something Floating This Way Falls

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

**Start Dream Sequence:**

** "Gourry, if I ever am reborn, I think I wanna be a boy," Harry said wistfully.**

** "Why?" The empty headed blonde asked. "Would being a boy really be so much better than being a girl?"**

** "Because all my trouble with the guild was because of my age and gender, if I had been male they wouldn't have made so much trouble over it all, and I wouldn't be Lina the Pink for sure. Maybe Lina the Blue, or the Yellow." Harry sighed, "But then again, maybe I would hate it, who knows."**

** Time flashed by and Gourry and Harry never talked of it again. They fought monsters with Zelgadis and Amelia sometimes, they fought bandits, they raided and looted and pillaged to their hearts content, but Harry always had the thought in the back of his head.**

_** 'What would it be like to be a boy?'**_

_**End Sequence**

Harry woke up with the faint feeling that the dream he had last night was important, but he couldn't quiet grasp the memory. The only thing he could remember were the words 'Lina the Pink'. He was sure his aunt had said something on 'Lina the Pink' but he wasn't sure. He decided to write her that night if he remembered.

Slightly sleepily Harry looked across the room to where Ron, who was still sleeping, lay in his bed covered by an orange comforter. '_How can he still sleep when it's already daylight_?' Harry thought to himself, '_maybe wizards don't have to train in the morning_.' Indignant, Harry got a mischievous thought. _'It will help with my training, and give me some amusement.'_

_**West wind that blows,**_

_**Have you as their source,**_

_**Into my hand,**_

_**Create their source:**_

_**AQUA CREATE**_

A ball of pure water formed in Harry's extended hand, smirking slightly Harry lobbed his water ball at Ronald's pants. Ronald slept on as though nothing had happened, his lower half drenched. Harry looked at him stunned.

"How on this earth does he still sleep?" Harry asked himself aloud while walking over to Ron. He shook Ron awake. Ron woke, instantly feeling his wetter lower body. He blushed crimson.

"Oh my god, please don't tell anyone Harry, I haven't done this in years, please don't tell anyone," Ron was babbling, ashamed. Harry nearly told him what happened as he ran from the room with clothes.

"That was interesting, now for the bedding."

_**Gods of Hearth and Home,**_

_**Reverse the Damage,**_

_**RECTIFY**_

A flash of light and blaze of heat and the bedding was better than new, in fact, the room was better than new. It nearly shined with cleanliness that wasn't before seen, the posters were no longer wrinkled or torn, the bed was no longer chipped, and if Harry wasn't mistaken the clothes looked better than before as well. Harry was pleased with himself, now Ron wouldn't be accused of wearing second-hand robes even if it was true. Harry, now please with himself, walked down the stairs to the kitchen.

"Harry, dear, would you like some pancakes?" Mrs. Weasley asked, staring at his too thin frame and remembered Petunia's similar body, with exception of her chest and hips. 'Must be a sorcerer thing,' She decided.

"Yes Mrs. Weasley, I'm ravenous," Harry said politely nodding his head eagerly, "Thank you."

"No worries, dear. Help yourself. I always cook too much, I never adjusted from Bill and Charlie being home, they were near sorcerers. Arthur and I were quiet afraid they wouldn't be able to go to Hogwarts. I never understood why sorcerers weren't allowed, and Arthur flinched every time I asked." She smiled at Harry indulgently, "In fact all of my children were born quite powerful. I found it sad that their grades hadn't reflected such, until I found out that they might be bound.

"Well, I guess I should thank Dumbledore then," Harry said flippantly, "The charter of Hogwarts states that a student, once admitted, can only be expelled by the headmaster with full agreement of all heads of house."

"I see, but we should still unbind those bound at Hogwarts. It isn't right to bind someone." Mrs. Weasley said.

"Agreed, in fact I already undid a compulsion on Ronald. He was already fighting it or I wouldn't have seen it without a spell," Harry said smiling at the matronly lady.

Ron walked down the steps with an awed look on his face. "My room looks new," he said, "like brand new. Even my wand. Scabbers still looks the same though." He smiled.

"You're welcome, I was aiming for the bed, but I guess I still need to learn control of spells. Just imagine if I had used a fireball instead," Harry said with a grin.

"Good thing you didn't use a fireball then," Ron replied laughingly.

Ron, Fred and Harry were out degnoming the garden, it was a warm morning so it was fun. Harry floated around using levitation to spot them and pointed them out to Ron and Fred.

Harry concentrated on the spell as he pointed out several bushes that were moving to them. Levitation may be easy, but he was still a beginner to sorcery. "We are going to Diagonally soon, hurry up guys," Harry said.

"Why don't you blast them all then, then we could go already," Ron said with a teasing tone, the compulsion being gone already changing his attitude.

"I thought you would mind your garden disappearing," Harry dead-panned, it was becoming second nature to him, the snide remarks and sarcasm.

"Okay, Okay," Ron said, "But couldn't you lift them up?"

"Maybe." He started chanting.

_**Air, blowing from the centre,**_

_**Float above thy comfort my enemies,**_

_**FORCED LEVITATION**_

Gnomes, screaming in terror, floated upwards as they desperately tried to go down. Harry started floating down, then falling as the spell started taking too much concentration. Fred, seeing him, ran forward to catch him as the gnomes fell the two feet they had lifted and ran out of the garden, terrified.

"eeeekkk!" Harry screamed, falling faster then he wanted, feeling his levitation spell failing from lack of concentration.

"I got you!" Fred yelled at the falling figure, diving he caught Harry barely a foot from the ground. Clutching Harry into his chest he turned swiftly to protect Harry from the fall.

Harry's spell ended completely as they hit the ground, Harry buried in Fred's chest.

"Harry, are you okay?" Ron asked, worried

Fred groaned in pain and Harry jumped up and quickly chanted the Recovery, which Fred was thankful for as they heard three bones seamlessly crack back into place. He had broken his arm, leg and a rib.

"Thank you so much Fred, I wouldn't have liked that feeling when I hit the ground." Harry gushed with gratitude toward the ginger.

Fred just smiled and blushed as the pain left him.

**The Twins are probably bisexual in this fic. Ron will most likely be straight, Harry is still mostly Asexual in the plans, as in not having sex at all, lolz. Harry is only 12 for Heavens sake! He had his b-day at the Dursley's. Aunt Petunia gave him a lesson on magic for it. **

**Also, I prefer that if you are going to be a canon purist I'll probably ignore it anyway so just don't review. However constructive questioning will be welcome. Dorea Black is Harry's grandmother, which technically is canon, in this, ask why and learn soon right? Thank you.**

**Also, Lina the Pink reference is like the 1st chapter.**


	7. Light Humor and a Side of Malfoy

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**Warning: Fred, or George, or maybe Gred and Forge, may blush at Harry. They are like 14 and are allowed to have naughty thoughts. They will probably hate themselves for it. Don't hate them too. Even fictional characters who I am playing around with have feelings. **

**Warning 2: The Goblins are afraid of Sorcerers. They have a great knowledge of history, and most of the knowledge about a sorcerers powers come from knowledge of Lina Inverse. Enough said I think... It isn't that Harry is superpowerful, its just that the knowledge that Harry could one day be superpowerful is enough.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Ron, Fred, George, Ginny, Percy, Mr. Weasley, Mrs. Weasley and Harry were going to floo to diagonally. With a blush Fred asked if he could floo with Harry, instead of each seperately as Harry flooing alone, with Harry's luck, would end with Harry getting lost. Mrs. Weasley agreed, and muttered something along the lines of, "and there goes another 10 sickles."

After Fred and Harry departed, or rather flopped out of, the floo in the Leaky Cauldron, they waited ten more minutes for everyone else to come through. Ron, the next to pop out of the fireplace, stumbling towards the two who were talking about transfiguration magic, which sorcery wasn't too good at as the more powerful the sorcerer the harder it is to get the little things right.

"I'm telling you Fred, this is probably why I'm not great at Transfiguration. I have too much magic to get everything right. I need to learn control. You should see my aunt transfigure things, its rather hilarious. Everything turns black. Its actually how she got her title. Petunia the Black." Harry stated.

"No way, I'm rather powerful for a wizard and I'm great at Transfiguring things."

Neither noticed they were standing close together as Ron smirked slightly and cleared his throat with a loud, "EHEM."

The two looked up and looked at each other before springing apart. Fred blushed bright red and started looking away into space for some reason before blushing a darker crimson.

"Fred. Is there something you should tell me?" Ronald asked, he had started teasing both his brothers about Harry every chance he had gotten days ago. The only reason he hadn't before was Harry's life was in danger.

"Yes Fred, is there," Ron jumped as he heard George's voice right behind him.

"Mum, you owe me and dad 10 sickles," Percy was heard behind him.

Mrs. Weasley only laughed and said, "Yeah, I know."

The Weasley's plus one Harry Potter walked out the Cauldron into the alley. "First is Gringotts, then the bookstore."

"Yes, but don't forget Ginny needs a wand, robes and books. Lockhart books are too expensive for anything but secondhand robes and books." Mr. Weasley chimed in.

"Don't worry, I've got a spell that will make them look like new," Harry put his two cents in.

"Oh thank you Harry, dear."

"Think nothing of it Mrs. Weasley. After all, I already did Ron's room."

"Yeah, but that was an accident," Ron said, pointing out Harry's lack of control.

"Yeah, but I should be able to do the spell without chanting the full thing. After all, I don't really need to request the power from gods, I do have my own. That should get me more control" Harry Pointed out.

"True enough."

The walked in the large bank doors and went up to the teller, who just happened to be Griphook.

"Hey Griphook," Harry said, smiling at the rather irate goblin.

"What do you want hum- What can I do for you Sorcerer," His irate face turning into a terrified visage as he checked the power level of the person in front of him, standard practice at Gringotts as wizards weren't the only magical beings to use it. Other creatures get respect. 'Sorcerers are powerful enough to destroy the bank, play nice' he thought.

"Griphook, can you take me to my vault," Harry asked politely.

"Yes Sorcerer, Mr. Potter, Sorcerer Sir."

"Thank you Griphook, Mr. Potter will do."

The Weasley's looked a mixture of amused and confused. Goblins were rude creatures, even the most influencial wizards were looked upon as scum by them. Why were they treating Harry with respect. "Maybe he has creature blood," Percy whispered off handedly

"Maybe, I mean he is a sorcerer and all," Arthur whispered, "Then again so is his aunt."

The Goblins around them, because they have excellent hearing, were astounded as they knew most wizards wouldn't be caught near a sorcerer. They decided that maybe the Weasley's weren't so bad, after all, wasn't a Weasley working for them. Named Kill, or maybe Bam...

**Short A/N right now: Goblins are ruthless, but respect power and have a healthy dose of respect for those who don't look at them as dirt. Because of this they don't mind the Weasleys, Lovegoods, and some other families. They actually liked, though they will never admit it under pain of death, Lily Evans. **

The Weasley's, and Harry, after getting money went to Flourish and Blotts where they found a large crowd. "Oh dang, I forgot that Lockhart was going to be here." Mr. Weasley said glumly as Mrs. Weasley primped and preened, as was Hermione who Harry saw two feet over.

"Hey Hermione," Harry yelled cross the floor, "Wanna go to the charms section?"

"Sure Harry," She smiled when she heard his voice, she wanted to ask him about Ron, "Ron, wanna come?"

"I was going anyway, I don't wanna be near Lockhart and his posse."

"I'll go too," Fred and George said together, and then glared at eachother before shrugging in unison.

Harry, Hermione, Ron and the twins walked off towards the charms section, Harry to the warding charms, Hermione drifting back and forth, Ron just standing their and the Twins attempting not to look at Harry.

"Great," A slightly high pitched voice attempted to drawl, "I can't seem to get rid of you Potter."

Everyone except Harry turned to the entrance to see none other than Draco Malfoy.

"Hello Draco," Harry started coldly, forgoing the usual last name banter, "just be quiet so I can read."

"Who said you could use my first name?" Malfoy asked confidently. Though his twitch ing eye was enough to allow Harry to know he was unnerved by the familiar tone.

"I don't care who said I could or couldn't, I just did." Harry dead-panned at the Malfoy scion.

"That's not how it works Potter. You're supposed to get mad and we are supposed to fight. That's what happens. You don't deadpan, you don't use my first name, you can't be calm," Malfoy ranted loudly, earning odd looks from the other patrons. Harry's group, having lost interest in Malfoy's foolish rant, went over to the warding books were Harry was picking out a few. "Are you even listening to me?" Malfoy asked, a slight resignation entering his voice, "Well fine then, see if I banter with you in the hallways."

Malfoy left in a sulk, a few would even swear when later asked that he had a tear rolling down his cheek, walking towards were he last saw his father. Harry smirked slightly and stood up, nearly colliding with Fred and George. "Is this going be a habit?" He asked the two of them teasingly, smiling up at them.

"Sorry," They chorused, and then glared each at the other. They followed him, like lost puppies, towards the transfiguration section.

Hermione quietly handed Ron a galleon while Ron snickered. "You knew this would happen didn't you," she accused.

"I admit nothing," He said, nearly accomplishing dead-panning.

"You aren't nearly as good at that as Harry is," She pointed out smiling at the red head.

"I'll learn," he said, smiling tentatively back at the brunette muggleborn. They leaned towards each other, nearly subconsciously before...

"You two love-birds done back there," Harry called from near the transfiguration section.

They blushed and Harry quietly got handed a galleon from each of the twins. "We should learn not to bet against you," They said in unison.

**Mass betting, correct use of deadpanning, slight humor, awkward situations and diffusing Malfoy. In Harry's opinion Malfoy is too weak. Also Harry inherited Lina's magic mania. He wants to learn new magic and he wants to learn it now. **

**Also, Gourry hasn't been reincarnated, nor have any of the others who have died. As Mazoku and Demons have near indefinite lifespans then Xellos and Zelgadis may be living.**


	8. In Which Ferrets and Weasles Fly

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Harry, the twins, Hermione and Ron walked out of the transfiguration section of the store nearly ten minutes later. Each, including Ron, had a stack of books, though Ron's was only the required list.

Attempting to find Mr. and Mrs. Weasley was a nightmare, the group decided. All the group, excluding Hermione who had yet to discover Harry's sorcerous nature, looked towards Harry to pull some kind of tracking spell from mid-air.

"Sorry guys, scrying isn't my strong point," Harry said with a sheepish smile as they stared.

"Harry, scrying is a divination art. We can't even take divination till next year. How could they expect you to know how to scry?" Hermione asked, then looked at all the books Harry had, "Then again, with that many books you may just about know everything." She compared her pile to his and was surprised to find out his was larger, and contained books on subjects they had yet to study.

"Now Hermione, I thought it was only men who compared to see whos..." Ron stopped with a painfilled yelp.

"Did you hear that, I think I heard Mr. and Mrs. Weasley," Harry said non chalantly, after pulling his foot off of Rons.

"Where I don't... Oh, there they are." Fred Exclaimed, "Why are Dad and Mr. Malfoy fighting?" Indeed, Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Weasley were engaged in fisticuffs.

"Did they forget they are wizards?" Harry questioned, "From what I know, wizards are generally too lazy to physically battle." He waved a hand at the two of them, suspending them in the air. "That should stop them from fighting."  
Hermione's eyes went wide, "Harry, that's powerful wandless magic. You could get into trouble by the ministry."

"Aunt Petunia says, let the ministry shove their trouble up their own holes, whatever that means."

"I think I like your aunt more by the second," Ron said, deceitfully calm.

"So she's no longer the evil sorceress I live with."

"You live with a sorceress?" Hermione asked, confused.

"Yeah, the real kind, not the singing kind."

"There are singing sorceresses?" Hermione asked.

"Let's not start this again," Ron said exasperatedly, "lets get over there so Harry can let them down."

The group walked over to the floating men, who had become a spectacle, Harry nodded to Mrs. Weasley who immediately cast wards to protect their privacy, including wards that obscured what happened.

Harry looked at Mrs. Weasley who nodded in return and looked at the floating men, "You two are adult men, am I right?"

"Yes Harry." Mr. Weasley answered.

"Put me down this instant, I will have your head for this," Malfoy Senior started.

**FIREBALL**

A fireball was flung at the blonde, whose robes were surprisingly combustable.

"Try again." Harry Deadpanned.

"Yes Mr. Potter."

"Good, now both of you can act like normal adults, realising that you're in a privacy and secrecy ward that will prevent what's happening from becoming public knowledge, right?"

"Yes Harry."

"Yes Mr. Potter."

"Good, and you realise the example you've been leading for the children here is bad, correct."

"Yes Harry," Mr. Weasley answered easly.

"Yes Mr. Potter," Malfoy Senior admitted.

"Good, Now you will both be let down after you promise not to harm anyone here, either directly or indirectly."

"Yes Harry."

"Yes, Mr. Potter."  
"I want an oath," Harry said sternly.

"Is that really necessary?" Mr. Malfoy asked.

"I wasn't aware you wanted to be up there all day Mr. Malfoy," Harry said sarcastically, "I can certainly use a permanent sticking charm."

"Okay, Mr. Potter. I, Lucius Malfoy, swear upon my life and magic to not harm, directly or indirectly, anyone within this shop for a year. So mote it be."

"So mote it be," Harry said, lowering the elder Malfoy as the magic swirled around them.

"When the ministry gets a hold of you..."

"The sorcerers guild will be ready," Harry stated, enjoying Malfoy's look of terror at the mention of sorcerers, "Now shoe wizard, before I get angry."

As Malfoy Senior ran off Arthur was let floating down slowly.

"He even took that incredibly dark item with him," Harry said amusedly.

"What incredibly dark item," Arthur asked, shocked at Harry's attitude.

"It doesn't matter now, all that matters is that Malfoy is no longer attempting to kill your daughter with dark magic."

"You saved my daughter?"

"That's who he was about to slip the dark magical item to, so yes."

"Thank you so much." Arthur Weasley hugged Harry tightly, not aware of the twin glares from Fred and George.

**More awkwardness, a bit that had to be done, and a Malfoy that swears revenge, only to get thwarted. Is my work done? No. Malfoy may be unable to indirectly harm anyone in the shop, but that doesn't mean he won't plan horrible things for next year. **


	9. In Where Ginny Teases Harry

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**Warning: Teasing in this chapter tends to ride a slash wave, as Harry is young and easily flustered and the material for the teasing is easily available. **

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Harry walked with Ginny to get a wand from Ollivander's, which Harry was dead set on paying for. After arguing with Mr. and Mrs. Weasley he got his way and had the two of them off with the twins, Ron, Hermione, and Percy to go look at second-hand robes. Ron's Robes were too small for him so they were selling his old ones, which now looked new, and getting him new ones, which would look old.

"So, ummm... are you and George dating?" Ginny asked, uncomfortable with the silence that had prevailed on their trip.

"What? No. I don't think so," Harry said, flustered with the thought. He had thought that George was a good kisser, but that was about it.

"Oh, I see. But you liked his kisses right?"

"Did you read my mind?"

"No, I can't do Legilimency, and if your mind has my brother in any romantic sense in it, I don't really care to." Ginny Deadpanned, much more successfully than Ron. 'He never said he doesn't want to date him,' she noted duly.

"That could get awkward." Harry started laughing out loud at the thought, prompting Ginny to join him as they walked the last ten feet to Ollivanders and walked in.

"Ah, Ms. Weasley, I've been expecting you," The old creepy man said, popping out of the shadows behind Ginny, "and Mr. Potter too, eleven inches holly with a phoenix feather, good for defense and charms, correct?"

"Yes Mr. Ollivander."

"Still working properly."

"Yes Mr. Ollivander, thank you for the inquiry," Harry said politely.

"I don't suppose you actually need it though, being a sorcerer. Don't gape like a goldfish, I know many things, you don't get to be this old without learning a few things."

Ollivander shuffled about with Harry gaping at him and Ginny gaping at Harry. In her mind, she was standing next to one of the most powerful beings in this world.

"Wand arm?" Ollivander asked Ginny.

"Right sir."

"Sit still while this measures you."

It measured and he started to rummage through the stacks of wands available, which is to say he went through a large amount of wands before finding a few that might fit.

"Try this, Fir wood, phoenix feather, ten inches."

Ginny picked up the wand and waved it. The window broke behind her.

"No, not at all," He said as he plucked the wand from her, "Acacia wood, unicorn mane hair, eleven inches."

She waved it slightly, almost timidly only to watch as Mr. Ollivanders shoes set on fire.

"Not good," He put out the fire and plucked the wand from her, "English Oak, dragon heartstrings, nine inches."

She waved the wand and heard a vase shatter, "I don't even have vases in my shop after Mr. Potter's rendition of that," was all he said after he plucked the wand, "Here, Elm wood, Dragon Heartstring from a Norweigian ridgeback, ten and a fourth inches."

She gave the wand a wave and was stunned as flowers appeared.

"That's the one," Mr. Ollivander said. "Good for fine details such as charms and transfiguration. I expect great things from you Ms. Weasley, eight galleons and five sickles."

Harry handed over the money and grinned at Ginny, who was smiling at her wand.

"Let's get going Ginny, we don't want the others to get worried," Harry said, "Thank you Mr. Ollivander."

"No thank you Mr. Potter, and you should go lest Ginny be subjected to her brothers glaring at her."

Harry thought about asking and then shrugged. Never ask Ollivander something if you aren't sure you want the truth.

_ Meanwhile: with the twins, Ron, and Hermione

'Why do I feel like I'm gonna lose the other bet to Ron as well?' Hermione thought petulantly.

"Ginny and Harry are taking too long," George said, Fred nodding his agreement.

'If they start a rant I lose. Must distract the twins.'

"Oh look, Gambol and Japes. Lets go there," She said, reaching out for a lifeline.

"Oh yeah, we need more luminous balloons."

'Saved.'

Ron looked at Hermione incredulously. That was a purely Slytherin thing to do, but for some reason he didn't mind.

_Back to Ginny and Harry

Ginny and Harry were just getting back to where Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had said to meet, at Madam Malkins. Harry was needing new robes as he had actually grown a small amount over the summer. For some reason this made him unduly excited, even if he was still shorter than Hermione, it was now only by half an inch.

'I've gotten a bit odd,' Harry thought to himself, 'kissing boys, worrying about my height. Whats next, fighting a legion of orcs... what's an orc?' A picture of a greenish lizardlike man entered his head.

"I think I should lie down later," he told Ginny, "I am not feeling all that well."

"Okay Harry, after you get your new robes you can go lie in Ron's room... Or George's if you'd prefer," Ginny teased her friend mercilessly, smiling all the while.

Harry walked into Madam Malkins only to get crowded right away by her assistant. "Harry Potter, how are you? Can I do anything for you? How about some tea?" The excited assistant, who at the most saw the prestigious Malfoy family occasionally, was thrilled to have 'the' Harry Potter in the store. She'd heard from Madam Malkin that he was polite, unlike the Malfoy family.

"I need new robes, please. New cloak too," Harry said, "Can you help me?" He added a flash of an adorable smile, which he knew was adorable.

"Awe. Of course I can." The assistant, entranced by his adorable smile, didn't notice Ginny's shell shocked appearance.

The assistant waved over Madam Malkin, who came to start the measurements. Asking details such as fabric and colors Harry eventually settled on a heavy wool cloak, nice cotton robes, silk robes and eventually robes of several colors. Black, Green, Blue, and Grey open front robes were added to his purchase, which made little impact on his finances.

After the 500 galleon purchase was finished, they waited at Florean Fortescue's for the rest of the family. Not to be disappointed Fred and George appeared, slightly winded, wiith Hermoine and Ron running far behind them. Seconds later Mr. and Mrs. Weasley appeared and Harry treated everyone to some ice cream.

** In this Fic, I must admit, Harry is rather wealthy. He comes from an ancient wizarding house. They came around the time of the Romans which is a rather long time to create a cache of gold big enough to fund their family. He is also the last Potter and the last Peverell that the goblins would willingly show that they had the Peverell vault. Not that the goblins would admit that they would show the Peverell vault to him willingly.**


	10. The Hogwarts Transition

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Fred and George Weasley would have liked to tell themselves, and indeed eachother, that they didn't have a crush on the same person, or that that person is Harry James Potter. They would love to, but they aren't sure. They thought he was cute, but he was two years younger than they were. It wasn't as though they were actually sure anyway. For now they would content themselves to glare at the other menacingly in hopes of having Harry all for the victor.

Harry knew something was up with the twins. They were glaring at eachother, not speaking twinspeak, and attempting to wandlessly jinx eachother. The sorcerer had twice had to levitate the two to the ceiling to get across a room. Hermione and Ron seemed to think it was funny, at least until the twins had succeeded in learning wandless jinxing. Now Hermione's hair was down to her knees and Ron's was maroon.

They were all leaving for Hogwarts today and all Harry could do was wish the twins had used all that determination in learning wandless magic on their homework. 'Great now I sound like a maudlin Hermione.'

Ron and Hermione knew Harry was oblivious, but it was getting ridiculous. How many times did one person have to attempt to jinx the other for looking at you until the person gets it? Ron was going crazy, and Hermione wasn't far behind.

Arthur Weasley looked at his twin sons. So alike it was frightening. They even got a crush on the same person, and were now all but dueling eachother. If this was what happened here, without a wand, what would happen in Hogwarts where they could use their wands and the library to look up new and creative curses.

"Percy," Mrs. Weasley started, "make sure Fred and George don't kill eachother, or anyone else interested in Harry."

Percy sighed, but had to admit it was a good rule to follow. The twins had become vicious in their duels, and Percy had been caught in the crossfire several times. Who knew they could use wandless color charms that wouldn't wear off for days. His hair was still blue as he walked to the car, as neither of his parents could remove it. 'Fuck my life,' He thought as he desperately hoped his mother wasn't a legilimense.

The students of Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry boarded the train, surprisingly without any problems. Sure the barrier got sealed but Harry unsealed it rather easily. Ron and Harry got on with seconds to spare and sat in a compartment with the twins, and Lee Jordan, who for some reason yelped every few minutes.

** I'm not cruel, I just have no patience for kindness. :)**


	11. Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Harry had sat through the sorting, now he just wanted to eat. Why did Dumbledore want to torture him so?

Fred and George watched Harry's squirming with slightly glazed eyes, Lee Jordan looking between the three with slight jealousy visible on his features.

Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley watched Lee Jordan's reaction with interest. "I wonder which one Lee is interested in," Hermione commented to Ron who was snickering at Lee's predicament.

"I hope it isn't Harry," Ron replied, "Lee wouldn't live to see tomorrow."

Hermione let out a breath she hadn't known she had been holding. A part of her had feared Ron, who she would admit to herself in only the deepest portions of her mind was the person she liked, was in love with Harry. It wouldn't be a far throw, she would think to herself later that night, with Fred and George in crushing on Harry why wouldn't their younger brother. She would consol herself in the fact that he wasn't in love with Harry and that she had a chance because honestly, to anyone who likes guys and doesn't view him as family, Harry is the best catch you can get.

Harry looked at the food in front of him suspiciously and mumbled a chant to detect potions. The potatoes glowed golden in his sight as did the pumpkin juice. He chanted the pumpkin juice away and simply vanished the potatoes off of his friends plates as well as his own. He would explain later that night after placing an eavesdropper curse on the portraits, they would hear only the normal things. He then dug into the non potioned food.

Albus Dumbledore was impressed despite himself. The power binding potions in the potatoes and the pumpkin juice were detected. He didn't know who did it, but he knew it couldn't go on for long. He spotted several plates in which the potatoes had disappeared, including Longbottom and Potters plates. This wouldn't do, not at all. After all, Harry had sorcery that was bound and without the potion he wouldn't be mouldable, and Neville was almost as strong as Albus himself had been at his age.

'Well,' Albus consolled himself, 'at least Harry's binding won't come off for another week, we still have time. In another week he'll be too powerful for those potions and I'll have to try more... desperate ways to subdue him.'

The Gryffindor's went upstairs, sometimes hopping a well known vanishing step or simply walking the stairs. Harry was leading Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, Lee, and Neville up the seven flights to Gryffindor Tower. Harry smirked at the history he had learned about Hogwarts. Gryffindor Tower indeed.

"So Harry," Lee Jordan began, having a shield charm up to stop the stinging hex plowing at him, "How has it been going?" He smiled charmingly at Harry.

"Oh, it's fine Lee."

Lee fell back in with Fred and George and smirked at the two, who immediately took the challenge as George walked forward and fell into step with Harry. Harry looked over and smiled at him warmly, causing George to blush bright pink.

"So, Harry... Wanna stay up tonight and... talk," George said, all the while getting stung by hexes from Fred while Lee watched amusedly.

Hermione, who was watching this, concluded that if Lee liked Harry then he would be stinging George too.

Quietly, though not quiet silently, Harry put up a shield around George which caused Fred to frown slightly. Lee looked at this all with amused contentment and started talking to Fred animatedly about pranks which pulled him from his frowning. Hermione smiled at Lee's cunning and noticed Ron not paying attention. 'Time to take a leaf from Lee's book,' She thought.

** Writing from many different points of view wasn't easy. I still don't know if I did it right.**

** If you have any critisism about my writing please review. Thanks. Once again flames about slash won't be read, or at least I will read them and then use them as canon fodder. **


	12. A Message of Hope

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**Warning: If you like incompetent McGonagall this chapter isn't for you, in fact, this story isn't for you. **

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

The Next morning, exceptionally early for Gryffindors, Harry, Ron, and Hermione went down the several stairs to breakfast where the Ravenclaws were already eating and studying. Both Harry and Hermione carried their nearly pristine copies of _Voyages with Vampires, _still unaware of who exactly would be teaching the class. Harry, though, also carried with him a foot of parchment, already scribbled over with inconsistencies in the book series that was assigned, later he would show this to professor McGonagall. She would, as the Deputy Headmistress, be required to do something if the teacher was using a frauds books as a teaching tool. 'I just hope the McGonagall listens this time, unlike with the stone,' Harry bitterly thought, remembering the possessed defense professor.

As the morning progressed into daylight, instead of the mere demi-glaze called dawn, the Hufflepuffs came out and sat. To some surprise to the Gryffindor trio some sat with the Ravenclaws, apparently talking, debating and studying with them. They only barely noticed when the teachers started coming into the hall a few minutes later. Snape being the last to come into the hall looked slightly peaceful, until he saw the trio of Gryffindors awake and two of them studying. He sneered at them, contempt written upon his sallow features. Professor McGonagall looked upon her lions with pride. At least these three were taking their studies seriously.

Albus Dumbledore looked pensively out towards the trio. He had not since Minerva was a Gryffindor seen so many up and about so early. He had a multitude of compulsion spells in place to prevent it, in fact. He would have to investigate this, for the greater good of course. It wouldn't due for lions to outdo ravens. Someone might notice that the scores for Ravenclaws had been going down for a few generations, and while some might brush it off others would listen.

Harry, Ron and Hermione looked towards the teachers, unsurprised by the sneering Snape, the proud McGonagall, or the pensive Dumbledore. Everything was going according to Harry's Plan which was laid out during the late night discussion they all had. Harry had weakened the compulsions enough that they would register to Dumbledore's machines but not effect anyone much. Ron, to everyone's surprise, had a compulsion to make him care more about chess than homework or making his mother proud. While he still liked chess, he knew that he should make his mother proud before playing. Hermione, whose compulsion would have eventually driven her to fall for Ron, was apparently bisexual. Why Dumbledore had used magic to mess around with her sexuality was a hot topic on the betting tables. The most popular bet being that he wanted Hermione to be a Weasley and stay in the Wizarding World. Fred and George, surprisingly didn't have a compulsion on them. Either the Headmaster was underestimating their talents, or thought they would never have the drive to compete with him. Now the two only wanted to make his life hell. No one should underestimate a Weasley. Percy, who was at first very much against whatever Harry was doing, had a few spells on him. One would increase his desire to bow to authority, another was to bind his magic slightly, the third and final would have driven him to hate Harry. Percy was astonished and angry with the Headmaster, to think that the Headmaster of the school would ever do such a thing. Neville was unsurprised to find most of his active magic bound, and that his passive magic was herbology related. He wanted to write to his gran, but Harry nipped that in the bud. If they were to change the Wizarding World for the better they'd need to do more than get the Headmaster to see the error of his ways.

Harry's plan had three measures to it: 1) unbind the children, 2) investigate the rumor of a DADA curse, and 3) contain and eliminate the corruption of the Wizarding World. So far they were still in phase 1, which meant that phase 2 and 3 would have to wait for a little while, but Rome wasn't built in a day after all. Dumbledore had left the compulsions easy to remove, possibly so it would be easy to add onto the spell. Wizards and witches build an immunity to compulsions with continued use, if they didn't have to power to burn though them. If they had the power the compulsions would be destroyed on their own eventually. The more magic a person has, the harder it is to effect them with a continuous spell.

Professor McGonagall walked sedately towards the Gryffindor trio, three timetables in hand. "Hermione, Ronald, and Harry. Your timetables for this school year, and remember, next year you can have up to three extra classes. Normally I would suggest taking two of them and using one as a free period, but you should take advantage while you can. Also, I would like for you to remember there are a few academic clubs, though attendance is usually Ravenclaws and Slytherins. Please take that into consideration."

The trio looked at each other as she left. "Why didn't we know about the academic clubs?" Hermione asked sullenly, "An academic opportunity could have been lost to us if we hadn't been informed."

"I think it might just be that the other Gryffindors couldn't have cared less before last night," Harry explained, "Think about how many of the Gryffindors had mental blocks or compulsions of some kids before last night. Think about how many in other houses, or even in other groups in Gryffindor than ours, may have these kind of spells on them."

Hermione shuddered at the thought, not being able to learn something new was a fear for her along with failure. Ron and Harry looked at her with awe as they saw what looked like small bolts of lightning clinging to her. She was a strong witch, according to Harry's senses, enough to give Dumbledore a headache, but not enough for a true challenge. There were few mere wizards up to Dumbledore's standards, but no wizard can beat a Sorcerer for shear power. It isn't known why, but while wizards can't do any sorcery, sorcerer's can do wizardry with ease.

Hermione struggled to calm herself down as her lightning raced over her body in diminutive streaks. Harry looked over at Dumbledore who was, fortunately, busy talking to Snape. As he watched them carefully he got an idea. 'Maybe, just maybe, I can get rid of Snape as well as whoever is teaching defense.' Harry looked over to where the defense teacher should have been sitting and saw an empty chair. 'Just maybe.'

Fred and George Weasley knew they were being stubborn. They knew that they, in order to win Harry's heart, were going about it all wrong. That and add the fact that he probably had no interest in dating currently, as he was only 12 years old, meant that they should wait until they could rationally think of a way to fairly win Harry's interest. Until then they would focus on school and their pranking. They were sure they could do both, and if Dumbledore got angry that they were actually doing their school work more power to them.

Lee Jordan knew he had to make sure that George won Harry's Heart, but he also knew he was being petty about it. It wasn't Harry's fault that the twin's had decided to fall for Harry, but he couldn't help but feel like Harry was to blame. He only hoped he didn't do anything too stupid, like claim Harry was a dark wizard or something.

Neville Longbottom knew that he had Harry to thank for his power, but he also wanted to curse him. He had accidentally caused several magical accidents and none of them were very pretty. First he had accidentally caused all the bedding in Gryffindor to turn pink, which would have been okay if he hadn't been trying to help Dean make Seamus wake up. This incident caused Dean to laugh loudly making Seamus awaken. They then found out that Seamus's clothing had also been turned pink, a rather hot pink at that. Seamus was noticeably less than happy about it, and showed it by hexing Dean. When he found out the culprit was Neville all he had to say was, "It's always the quiet ones."

Albus Dumbledore, in his office, found his machines that tracked the compulsions on the students were all blinking along like they were supposed to. 'Perhaps they are outdated?' the headmaster thought with a frown. If he used another on the Longbottom child he wouldn't be able to use anymore. Longbottom was more powerful than most people knew after all. It wouldn't do to have a possible prophetic child to be out from under his control, would it?

Minerva McGonagall looked out at the students and smiled, until she remembered who was the new DADA teacher. Gilderoy Lockhart. She wasn't sure how he was even hired but one toe out of line, or one bad lesson and she would go to the bored of Governors or her name wasn't Minerva McGonagall.

**First, a thanks to Lassy D, an anonymous reviewer who made me realize that my writing was getting less detailed, thank you. **

**Next, I would like to point out that Minerva may be a little OOC in this fiction. Purists may want to realize that so are the rest of them. I used Compulsions which, while over done, actually make sense. Blocks on magic do as well as we can see in the seventh book that Neville is actually a powerful wizard, and we know that spells don't last long after the death of their wizard. ** **Percy also rejoins the Weasley's in the final battle. My thought is this: Dumbledore uses the Elder Wand to cast the spells, and the Elder Wand being the most powerful wand in existence makes sure that the spells continue to work a while after death. Though in this fic the Master of Death is nothing compared to the Sorcerer's or their guild. This isn't to say that Sorcerers and Sorceresses are actually that powerful, but to say that Wizards have allowed themselves to grow weaker while forcing Sorcerers to make their own way in the world, causing them to only grow in power. **


	13. A Closet Annoyance

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

**A Dream Sequence:**

** The Lord of Nightmares sat there, in my body. I can see that I am a redhead with redish brown eyes. I am a rather short girl, and Gourry is begging that my soul survives. I am weary though, so world weary. My sister, Luna, once described this type of weariness to me. I saved the world again, all I want to do is rest. I know I don't want to join the sea of chaos, but maybe it wouldn't be too bad. The Golden Goddess smiles at his simplicity, and agrees. She doesn't say where or even when I will be, but I will survive. Gourry smiles at the goddess, this Lord of Nightmares, the creator of the worlds. He doesn't seem to realize that it is my fate. I will forever be the favored conduit of the Lord of Nightmares. I am Lina Inverse. I am the most powerful sorceress alive. Through lifetimes I will always survive. **

**End Dream Sequence**

Harry woke up, tears streaming down his face and a feeling of helplessness covering him. It was as though he had remembered something horrible, but now had no clue. He searched for his dreams for the hour until sunrise fruitlessly. As the sun poked through the window he got dressed and went down the stairs to await Ron and Hermione. Within a minute Hermione came down stairs, bright eyed and bushy haired she floated with the days schedule.

"Hey Harry, we have defense first," Hermione bounced as she spoke, excitment palpable, "This means we get to see our new teacher."

"Yeah, and see if he/she is a fraud," Harry replied, there had been no classes the previous day due to the Headmaster needing to check some things. Harry, having unusual forethought, had created amulets to shield him and his friends from mind manipulations and mind magics. He checked them later for magical bindings, relieved to see that there were no new ones. He then created false bindings to make sure Dumbledore wouldn't find anything amiss. His work was shoddy but would have to prevail until his plan went through. Dumbledore was powerful, of that Harry had no doubts, but even he wouldn't be able to bind them all. Teacher's Point of View The Half-Goblin Fillius Flitwick woke up that morning, earlier than usual, even for a Ravenclaw. He had work to do. The diminutive man went to check on his students records, slightly disappointed to note the drop in scores since he had become the head of house. Had he really been that bad a teacher, that bad a role-model? This is what he needed to find out. He started casting charms to reveal secrets and noticed several glowing student files. He went over to them and used a general revealing charm, only to be obliviated for the one thousand seven hundred forty-fifth time. If only he could have remembered the other times.

Severus Snape, potions master, looked around his house common room. 'It really could do with some sprucing up,' he thought bitterly, 'I bet none of the other houses have to live in these conditions.' The house elves only came to clean once the common rooms once a week. When Severus asked why all he got back was ,'its good for the air?' posed as a question by the house elves. He would never guess that it was done purposefully, in an attempt to make Slytherins feel weaker than the other 'light' houses. He definitely wouldn't guess that Albus Dumbledore was to blame for it.

Pomona Sprout looked at her Hufflepuff files with a light melancholy. Since her year at Hogwarts not once had Hufflepuff house won the house cup. It was almost as though it was cursed against them. With a suspicious thought she quickly cast every revealing spell she knew and got caught in a faint gold glow. With that Pomona Sprout, Herbology Mistress was obliviated once again.

Transfiguration Mistress Minerva McGonagall was appalled at nearly everything she had just figured out. After being nearly obliviated by a latent spell she found that nearly all of her students and even her classroom was spelled to create the least optimal learning environment. It had started with a small nudge by her thoughts, 'if Harry, Ron, and Hermione can get up so early, why can't the others?' From there it led to her files, were she found the latent spells that would have activated from any normal secret revealing spell. She simply switched the spell onto a stone and found the truth. Who could have done something like this? She would most definitely take it up with Albus later.

Gilderoy Lockhart, five time winner of Witch Weekly's most charming smile award, was looking at his first class, a bunch of second years, with a smile. His too perfect teeth and flawlessly wavy hair gave him the appearance of a mannikin rather than a human. His flowing robes, 'fuchsia,' Harry absently noted, were pressed and wrinkled free. Over all the man looked more ready to dance at a ball then teach a class.

"_I bet ten sickles he can't teach,"_ Harry whispered to Hermione, his face a serene painting.

"_I won't take it," _Hermione answered back in a whisper, having spotted the inconsistencies in the books as Harry had. She honestly didn't know how anyone could ever have thought they were true. Even Mrs. Weasley shouldn't be that blind to the glaringly obvious.

"_Good on ya, mate. I figured Harry would make that bet,"_ Ron whispered from Harry's other side.

True to Harry's prediction, Gilderoy Lockhart brought out tests that read:

_What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?_

_What is Gilderoy Lockhart's Secret Ambition?_

_What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockharts greatest Opinion to date?_

All the way down to

_When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal present be?_

After Half an hour he picked up the papers and tutted mildly. "Hardly any of you remembered my favorite color is lilac. I say so in _Year with a Yeti. _And a few of you need to read _Wondering with Werewolves_ a bit more carefully – I clearly state in Chapter Twelve that my ideal gift would be Harmony between all magic and non-magic peoples- though I wouldn't say no to a large bottle of Ogdens Old FireWhiskey!"

Of course Hermione, who knew the books by heart and didn't like failing knew every answer, and thus got full marks and ten points to Gryffindor. Harry also knew every answer, except for how he got his position in the school, which was a mystery that Harry wasn't sure he wanted to solve. After all, Mr. Lockhart had a very pretty face.

Lockhart brought out a cage with a large leather-like covering over it, it was shaking slightly.

"Now, I must warn you to not be alarmed. I have in this cage," Lockhart pulled off the covering with flourish, revealing, "Freshly caught _cornish pixies_!"

Lavender and Parvati gasped while Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Neville attempted to keep a straight face. A closet annoyance is their first lesson.

**Ms. Or Mr. or Mrs. Lassy D has once again reviewed and asked me to comb through a few of the older updates and I don't know which ones I can truly revise without messing with the rest of the story. I need to ask you, which chapters should be revised. Please review as this is a serious undertaking. Thank you.**


	14. Azkaban Mentioned

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**Warning: Pleading to make this het, slash, pre-slash, non-con, shota, loli, or anything else will most likely fall on deaf ears. As it is the story pretty much has taken over the plot and twisted it for its own purpose. I am merely the conduit that it allows to write it. If it becomes slash it is all the fault of a Lina reincarnated! AU! Harry. As it is, Harry is probably not going to show interest in anyone until the next year because he is a twelve year old who was neglected from the time he was fifteen months. Just because he is also Lina Inverse doesn't mean that he will suddenly be okay and everything. He is a child who, while not as oblivious as canon or most fanon Harrys, is still not quite under the control of infamous teenage hormones. A heartfelt sorry to Mr./Mrs. Acolyte of the Blood Moon, but I'm not in control anymore. **

**Extra Warning: There will most likely never be a graphic sexual scene in this whole story. I am sorry I just can't write smut. If you want smutty sexual scenes please feel free to not tell me, as a twelve - fifteen year old shouldn't be having sexual relationships. After these ages you can freely tell me and I will most likely say I won't write them. Sorry.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Harry, Hermione, Ron, and very surprisingly Neville looked at the defense teacher with something akin to stupefaction. A common thought between them was, 'is he just that dumb?' and 'How in the hell did he get hired?'

Seamus Finnegan couldn't control himself any longer and just started laughing outright, gaining Lockhart's attention. Harry felt a vague sense of pity for the young Irishman, though he couldn't quiet place his finger on it.

"Yes?" Lockhart inquired smiling, though with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Well, they're not... they're not very... dangerous are they?" Seamus choked out.

"Don't be so sure!" Lockhart said, waggling his finger in a way that made Harry want to freeze it, " Devilishly tricky little blighter's they can be."

Cornish pixies are electric blue and less than a foot tall with shrill voices and pointed faces, they reminded Harry of a miniature blue Draco Malfoy. The moment the cover had come off they started yammering and making faces, as though to rile up the classroom. They reminded Harry of Draco more each second.

"Right then," Lockhart said, wanting to get the show on the road, "Let's see what you make of them." And the idiot opened the cage.

Pandemonium occurred, pixies shooting out everywhere, avoiding Harry like the plague. Two of them ventured towards Neville but decided he was too close to the overpowering feeling of death. Several shot towards the windows to get away from the feeling. The rest proceeded to wreck the classroom effectively, leaving Harry and his small group alone.

"Come now... round them up... Round them up... They're only pixies!" Lockhart was shouting.

He rolled up his sleeves, brandished his wand, which Harry quickly estimated to be about seven and three-quarters inches, and bellowed, "_Peskipiksi Pesternomi." _

It had absolutely no effect, causing Harry to nearly chuckle out loud. One Pixie grabbed his wand and through it out the window, causing Lockhart to run into his office. Harry simply growled and got up causing the pixies to look at him and then go back to their insanity.

"**A Dark Roar will wake you not,**

**A spell of magic will make you drop:**

**SLEEPING"**

Harry's aunt had made him create his own Sleeping just to make sure he would be set for the Headmaster finding out about him. It, after all, wouldn't do to have the Headmaster try to bind his powers again, not that he could in any way that was legal or even based on the light. As the spell flashed the pixies dropped to the floor and everyone clapped, except for Seamus Finnegan who apparently had a tiny bit of creature blood in him, if the sleeping form was any clue.

Harry levitated him and walked out the class room to preform the Counter-Sleeping spell, wondering how to use this new knowledge. Most creatures could use sorcery if they truly applied themselves. Werewolves were a 50/50 chance but vampires always could. Seamus might be capable of sorcery. Of course he also could have fallen from a great height and gotten a concussion.

"Hey," Harry said after the spell woke him up, "You have creature ancestry right? Just enough for a creature sleep to do you in."

"No, I-I I'm Human!" Seamus yelled out, though since the Irishman was always excitable it might just be normal.

"Whatever," Harry said, " I've not got time to waste on this."

The rest of the class started walking out and Harry, after waiting for his friends, walked away with them. Seamus was still red-faced at lunch, and at dinner finally looked okay. He definitely wasn't part Vampire and he knew Seamus wasn't a werewolf. Maybe part werewolf? Or perhaps he was part elf. 'Yeah,' a snide thought came, 'and maybe goldfish poop and Gourry reproduced... actually that would explain the golden idiot teacher.'

Harry laughed a little before thinking, 'Who is goldfish poop?'

* * *

The next day started out like any other, Harry, Hermione, and Ron went down to breakfast where Harry vanished all the binding, compulsion, and weakening potions that he saw, which he started doing on other tables as well. He then started eating a bit after shielding the table against potions for the rest of the day, which was a good move after the house-elves/brownies were apparently informed that the potions weren't being taken and attempted to get them into the students. Harry was ten seconds from freezing the next house elf who tried.

Harry wrote to Aunt Petunia at least four times a week, making sure that she knew what was going on, and informing the sorcerer's guild, which was already willing to help out just to stick it to the Ministry of Magic. The common enemy caused even the most unhelpful on the guild work well with Petunia the Black, who at times had been known to blow up the entire building in a fit of rage. Already they had made new laws against binding a sorcerer for any reason, potioning of a sorcerer by a wizard who wasn't a certified medic or healer, placing compulsions upon a sorcerer. Of course these laws were nicely ignored by Albus Dumbledore who would be getting a surprise during the next ICW meeting. Petunia the Black would be heading the Sorcerer's Guild table, reminding Albus that she had magic and didn't hate it. She would murder Dumbledore's reputation as a noble and light leader by showing everyone what he had done to her nephew. Soon the travesty of justice that was the Supreme Mugwup of the Wizengamot would be dealt with or her name wasn't Petunia the Black.

* * *

Albus Dumbledore sneezed several times. It seems like someone was talking about him, or he had a cold. 'It's most likely the former,' he thought, 'I am a famous wizard after all.' He looked up and saw a snowy while owl in the distance. 'It looks like Harry has mail,' Albus thought, 'probably a prophet.' Albus had tried hard to keep Harry from ever meeting any of his fathers friends. He had even told Remus Lupin that if he had tried to contact Harry then Albus would be forced to place him in Azkaban. It had been a lie at the time, but he quickly passed an act that prevented 'dark' creatures from contacting children's homes, even their own children wouldn't be able to see them. Under the guise of children's safety of course. The Wizengamot ate it up and Albus would be too happy to know that Lupin wouldn't be contacting Harry, especially since it meant Azkaban.

* * *

** As is common in Fanfiction the charges will probably not stick, but it will cause him to lose support, as it already has with the Weasley's. Everyone there wants Dumbledore to eat slugs. Hope to see you soon.**

**Thank You!**


	15. Snakes in the Green Grass

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Harry looked up to the ceiling of the great hall to find that Hedwig was winging her way down to him. Harry reached out his arm to give her a place to land and without looking up, offered her a piece of bacon. She hooted indignantly before giving in with a sheepish look and nipping at the bacon. Harry, smiling at his owls antics, took the letter with his other hand. It was from his Aunt Petunia.

_'Dear Harry,'_ it read, '_I've decided to divorce Vernon. This has been coming for a long time as I had hoped eventually he would get over hating magic and has nothing to do with you.' _the letter had tear stains upon it, a clear sign that she loved him, '_he saw Dudders doing accidental magic the day after you left and tried to strike him. I gave him ten minutes to pack some stuff and leave before I called the police...'_ the tear stains were more evident at this portion of the letter... '_He then tried to hit me, but I knocked him out with my frying pan, which was across the room at the time. Dudders saw me using magic and asked me why we were freaks... I looked at him and saw all the damage I had allowed Vernon to do. I couldn't let it keep happening. I will train him to be the best damn wizard in the world. I am going to attempt to get him a place at Beauxbatons academy of Magic in France. I would attempt to move you there as well but they wouldn't accept a Sorcerer, even one who had a little Wizardry training.' _Harry could nearly hear his aunts exasperation here, having known her thoughts on the wizarding standpoint to sorcerers, _'They will accept Dudley because his mother is a sorceress, not him. I only wish both of you could have been sorcerers, then I would have been training the two of you, especially without Dumb As A Door's interference. As for an answer to your last letter, the Guild is ready to go after Christmas. You and Dudley will be coming home. Now that I don't have to hide my magic we will have a Sorcerer's Holiday. Love, Aunt Petunia.'_

"It looks like I am going home this Christmas," Harry said with a smile. Ron and Hermione looked at Harry with bewilderment.

"You want to go home?" Hermione asked, "What about your uncle."

"My aunt just gave me the best gift in the world. They're going to divorce. I really should thank Vernon though, if he hadn't tried to hit Dud I wouldn't be able to go and experience a 'Sorcerer's Holiday', whatever that is," Harry explained. He was glad the overgrown whale of a man was gone, but not quite so glad that Dudley had almost gotten hit. Dudley may have been a rotten child, but he was still a child and taught to act that way by his father. Harry knew that Marjorie Dursley, Vernon's sister, would want to kill Vernon when she found out what he had almost done to her precious Duddikins.'I wonder if Aunt Petunia will retake the Evans name,' Harry wondered silently. Meanwhile in his office, Albus Dumbledore felt a cold shiver as though all of his plans were going to fail at once.  
_

**Quick A/N: This isn't the end of the chapter yet I just wanted to point out that my Albus has no seer ability, though this may seem like it. He is putting pieces together subconsciously which is causing the cold shivers. **

Harry walked to the potions classroom for another **sarcasm warning** warm welcome from 'Professor' Snape. He, Ron, and Hermione arrived outside the door ten minutes early with all their equipment. The green robes of the Slytherins soon came into view followed by some sneering faces. Daphne Greengrass, whose title was 'ice princess', showed no outward signs of emotion besides her eyes which held a hidden humour. It amused her how her fellow 'cunning' Slytherins acted towards the saviour of the Wizarding World. They could be making friends with him and getting political connections, but they apparently weren't in the right house. Her best, and possibly only, friend Tracy Davis secretly agreed with Daphne's thoughts but wouldn't ever voice them. The slender blonde may have nothing to fear from Slytherin House, but Tracey herself wasn't as good with hexes. She was a transfiguration type of girl. She was ahead in Transfiguration and could already animate things, but she kept her strength to herself. No one but Daphne knew of her love of Transfiguration, and that was because she helped Tracey find new books for it. Tracey was a half blood and was only safe because Daphne hexed anyone who tried to hurt her. They knew that if Tracey got hurt, the rest of the house would most certainly die a horrible death. Daphne was worse than a mother dragon.

Daphne waved slightly to Harry, Ron and Hermione, though only Harry and Hermione waved back, Ron was packed down with extra potions books that Hermione said might help him with the theory. He was reading them to the surprise of most of Slytherin House.

Snape and the rest of Gryffindor House arrived at the same time, a minute before class. Snape, surprised to see the Golden Trio early, and a Weasley reading, merely showed them inside and waited for the Slytherins to finish setting up before launching into a "Welcoming" lecture about how if they messed up this year they would have to work at least fifty times as hard next year to catch up. Ron, Hermione and Harry were paying attention to the lecture, surprising Snape even more. He was getting creeped out by the attention from the three lions, and Neville who was sitting next to Seamus. Seamus was attempting to set his stuff up and made the perfect target.

"Finnegan, what would happen if you set the scales up wrong?" Snape asked in a brisk, icy manner.

"Well, I suppose you would be getting the wrong measures of ingredients," Seamus replied thoughtfully, " Of course it depends on how you view wrong. If I were to want to make twice the amount of potions I can set my scale to make sure I get twice the ingredients."

Snape nearly jumped at the well thought out answer, "Correct." He of course gave no points to a Gryffindor. "Potter, what would happen if I were to stir the wrong direction in a potion."

"Depends on what the stirring were to symbolize professor, the moon, the sun, adding magic, reducing magic. If you stir the wrong way you may add an influence of something you'd rather not." Harry answered quietly.

"Correct, Mr. Potter," Snape said quietly. The trick question was foiled by a Potter. A Potter. "Today we are making a boil cure to see if you remember last year. The directions are on the board."

Snape then walked around the room, truly looking at the potions for the first time in a decade. "Goyle," He said, "Don't add the quills so soon. Do you want to blow it up?" was heard from across the room, "Draco, you're my godson for heavens sake, use your brain and don't let the potion next to you blow up." He walked around the room noticing a difference in the Gryffindors. They were actually being competent, not that he'd admit it. He skulked around their potions and found not one truly destroyed potion. Even Longbottom had a decent potion. He looked over to Daphne Greengrass and Tracey Davis who both had perfect potions, the only Slytherins with perfect potions. He then looked at Potter and found a perfect potion, already completed. Granger and Weasley were gaping at him while finishing theirs. Snape nearly felt like gaping himself. Potter had somehow shaved five minutes from the brewing time. He had expected it from Greengrass and Davis, they were brilliant at potions, but a Potter? Never. He must have inherited his mothers genes after all.  
_

**A/N Don't worry Snape Hater's. Snape won't suddenly be a good teacher. He will; however, notice that his house is acting less than cunning. He will attempt to remedy this by giving detentions when his precious snakes get caught by him and not overturning other teacher's punishments. He wants his snakes to be smart, not idiots with no brains. **


	16. The Remembrance of Fish Poop

**As a long-time fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS  
**

* * *

**Dream Sequence:**

** Naga the White Serpent was his friend, he recalled. He'd never truly admit it, but he liked the crazy lady. Naga was one of the few that would make his red eyes sparkle with mirth when being stupid, instead of darken with anger or exasperation.**

** Naga's laugh was one of the few things about the annoying girl he would never miss. That and the fact her Golem forming spells tended to backfire royally.**

** He had lost track of Naga, once long ago, though he didn't quiet know why or when he started to miss her. Such a strange thing the human heart is, he contemplated.**

**End Dream Sequence:**

'Damn you Goldfish Poop!' Harry thought randomly. He couldn't quiet remember why he thought that, he had never had any fish, or indeed any pet besides Hedwig. He simply knew that it was an integral part of his soul, something that wouldn't ever go away. 'Gourry,' He thought to himself, 'when had the world ever been so difficult.' Not quiet knowing who Gourry was, besides the blonde swordsman from his dreams, he felt comforted to think to him his problems. After all his dreams wouldn't judge.

Harry looked at the window and saw that it was still dark. His dreams, while becoming fuzzier and fuzzier, had started waking him up earlier. He sighed, knowing from past experience he wouldn't sleep again that night. 'Why can't I just wake up at a normal time.' He thought bitterly.

Harry rummaged around his trunk in the near darkness, pulling out a change of clothes. It was already the end of the second week of school and he was starting a routine of waking up early and going to bed late. He walked to the shower after searching for the date in his head. 'September 19th', he thought... 'Hermione's birthday.' He wondered briefly if he should remind Ron to bring her gift down to breakfast. 'No, she'd know about us getting her gifts then,' He decided. Smiling he went to dry off and put his clothes on. He decided to shrink her gift and put it in his pocket.

He got out as the sun was rising and Ron's alarm spell woke him up. "Morning, glad you finally learned silencing charms," Harry teased. It was a well known fact that Ron's snoring would have woken the whole dorm if they couldn't just silence it. "Hermione's birthday today. What did you get her?"

Ron blushed red and mumbled something incoherently. Harry's smile widened to Cheshire like proportions. "What was that Ron? I didn't quiet hear you."

"I made her a charm bracelet," he whispered, "I got the charms in Diagon Alley while you and Hermione were distracted and then waited until I got here to charm them with different things. You being distracted distracted Fred, and George. Ginny is the one who thought of the idea of charms."

Harry smiled widely. He knew that Hermione liked Ron, and now he had the inkling that Ron liked Hermione back. "Well since its small enough to carry in your pocket, why don't you give it to her at breakfast?"

Ron blushed again and agreed. Harry smiled as he quickly drew up mental plans to get him to admit to her that he liked her. It was so much better than to dwell on his own problems.

Hermione was waiting in the common room for her two male friends. Harry, she knew, was already awake, just taking one of his showers, and Ron would wake with his wand alarm as he showered at night. Hermione knew these things because Ron had a habit of announcing when he was going to shower and Harry always had wet hair in the mornings. She smiled as she relaxed with her book in front of the warm fire.

Ever since Harry had lifted the compulsions everything there had been going great. Ron and Harry were doing school work without prompting, leaving time after everything was done to relax, which they did. Ron's potions were improving as well. She was astonished at how good Ron was at magic now that he actually paid attention.'He seems to have an ease about him when studying too,' she thought happily, 'I wonder if, without the compulsions, would he have gone to Ravenclaw House?'

Harry and Ron quietly stepped downstairs, hoping to surprise their all too observant friend. Harry signalled Ron to walk slowly up to Hermione... "Hello guys," She said without looking, "I can see you through the table's reflection."

"Damn," Harry cursed lightly, "and I thought we finally got you," He smiled as Hermione playfully scowled.

"Harry James Potter, you shouldn't curse. What if a first year heard that?" Hermione scolded with a smile, she had given up on his cursing three days prior. She figured, 'if he is happy, I'll let him be.'

Ronald smiled at his two friends antics before putting his two cents in, "So, food anyone?" Harry, Hermione, and Ron went down the several flights of stairs to the great hall. Harry chanted the spell to see and cursed lightly. "Everything has been potioned today."

"Seriously," Ron said with exasperation rather than disbelief, "When will he give up?"

"Well then, we won't eat it," Harry said vanishing all the food from the tables, the Ravenclaws having learned to not eat until he was there sighed as he placed an anti potion spell on all the tables, "That will take care of the potions that he deems fit to try to feed us."

Food quickly reappeared, unglowing to Harry's vision. He quickly chanted three spells in quick succession before sitting and making his plate, Ravenclaw, Hermione, and Ron quickly following suit. The teachers came in once again shortly after the Hufflepuffs, as had been happening for the past two weeks. Dumbledore only knew about the potions being vanished because of the elves who were reluctant to tell him. They ironed their own ears each time they did as the headmaster asked. One little brownie went so far as to go directly to Harry and apologise. Wrinkles, the house elf, apologised several times. The brownies, he explained, were tied to Hogwarts, and Hogwarts to the Headmaster. They couldn't disobey until he tries to poison them or is ousted.

"Poor little house elves," Hermione said, "forced to potion unsuspecting children. Well, I guess not so unsuspecting now," She admitted.

"Hermione, it'll be fine once the Headmaster is gone," Harry comforted.

"Yeah, and today is your birthday. You should be happy today," Ron said, initiating a hug which was returned with slight enthusiasm.

"Yeah," She said smiling, "I should be."

"We got you something Hermione," Harry said with a smile, both of them removing shrunk items from their robe pockets.

"Here," Harry said enlarging a pair of glasses, "They are charmed to help you read faster, and understand what you read."

She smiled and hugged Harry, squeezing tightly, "Thank you, these are great."

"I got you something too," He said enlarging the bracelet, "the charms have different functions. The lemon will tell you if the twins have pranked anything near you, the book will help you find lost things, and the shield will stop a minor hex. I charmed them myself. They should be hard to break as well. I asked Professor Babbling about the runes needed to ground the spells." Hermione nearly crushed Ron with her hug, he had gone through so much to make her a present.

"Thank you Ron, I'll always treasure it."

* * *

**I looked up Hermione's birthday and Her middle name will be Jane, not Jean. It was originally Jane, but JKR changed it to Jean in the 6th book to give her less of a connection to Umbitch. Also Umbitch might play in this story, possibly on Albus's side of things as she hates those 'half breed' sorcerers. Oh Umbitch, what will you do now. **

**Kmon13: thank you for recognizing the reference. Also thank you for referring to Dumbledore and Fudge's imminent demise. **

**twilightserius: Gourry being reincarnated may be in the cards or it might not. The Lord of Nightmares works in ways I wouldn't want to comprehend. **


	17. The Greatest Mistake Dumbles Made

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were sitting in the Library after dinner, an hour before curfew. They worked quietly and efficiently on their essays. Harry was doing Potions first, an essay on the effects of stirring a potion, as it was the class he struggled most in, followed by History which had an essay on the Goblin Wars, Ron was doing Charms simply because he found the cheering charm to be delightful and Hermione was doing Transfiguration, an essay on Aviflors, using her glasses to speed read information. Madame Pince came over every once and again to scowl at them, but they didn't notice. Harry had placed a circle around them that would prevent distractions and spell-fire. He didn't answer why spell-fire would be in the Library, but he didn't need to, as a well place rictusempra from someone would definitely distract them.

"Done," Harry whispered, "Now I just need to spell check it and hand it in." He smiled as he looked over his legible, yet still a little sloppy, homework. "Now all I need is a spell to make it neater." Harry waved his wand over the paper and whispered, "Corrigo." The paper flashed golden as the lines of writing moved slightly, fixing his paper to look neater. The lines of ink were rearranged into a perfect appearance. Snape would have a problem taking off points for that.

"Harry, that's a seventh year spell," Hermione whispered with a smile, "I should probably learn it, but my writing is nice already though there is a spell checking spell I know." She looked off into the distance, trying to find the incantation to the spell checking spell.

"Blimey mate," Ron said quietly, "Would you teach me that spell It would make my writing better." Ron was obviously amazed at the possibility that his writing could be better, his eyes were slightly glazed and his mouth hung a little open.

"Sure," Harry shrugged, "but you should get a different parchment and write on it. Getting the spell wrong can cause more problems in your writing."

"Oh... can you cast the spell on this paper while I practice?" Ron asked as he picked up a parchment and started writing on it with his quill.

"Fine. But only this once." Harry cast the spell, tweaking it so that it was still noticeably Ron's handwriting a little of a slant, and a small scratch at the end of the words. "Have either of you noticed that Dumbledore is looking angrier as of late?" Harry asked his two best friends, who shrugged. "Even his eyes have stopped twinkling."

"Yeah, but you have to realise, you are ruining all his plans, they might have taken decades to lay," Hermione pointed out with a victorious smile. She may know Dumbledore is a powerful wizard and respect that, but she hated the old goat more than Harry did. He had not only attempted to make the Wizarding World worse, but he had also attempted to corner her so he could use the compulsion spell upon her again. Harry had barely gotten there in time to scare him.

"Yeah," Ron added, "and you pulled every block off the kids and are preventing potions based blocks and compulsions. Its a no-brainer that he will be angrier than mum when we flew the car." He shuddered at the memory of his mothers yelling, and then again at the memory of his fainting episode. It was something he was thankful Hermione had never seen.

"Yeah, I guess we will just have to try to keep constantly vigilant," Harry said with a melancholy smile, "He just doesn't want to give up."

They heard walking towards them and saw the twins. "Dumbledore tried to corner us today to find out more about you Harry," They started, "He attempted Legilimency on us."

Harry started, the art of mind invasion. "Its illegal to use Legilimency on a minor. He finally messed up." Harry jumped up and hugged each of the twins who blushed red. He smiled at their warmth and let go to summon a parchment and wrote a quick note to his aunt, forgoing the use of an owl he transported it there using a similar spell to the one that brought his aunt to the Weasley's kitchen, "We finally got him. The sorcerer's guild will be all over this."

Hermione, Ron, the twins, and Harry smiled at the thought of a Dumbledore-free school.

Petunia Dursley was going through the final processes of divorce. Having placed wards around her house to stop Vernon, or worse Dumbledore, from getting inside she felt safe. Knowing that the Sorcerer's Council would soon have Dumbledore in trouble, if not evicted from the school, she hoped that the school would be safer for her nephew. Her son was going to Beauxbatons and had a few friends, none of whom knew that his mother was a sorceress. They had accepted him, partially because Hogwarts wouldn't and Durmstrang wasn't an option, they wouldn't accept a half-blood, especially a first generation half-blood. They wouldn't even accept a first generation pure-blood for that matter or Petunia would have sent Harry there just to spite Dumbledore.

A flash pulled her out of her thoughts as a parchment, slightly singed, appeared on the table before her. She snatched it up, for Harry to have used such a spell meant something big had happened and he didn't want to chance an interference.

'_Dear Aunt Petunia,_

_Dumbledore messed up. He tried Legilimency on the two biggest pranksters in the school. The good news is that they learned Occlumency in second year to hide their pranks and keep their faces straight. We can use this, right? Even for a wizard its illegal to Legilimize a minor. _

_Your nephew,_

_Harry J. Potter'_

Petunia reread everything to make sure she hadn't hallucinated it. Albus 'leader of the light' Dumbledore had messed up, and big. Not only was it illegal in Wizarding Britain but it was against the Hogwarts Charter. She read it to see if she could slip him up, but until now she hadn't had anyway to do so. She got her staff and pulled on her Sorcerer's Guild uniform. 'Finally,' She thought, 'Albus Dumbledore will fall and the magical world will be better off for it.' Petunia Dursley, Madam Petunia the Black of the Sorcerer's Guild, flashed off to the Guild tower. For once she wasn't going to want to blow it up after the meeting was over.

**Petunia hates two things in this AU world. Albus Dumbledore, and The Sorcerer's Guild. She just hates Albus a few times more than the Guild that she now technically is working with. She wanted the title of 'the Pink', but no one had used that title since Lina was around. **


	18. Dumbledore Captured

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**Warning: Dumbledore Torturing! If you don't like Political Torture then Please back away slowly.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Madam Petunia the Black was an extremely happy sorceress. Happy for a few reasons: 1.) she had just found out that there used to be a restriction on teaching magic, but it was overturned when people started to lose magical affinity, 2.) There was no such thing as a muggleborn because at one point all humans could do magic, and 3.) the guild was a lot more cooperative than it was in the past. Due to number 3 being true Petunia Dursley had just gotten an arrest warrant for one Albus Dumbledore. The warrant was embossed with the coat and arms of the Sorcerer's Guild, and was approved by the ICW in a secret meeting just an hour ago. Apparently Dumbledore had stepped on a lot of toes, including that of Brazilian representative, Gourry Gabriev. Gabriev was a part demon who had travelled with Lina Inverse and now lived with his long time friend and accomplice Zelgadis Greywords. Zelgadis was a sorcerer and a hybrid of Golem, Demon, and Human. Flying herself to Hogwarts, Petunia smirked. 'Albus Dumbledore, here I come!'

She stopped in mid-air and checked the time on her watch. It was 7 am, Albus Dumbledore and Harry would both be at breakfast. She smirked again, time for a little transportation.

**From Here to There,**

**A Source of Space and Time,**

**A Flash of Light:**

**TRANSPORTATION**

With a big white flash Petunia Dursley appeared floating a foot above Gryffindor Table where Harry was smiling.

"Albus Dumbledore!" Petunia yelled at the top of her lungs, "You are under arrest for the use of the mind arts on minors, attempted compulsions on sorcerers, attempted bindings on sorcerers, and the attempted compulsion and binding of minors. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can be held against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you can not afford one, one will be appointed to you. If you speak without an attorney you may stop to consult an attorney at anytime." As she said this golden bindings were flying out from her hands and attaching to him, "Do you understand these rights as I have explained them to you?"

The golden bindings were wrapping swiftly around the Headmaster who looked stunned as he recognised the sorceress binding him. Petunia Evans. How could he have forgotten she was a sorceress, a magical being. She wouldn't have abused Harry, though if she thought he was a wizard she wouldn't do much to protect him from Vernon. With a flash of light, the headmaster nor Petunia were within the Great Hall of Hogwarts any longer.

Meanwhile:

A flash of transportation within the holdings cells deposited one Albus Dumbledore upon the cold marble floor. As he stood up and whipped out his elder wand gold runes glowed with life, he waved his wand shouting, "Bombarda," to no avail, as he looked closely at the runes he noticed a central theme. A hatred of wizardry. As long as he was in that room he was as powerful as a muggle. 'They won't be able to keep me for long,' the aged Headmaster thought, 'Fudge will have me out of here in no time.'

Petunia the Black, who stood in the shadows, chuckled and said, "You really shouldn't have tried to bind a sorcerer. The Guild might not have taken such offence if you hadn't."

Dumbledore was gob-smacked, "How? Who?"

"It is only I, Petunia the Black." She laughed, "OhhooohohohohOhohoHO." She walked out from the shadows to show herself.

"I meant how did you know he is a sorcerer. The blocks shouldn't have come off until the second week of school, where I would replace them yet again," Albus said, digging a deeper hole.

"Oh, the blocks came off when he chanted a spell. He must have heard one of my spells and decided to see if it worked." Petunia wondered about that as well. Albus was a powerful wizard, and his wand as powerful as well, being what it was. Every full fledged sorcerer knew what the Elder Wand was and who its current master was as well. They also knew that the Resurrection Stone was on a ring. The ring the stone was on was a Horcrux and the Invisibility Cloak was in the possession of the sorcerer Harry Potter.

"Well Petunia," Dumbledore said, "I imagine your glamour must be tiring. Why do you wear it even here? You probably look ten to twenty years younger than your glamour."

"Because all sorcerers wear glamours to conceal our true age. By Morgana are you so stupid?" Petunia asked the being she equated to a toddler, "We live hundreds of years, of course we are going to conceal our age."

'Hundreds of years. The ministry is right, only dark creatures can live that long!' Dumbledore thought fearfully, 'When Fudge frees me I will start acting at once to eradicate these dark beings.'

The sorceress looked in on his thoughts and saw his plan. She was appalled, "Seriously Dumbledore, you want to eradicate us all. What about your prophecy child? Going to kill Harry Potter?"

"He will die on his own," Dumbledore said with a slightly sad tone, "He is, after all, a Horcrux." The Headmaster's eyes glinted slightly as Petunia smirked.

"You're really stupid," Petunia said still smirking widely, "I destroyed the Horcrux as soon as I realised what it was."

Dumbledore looked shocked, the appalled, "Then how come he can speak to snakes?" He asked. 'If he is the rightful heir to a founder he can do something I don't want to happen,' Dumbledore thought frantically. He quickly scrambled for another answer, but came up with nothing.

"That's right old man. Harry is the rightful heir of Slytherin," Petunia said with a slightly twisted grin, enjoying Dumbledore's distraught features, "and if the Hogwarts charter is correct, he can finally bring wizards into the twentieth century."

"NOOOO!" Dumbledore's scream of political anguish was heard throughout the Guild as several members laughed under the cover of coughing.

"OhohohohohoHoOHhhohoh!"


	19. Changes to Hogwarts

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS  
_**

Harry looked up at his friends with a grin. Dumbledore was gone, permanently with any luck.

"Mr. Potter!" McGonagall shouted, "Why did your guardian just go off with the Headmaster?" Her face said it all, the lines of worry, the confusion in her eyes. She had no clue what to do, so she asked the only one who she thought could have a thought of what was going on.

"That was Petunia Evans?" Severus Snape asked with astonishment featured in his eyes even as his face was cold and impassive, "That sorceress was Petunia..."

Harry looked at Snape. 'When had he met my aunt,' he thought, 'and if he knew her how didn't he know she was a sorceress.' He looked at McGonagall next and smirked lightly, "The headmaster has been breaking a few laws, and the Sorcerer's Guild is much less lenient than the Ministry of Magic."

The teachers, and the students from Hufflepuff and a few Slytherins, looked astonished. They weren't awake when Harry spelled the tables against potion use, and they weren't awake when he banished the food either. They wouldn't have ever known something was wrong as they hadn't woken yet, and Harry hadn't taken the time to loosen their binds and compulsions, preferring to allow them to loosen on their own. Severus looked at the Potter mildly annoyed, yet understanding. He had long suspected that the decline of academic success in the Wizarding World was due to the headmaster in some way, shape or form. It wasn't too much of a hardship to have it proved.

McGonagall, Flitwick, and Sprout looked pensively, what had the headmaster done that made the Sorcerer's Guild look their way. "Binding a sorcerer," McGonagall whispered softly, "Mr. Potter was bound by Albus." A single tear raced down her face, she had been so blind to his ways.

"Mr. Potter was bound?" The Ravenclaw Head of House asked himself, it certainly explained many of the happenings, if Mr. Potter was unbound, he would try to unbind everyone else. It explained the rising quality of assignments and spell work. It would also explain why Severus was so pensive, he would have suspected it all along. He probably found bindings on himself that he had to remove. He would have thought it was either He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named or the headmaster of the time, Albus Dumbledore.

Professor Sprout was thinking much the same things, including how her house had become more hard-working over the last few weeks. She had much to thank the Boy-Who-Lived for, this just added one more thing. "Thank you." She told Harry, "We have no headmaster now, Minerva will have to be the interim headmistress."

"I agree," Snape said nearly silently.

Everyone looked at the epitome of Slytherin with wide eyes. "Are you okay?" was heard from several places on the staff table. Hagrid said something to the effect of Lovegood being right about nargles, whatever they were. They only heard the last word of Harry's spell: **EXORCISM.**

The white light that flashed over Snape didn't turn black with the presence of an evil spirit, but grey. Harry looked confused as Snape grabbed is arm in agony.

"W-well," Harry stuttered, "He isn't possessed." The faculty and the students looked at Harry as though he had gained a third head until the head a joyous cry.

"It's gone!" Snape yelled with joy, "The Mark is gone." He smiled wide, "One Hundred points to Gryffindor!" The Slytherins looked at their head of house as though he had revealed himself to be a vampire. One Hundred Points to Gryffindor...

"It's really gone Severus?" Professor McGonagall asked, "For sure?"

"Yes," He bared his arm, sallow pale skin stared at them all. "My days of spying for Albus Dumbledore ended long ago, and this proves it." He smiled like a lunatic. He was free.

"Mr. Potter, ten points from Gryffindor for attacking a teacher," The idiot blonde said, who hadn't understood the complexity of what had happened, "And ten points from Gryffindor for being a sorcerer."

"Mr. Lockhart," Professor McGonagall said sweetly, "You're fired." Her sweet smile nearly gave the school diabetes as the students, even the females who by now had realised he was a fraud, cheered. "I am also going to call the goblins in regards to curse-breakers. So please don't attempt to apply next year."

The professors looked gob-smacked. Finally they might have a competent colleague for defence. Severus Snape looked at McGonagall and she smiled slightly. The students, realising it was nearly 9:00 gobbled up the rest of their food as McGonagall announced, "NO CLASS TODAY!" They cheered while Ravenclaw House, and the Golden Trio, merely picked up their stuff and headed to the library to study. It would never hurt to be too far ahead of the class, they collectively figured.

"After lunch," Ron started, "We are going to play a little, otherwise we will never be able to study properly." Hermione and Harry quickly laughed and agreed. Ron's newest version of playing was seeing how much enchantment he could accomplish with his limited knowledge of runes. So far he had made a new wizard chess set, a basic and crude dark detector which went off at the lightest of jinxes (good around the twins) and a new charm for Hermione's bracelet that imitated a shield charm for when she was home in the muggle world.

"Okay, but I'm going to get you a new runes book later, that way you can branch out," Harry said, as they got into the library Harry summoned books on charms from his bag and without thought started reading at the nearest table he could find. The others joined him, pulling out different books each. Hermione a battered copy of _A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration, _and Ron a copy of _1001 Magical Herbs and Fungi _to help him further with his potions, which while worse than Harry's were closer to Malfoy rank, not that Snape would ever admit he had done it right. Harry had found that he was good at potions when no one was yelling at him. Snape was too busy in class recently yelling at Crabbe, Goyle, and Neville who had to be prevented from blowing up the room. Especially after Snape had found out the Crabbe and Goyle had secretly sewn a bottomless pocket into the insides of their robes with prepared potions in them. They had gotten detention for that and their robes confiscated.

I**f you think that this is too easy for them you haven't seen what's going to happen. Yes, there will be a moment of peace, but there is usually calm before a hurricane. Also: PLEASE STOP ASKING FOR EITHER HET OR SLASH. THIS ISN'T A LINA/GOURRY! HE IS NEARLY TWO THOUSAND YEARS OLD! Thank you.**


	20. The Cruel and Powerful Hermione

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

_** Begin Petunia's dream:**_

_** Petunia 'The Black' Dursley, formerly and soon to return to Evans, was laughing quite maniacally as she read the paper for September 30th. It had taken them a week to come up with the unoriginal title of:**_

_**Headmaster Kidnapped?**_

_**An Arrest in Hogwarts **_

_**By: Rita Skeeter**_

_** Several sources inside Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were appalled just a week ago as a sorceress arrested Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts, Grand Sorcerer, Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, ect. Ect. His charges: He did knowingly bind a under-age sorcerer's power to the level of a wizard, and he did knowingly use compulsions on students. The charges also include Legilimency, the magical art of invading the mind. This magical art is illegal to use on minors and without consent or license it is illegal to use on adults as well. This reporter asks, has Albus Dumbledore lost his mind? Do we all need to learn Legilimency to stop those powerful enough from reading our thoughts? This Reporter doesn't want to find out!**_

_**Sorcerer's Guild Sues For Grand Sorcerer Title (Page 2a)**_

_**More on Sorcerers (Page 2b)**_

_**Legilimency and Occlumency (Page 3-4)**_

_** Petunia chuckled, "Maybe he won't be so mind happy after this.**_

_** "I wouldn't be so sure," a voice said from the shadows. Quickly Petunia flung a wordless fireball at the voice where it hit, hard, "Ouch, I forgot that sorcerer's could do wordless spells now. Just shows I should keep up with the rest of the world."**_

_** "Who's there? I know the dragon slave spell," Petunia warned, a ball of fuschia light forming over her hand.**_

_** "I am Luna Inverse, Knight of the God Celphied... or I was until he ended his existence. Now I have his powers, but he isn't around," A red haired lady with big green eyes came forward.**_

_** "Lily?"**_

_** "I reincarnated myself to relearn about this world. My reincarnation was Lily. When Lily died, I woke up as Luna again," The Knight said.**_

_** "You're Lily then."**_

_** "Not quite, but close. Harry is still my child, but he also isn't."**_

_** "Why didn't you take care of him then? He needed his mother!" Petunia yelled, "Why couldn't you just stay on earth with him!"**_

_** Luna looked shocked at the outburst from her normally stoic sorceress sister, had so much changed since she died. "You have to understand, I wasn't the only knight when Celphied disappeared. We all became Immortal, rather like gods. We have rules to keep each other in check. I can reincarnate, but I can't stay with my children after I die."**_

_** "Then why are you here now," Petunia said petulantly. **_

_** "Because I am needed."**_

**End Dream Sequence:**

A flash of light and Petunia woke up, sleeping at her desk. 'What a fucked up dream,' Petunia thought, 'Lily, a god. Might as well power my spells from the Great God Lily. OhhHOOHOHOHohoHOH!'

Petunia heard a knock at the door and waved it open, "Yes?"

"Petunia," called Gourry Gabriev, who had arrived to the guild a day ago, "You've been asleep all day. Zelgadis tried to wake you but there was a barrier."

"Oh, sorry," The sorceress apologised with a blush, "I must have accidentally activated my experimental barrier runes... good thing they work properly or we might all be blown up." She looked down at her ward stone, which indeed had a few black smudges on it, the sign of imperfect activation. Her eyes bulged as she realised just how lucky they were. 'Thank the gods,' Petunia thought, 'Thank them all.'

Harry Potter woke up on the 1st of October feeling warm inside, as though he had just gotten a hug from someone who he hadn't seen in years. It was an odd feeling, but odder was the feeling that he had beheld this feeling before. 'Perhaps in the memory of a memory, eh Gourry?' Harry thought to his dream, 'Perhaps in the memory of a memory.'

Harry looked at the clock and noticed it was five thirty, he had slept for an hour longer than usual, 'perhaps that's the reason,' he thought to himself, 'I haven't slept in this long since the third day of school.'

Harry got up and went into the shower room to wash, having brought a robe instead of clothes so that he could relax. He walked into the door, and saw George, naked. Harry felt his face heat with emotion and quickly ran from the room, his breath coming too heavily, his heart pounding too hard. 'I hope he didn't see me,' he thought as he resigned himself to a scourgify and dressed, 'I must have been beet red. Oh, gods, he will never let me live this down. I'm acting like such a girl.'

Harry went down the stairs where Hermione was waiting with Fred. Harry's mind leaped to George's body, 'they are so similar,' he thought, 'who knows how similar.' His face heated again as he tried to calm his mind and whispered a glamour spell to cover his face. As long as they didn't look too closely they wouldn't notice anything.

"Harry," Hermione said, "You're three minutes early. What's wrong?"

Harry smiled slightly, "Nothings wrong Hermione," He smiled wider to show it.

"If you say so," Hermione said, rolling her eyes at the obvious attempt.

"So Harry," Fred said nervously, "Want to go eat breakfast with me?"

"Ummm... Sure," Harry replied with a tentative smile to the elder redhead, "I'd like that."

Hermione giggled as her and Fred's plan went off without a hitch. Now she just had to tell George that her and his plan was going well. Playing both sides of the twins would keep her prank free for weeks. 'Heeehe!' she thought with gusto as she ran up the stairs to wake Ron up. 'Now if only I could get Ron in on the plan,' Hermione thought devilishly, 'Then we can get Colin to meet Harry, get rejected, and he can stop bugging Ron and I for pictures of Harry.'

**Harry's reaction is normal considering how little he has allowed himself to think of such things I guess. I won't say that I wouldn't have been completely embarrassed at that kinda situation myself. He is such the innocent little kid and with the way the twins have been teasing, I can imagine nearly anyone acting that way. LOL! I also will admit to the creeper! Colin, but that's actually rather canon of me. I just couldn't make him an actually good person, does that make me cruel? Most likely.**


	21. The Queen of Ice

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Harry James Potter was having an odd day, even for the week before Halloween. First he woke up from a dream where someone who laughed like his aunt had summoned several golems to attempt to defeat an orc. Orcs had long since gone extinct, as he had learned from his aunt's lessons and training. Then, hours later at lunch, a ministry official name Deloris Umbridge had attempted to arrest him for the kidnap of Albus Dumbledore. It was only due to Headmistress McGonagall being there that she hadn't been roasted by a Burst Flare. As it was she would probably be treating frost bite for a few years. Most of the kids with parents working in the ministry cheered and Ron hugged him for taking out a, "Slimy, gitty, toad woman." At dinner Severus Snape had hexed the Minister of Magic for attempting to arrest him. He only said, "You saved me from a lifetime of servitude. I'm not so arrogant to think I can allow you to go to jail." He then sat back down and proceeded to eat his dinner calmly.

Now the Ministry had sent him an owl reading:

_Dear Mr. Potter:_

_ Following the events upon September 23 you are hereby expelled from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. A Ministry representative will be by shortly to snap your wand and bind your sorcerous abilities._

_Sincerely,_

_Mafalda Hopkirk_

_Improper Use of Magic Office_

Harry, surprised at their stupidity, laughed. "Do they really want a war with the Sorcerer's Guild?" He asked as he summoned a parchment.

_Dear Mafalda Hopkirk,_

_ Please go right ahead and try. Unless you wish to battle a sorcerer then you should think twice._

_Sincerely,_

_Harry Potter_

_Sorcerer and Wizard_

**Time and Space,**

**Bend to my will,**

**My Magic as a Source:**

**LETTER DELIVERY**

A flash of bright light sent the letter spiralling into the office of one Mafalda Hopkirk. As she read the letter her eyes widened. 'This will have to go straight to Amelia!' She thought to herself as she charmed the letter to fly with a memo saying, 'For The Eyes of Amelia Bones Only.' A smaller memo was attached to the other memo.

Madam Bones was sitting in her office contemplating what her niece had told her. According to her Albus Dumbledore had been binding the magic of students for quiet a while. She had interviewed the heads of houses who had confessed that they had noticed a trend of weakening students and had set homework accordingly to attempt to improve their magical abilities. It had only been recently that Harry Potter, freshly unbound, had unbound the rest of the students and everyone was having problems controlling the now vast amounts of magic they had. The professors were assigning homework on control for three weeks and there were still small magical accidents. Including which the most funny, Susan had reported, was Neville accidentally transfiguring a hat onto Severus Snape's head. She saw the letter and the memos.

_**Someone has been forging my handwriting! Someone has also attempted to Expel Mr. Potter and Bind him! It could only have come from my department. We Must Get To The Bottom Of This! Mr. Potter has done nothing illegal or against the Hogwarts Charter. **_

_**Sincerely,**_

_**Mafalda Hopkirk**_

_**Improper Use of Magic**_

_**P.S. Stop any aurors from going to attempt to collect Mr. Potter. They won't survive.**_

_**P.S.S. Get them to tell which personnel authorised this outrage.**_

Amelia Bones reread the letter and then called all aurors into her office. They scrambled in one by one until all were present. "Who, pray tell, was going to attempt to apprehend Mr. Potter?"

Two hands were raised, Podmore and Dawlish. Both were incompetent and she wasn't quite sure how they passed auror training, aside from bribing whoever the trainer was ten years ago. "Good because you aren't going!"

They opened their mouths to protest until they saw her glare, "Further more you will either tell me who authorised your movement or I will use Veritiserum."

"You can't do that," Podmore started with Dawlish nodding his head emphatically, "You'll get sacked!"

"Oh, you will find I can and that I can't be sacked without a seventy five percent vote by the full Wizengamot," Madam Bones smiled, "So talk or I will be forced to use truth potion."

"Narcissa Malfoy," Dawlish said before Podmore hit him.

"Shut up idiot," Podmore yelled at him! "Lady Malfoy will get us fired!"

"Oh, you're now fired for going under the orders of a civilian and for moving to arrest a citizen without proper authorisation," Madam Bones said gleefully, "And now I have the information to go up against a Malfoy. I really should thank her for choosing someone as spineless as you, Dawlish."

Somewhere in Wiltshire a demur lady felt a shiver up her spine. "Dobby, close the window. Its too cold in here." She smirked as the elf popped in.

"Milady, the window be's closed." She turned and saw the windows, closed and fastened with the curtains closed.

"Then cast a mild warming charm on the room. Its far too cold in here."

"Yes Milady." the elf scrambled to do what his Mistress asked of him. "Would you like anything else Milady?" He asked, wanting to be of use so he wouldn't get punished.

"Yes, bring some hot chocolate, that'll warm me up," She said with a small smile on her painted red lips, "And summon Lucius here, we can discuss the fact that Draco has stopped antagonising that Potter Brat. Lucius wanted the Potter Brat to slip up, it won't happen without antagonism."

"Yes Milady." And her will be done.

**Narcissa is our current evil queen, or at least our current cruel ice woman. She also doesn't think sorcerers are all that great, meaning that she doesn't get that she is condemning her family to death... Perhaps she'll wise up before it is too late. Then again she is a Black and most Blacks are insane. **


	22. George Wins Another Kiss

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS  
**

Harry looked up to see the intimidating figure of one Oliver Wood. "Potter, you didn't go to try outs," He said with an evil glint in his eyes.

"I can't play quidditch," Harry said calmly, "It's against the law for a sorcerer to play on an organised sports team." He summoned the lawbook he kept in his feather-lite charmed bag, "Chapter 21 section 2 subsection 4 of The Decree Against Sorcery. 'A sorcerer, being an inferior being, is not allowed to play on an athletic association for fear of imprisonment.' While I reailse it is only a school team, they've been trying to get me to slip up for the last 3 weeks ever since Madam Bones went after Narcissa Malfoy for bribing government officials."

"I see," Oliver said with slight pain in his eyes, the Quidditch cup floating away from his dreams, "Are there any loopholes?"

"None that will allow me to play. Hell even squibs can play if there is no one else," Harry told Oliver, "Maybe when the world is less biggoted?"

"With the people who are in charge right now, that won't happen," He said flatly, his dreams crushed around him like glass shards, painful when touched. "See you around Harry."

"Bye Oliver, I'm sorry," Harry whispered to him as Oliver turned and walked away, "Well, there goes a good, if somewhat creepy, captain."

Up in the aclove George waited for Harry, to attempt to 'make a move' as Hermione called it. As he walked out of the darkness Harry gasped slightly, 'Why can't I stop thinking about that?' He thought in regards to the showers. An image of George fresh in his mind.

"Hey Harry," George said quietly, "Wanna go hang out? We could talk or something."

"Oh, ummm... sure George that would be great." Once again proving a knack for telling them apart. George smiled brightly at the slightly confused younger male.

"Wanna go to a classroom or the library or something?"

"Okay... Why not?" Harry said with a small grin, "What is the worst that could happen?"

"A giant basilisk could actually live somewhere in the castle and look at us," George Deadpanned, "but the likelihood of a basilisk living in the castle is so small that we shouldn't worry about it." He smiled crookedly at the smaller male, imagining various acts of debauchery.

**Elsewhere: In the Chamber of Secrets**

-*That was odd*- a several thousand year old basilisk thought, rousing from its latest dream. -*I could have sssworn that a perssson wasss talking about me*-

Never would it know that one George Weasley had correctly guessed about its existance, for the basilisk, named Aurora for its breathtaking green color, believed that the only one who knew about her was a dead psychopath.

**Elsewhere: End**

George and Harry were talking about pranks in an empty classroom in the charms corridor. "I swear, my color change charm idea would work. Enchant everything in his room to be off color, and Snape would crack," Harry said, "He would never know if his precious potions were done correctly."

"I disagree, making everything levitate two feet above him would make him lose it faster. He'd never have any of his precious ingrediants," George rebuttled, "Anyway I'm sure there is probably a spell to make sure its right."

"Probably," Harry said, "but most magic like that gives off a color to verify it. He'd probably go crazy faster my way, after all if you never know its done right you have to try again."

"Maybe you're right, but you're wrong."

Harry got closer trying to prove his argument, "No, you are."

"You are," George replied getting a little closer.

"No, you are." A little closer.

"You are."

"No, you ar- ."

George pressed his lips to Harry's in the middle of the argument. Harry, his face warming to a slight red, started to lean in a little before his eyes widened and he leaned back, breaking the kiss. Harry looked at George and touched his lips lightly, the second kiss George had gotten from him. He had liked it. Harry turned and ran, leaving behind a slightly shocked George Weasley.

A feeling that something was wrong was all she got seconds before Harry rushed through the portrait into the Gryffindor Common Room. "Harry," she called, "is everything okay." She noticed his face was red, even if he had ran from the Great Hall he shouldn't have been that red.

Harry ran over to Hermione and pulled her to an abandoned corner, "George kissed me," He whispered, "and I liked it." He frowned at the admisson of liking the kiss. Hermione looked at him and knew exactly what was wrong.

"Harry, you're perfectly fine liking the kiss of a bloke," she said, "You're okay." She hugged him fiercely, attempting to give him the comfort he needed. "The Wizarding World and the Muggle World be damned, you're perfect the way you are. From what I've read the Sorcerer's Guild doesn't mind and nor do the more progressive countries like Sweden."

"Really?" He asked quietly, slightly muffled by her bossom.

"Of course. If nothing else we will move to Sweden and live our lives there. I hear they have an excellent magic school there... Moons Bark or something," Hermione said.

"Thanks Hermione," He said with a slight laugh, "Trust you to be worried about your studies."

"You would be too if you hadn't been distressed," Hermione pointed out, "That and your pranks."

"Too true."

"So tell me how did you start kissing George Weasley of all people?" Hermione said smiling.

**So, George kissed Harry, Harry may be experiencing bisexuality and Has not degenerated into a total uke. Thank gods for that, or I would have to shoot myself. I dislike prettyboi! Harrys and Uke! Harrys. He is strong, let him be strong. Enough said right? Anyone with a problem with George kissing Harry please don't bother me with it, I may be tempted to place it up instead of a chapter and feed you to the angry people. Yay vicious thoughts. Anyway see ya later.**


	23. Pissing off Amelia Bones

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS  
**

** "FIREBALL"- **is all that Auror Dawlish hears before being hit and burned by the largest fireball he had ever seen.

_Earlier that day_

A contingent of twenty aurors, in direct violation to the head of the DMLE, Amelia Bones, were ordered to subdue Harry Potter that day for the good of the Wizarding World by Minister Fudge. His under-secretary, an ugly toad-like woman by the name of Umbridge, had nodded along with him the whole time. The aurors nearly quit their jobs before the overly developed toad said in a sickly sweet voice, "If you quit now, it will be treason."

The aurors had known that it would be illegal for them to be sent to Azkaban, but when had that stopped the Ministry of Magic. So, unable to say no, the aurors departed for Hogwarts on the 31st of October. Harry Potter, already sad and angry due to the Anniversary of his parents death, took one look at them and flashed them all to the Quidditch Pitch asking, "Open Season on Aurors this year boys?"

It didn't take them long to realise why they had to look up to see into his eyes. Harry Potter was levitating several feet above the ground. The Aurors blanched at the display of power, "Mr. Potter, by the order of Minister Fudge you are under arrest. You will stop this at once and allow your powers to be bound." The auror didn't look so convinced and flinched as Harry smiled.

"Fudge is bringing a war he can't win to the Wizarding World," was all Harry said before chanting his first spell.

**A barrier,**

**a shield of force,**

**built by the air congealed,**

**FORCE FIELD**

"Now we don't have to hold back, no spell will harm the stands of the stadium until I am dead. You're move," He smiled wickedly, "unless you guys have changed your minds."

A stunner, bright red went towards him, which he dodged, "I guess it's my turn then." The aurors went pale, hoping that his spell wouldn't end their lives.

**RAY FREEZE: VARIATION MULTIPLE**

A flash of light and half the aurors froze in place, unable to move or speak. Incapable of spell casting, they were useless to the other aurors.

"Do you still wanna fig-," He dodged three stunning spells and sent back a fireball at the closest two. It connected leaving them with bruises from impact and burns from the heat, "Honestly, you guys are so pathetic."

"What did you say Potter?" an auror, Podmore, asked, angered by how easy the child was defeating them, "Come down here and face me like a man!"

Harry grinned and waved a hand in front of him, causing a sword to appear. "A man you say. Take this!" With that Harry moved through the air and swung a sword at the now frightened auror. A tell-tale green light left the man's wand causing harry to block it with his blade.

"What are you doing? You'd actually kill a child?" Was an uproar from several of the unfrozen aurors, the rest were fearing for their jobs, and possibly their freedoms. Dawlish and Podmore may have been saved by Fudge from losing their jobs earlier, but now it'd be impossible. Harry, angered, flashed Podmore directly in the middle of Diagon Alley, without his clothes. The assembled aurors saw his clothes and looked at the boy floating an inch above the ground. "Where is he?" One auror asked, "Is he dead?"

"Diagon Alley, no clothes. Want to continue, knowing that could be your fate?" Harry glared at the aurors, successfully dodging one stunner, "This one stays then."

The Auror, Dawlish, looked around to find himself alone in the stadium with Harry.

_Back_

"I give up," a burned and battered Dawlish said, "I will never attack you again." Dawlish started hyperventilating, "You win!"

Harry smirked and flashed him to Diagon Alley, where Amelia was waiting for him. After having the other aurors report to her of the order from Fudge she had waited for the last auror in the contingent, at least his body if what the aurors were saying was true. With a flash she saw a very naked and battered Dawlish sitting on the street in Diagon Alley. With pink hair.

"He could have killed you all in seconds," she told him after conjuring a robe for him, "but he let you live. Don't try it again, or I will have you in Azkaban for attacking a dignitary from a foreign magical government." She smirked, "Too bad you got Fudge to overturn my wishes in firing you. After all, you wouldn't have had to fight Harry today if you hadn't."

"He's breaking the law," Dawlish mumbled, "it's our job to bring him in."

"You're an idiot. He is a sorcerer, they have their own government which he is a big part of currently. Now I cast a charm on your hair, you will never be able to cut it or turn it back. You're one of the lucky ones, the rest had my punishments to deal with. You have Harry's."

Dawlish shivered at the thought of Amelia Bones' famous punishment. "They are still alive right? Right boss?" She was walking away cackling and all he could do was stare and hope he never faced Amelia Bones in a duel or combat, she was just to frightening.

_Back at Hogwarts_

Hermione looked at Harry who had been gone for twenty minutes. "Did you kill them?" She asked. Harry shook his head. "What did you do?"

"Thrashed them and flashed them to Diagon Alley in the nude," Harry said grinning, "But I turned Dawlish's hair pink."

"You went too easy on them," Ron piped up, "Should have made them never able to wear clothes for more then an hour at a time."

"I didn't want to punish everyone else," Harry replied, which cause Hermione to laugh.

"Good for you," Fred and George said in unison, "But it might have made Fudge reconsider trying this again." They both hugged him.

"Stay safe okay," Fred said, "Don't do something stupid."

"Yeah, if you die on us we'll find a way to bring you back-"

"-so that we can kill you again for worrying us."

"Okay," Harry said with a slight smile, "Thanks guys."

**Okay, so Amelia's Punishment Omake *****

"You went against my direct orders?_" _Amelia Bones, Director of the DMLE, asked retorically.

"Yes Madam Bones," said one of her victims- er... aurors, who just happened to be strapped to a moving board which was identical to the others.

"Good, now I'm going to practice my stinging hexes," she flung one.

"OH GOD NO!" was heard throughout the DMLE for ten minutes as Madam bones flung stinging hexes at her victims who were tied on a row of practice boards in the auror training room.

"DON'T DARE GO AFTER A FOREIGN DIGNITARY AGAIN OR SO HELP ME I WILL FLING YOU ALL THROUGH THE VEIL!"

**Madam Bones is kinda scary... Anyway that's what happens when you make Madam Bones mad. You get used as a practice tool. **


	24. Delusions of Sanity

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

**Dream Sequence:**

**A Frightening woman with pink hair and green eyes was angry with him, he didn't know why. It had only been a harmless prank and she wanted to strangle him. **

** "LINA!" the red headed ogress said, "CHANGE MY HAIR BACK! PINK ISN'T MY COLOR!"**

** "Only if you don't kill me Luna," he said over his shoulder, "If you kill me then I won't."**

** "You will be lucky if I don't massacre you and mum for teaching you this spell! If I didn't know any better I would think that she had encouraged this!" Luna yelled at him, making him laugh. Mum had encouraged it, and helped plan for when Luna would be indisposed. Neither had truly thought she'd run out of the shower and through the town in a towel, a fuzzy pink towel at that. **

** "Catch me if you can Luna! I'm starting an adventure today. The Sorcerer's Guilds tests were so easy to pass."**

**End Sequence**

Harry woke up on November 26th with a small gasp. The pink haired demoness from his dreams was frightening, yet so familiar. She had called him some weird name too, L something. Harry sighed and got up, it was more than he usually remembered about his dreams. 'It's five in the morning, I'm going to go shower before Fred and George get there.'

He moved quickly through the pre-dawn light, gathering his clothes from his trunk. He then dashed to the showers, intent on not seeing George or Fred nude. 'Yes, no one else is here!' he cried in his mind, 'I can wash up!' Fred and George had beaten him to the Showers every day for two weeks. He had used scourgify on himself so many times he was missing the feel of a good shower. Harry stripped his clothes quickly and turned on the shower, safe in the knowledge that he wouldn't see them.

"Hey Harry!"

Harry jumped and turned around to see a very nude Seamus Finnegan, "You scared the life out of me Seamus!" He smiled to show he was teasing, "What do you want?"

"I want to know why Fred and George are spying on you over there," Seamus said pointing to the entrance where indeed the twins were watching, mouths gaping as thought attempting to breathe but finding the air too thin, "They aren't really doing a good job of spying though, out in the open like that."

Harry just sighed and pointed at them, "if you're here then get in a shower or leave." They moved quickly, disrobing as they got into the room causing the two pre-teens to blush crimson. A familiar feeling invaded Harry's stomach, like butterflies over a field of roses. 'Please let them never know!' He pleaded to the world.

Harry looked to Seamus to see Seamus staring at him, or more specifically at his mid section. "I can see why George likes you so much, but Fred could have Jordan in an instant. I mean everyone can see how much Lee likes him."

"What are you talking about?" Harry asked, confusion written on his face in detail, "Fred and George just like to tease, they don't like me like that."

"Poor Harry, Poor Oblivious Harry," Seamus said with a small smirk, "HEY! Fred, George come over here."

The two walked over to the other two nude boys. Seamus smirked and quickly kissed Harry only to be separated by Fred and George. Fred held Seamus to the wall, shaking in anger. George was holding Harry close, glaring at Seamus. Seamus just smirked even wider, "Told you."

Harry's eyes were wide open, in many ways. "Fred and George actually like me," he said out loud, "and now Seamus stole a kiss from me." He narrowed his eyes at that one, "You could have asked first," he pouted.

Fred and George looked at Harry and started laughing, he was too cute. "Can I kiss you?" Fred asked causing Harry to blush beyond crimson. Fred smiled, leaning in before he was pushed away by George.

"He didn't say yes," George growled at his twin, being so close to Harry having an effect he didn't want either Fred or Seamus to see. Harry, feeling it, flushed and flashed out of George's arms into the common room. His breathing erratic, thinking, 'HOLY LORD OF NIGHTMARES!' He flashed the water droplets off of him and onto George after making sure they were ice cold. He flashed on his clothes, a jumper and his underwear, a black pair of slacks, black socks, black shoes and his robe.

"HOLY FUCK!" was heard throughout the tower as well as laughing. Harry decided to write his aunt about this particular occurrence.

_Dear Aunt Petunia, _he started, _I just flashed out of the arms of an older man. Before you think anything, I was taking a shower. That sounds even worse, okay so I was showering, and then I got kissed by my classmate. My classmate was trying to prove that two others would get jealous, which is how I ended up in the arms of the older man. Ummm... his twin attempted to kiss me and then I felt the older man's thing! So I flashed out of the shower into my dorm and flashed all the water onto him, that was mostly accidental..._

_Sincerely,_

_Harry James Potter_

Finishing with his flourished signature he smiled at the letter. She would definitely know what to do. He called for Hedwig, who came rushing through the window of the dorm. "Hey girl," He said happily, "can you take this to Aunt Petunia for me."

She looked at him as though to say, "How can you even doubt me" and hooted. He smiled and tied the note to her leg.

"I'm going to get owl treats during Christmas Break," He told her as a bribe. She had found where he hid the treats days ago and tore into them, causing her to have a horrid stomach ache for two days. She hooted in her happiness at the prospect of new treats however. Apparently food is good even when it hurts. He smiled at her and said, "off you go girl, safe trip." It took him two minutes after she left to realise he could have already had his reply by now if he had flashed it off, 'OH well,' He thought, 'Its not like she'll do something rash.'

**Okay, so he is either severally delusional or is simply hoping for the best. Rash is in her nature. She might even make demands. I had to put the eye opening scene for Harry, who is probably now going slightly crazy anyway. See Ya Soon! Also this was about as graphic a nude scene as its getting. **


	25. The Dastardly Petunia

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Petunia Dursley thought herself a fair sorceress, in most ways. Beautiful, young, powerful, yet also compassionate, protective and slightly ruthless she took care of her family in anyway they needed. Dudders, who was behind in magical studies due to the bigotry of the English was in France, she'd seen to his placement in Beauxbatons. Harry was another story, though, as she couldn't begin to formulate a reply to his problems. 'He shouldn't even have to deal with this yet,' was her prominent thought pattern as she thought of the letter she had received an hour ago. She scowled as she remembered the twin boys passed out on the floor at Molly's house, for to call it Arthur's would be an insult to the running of the household.

'Looks like Molly and I will have things to discuss other than the incompetence of the Ministry of Magic tonight,' she thought as she wrote Molly a short note asking for permission to flash into her house later, as the Ministry of Magic will not allow Sorcerers to access the Floo Network. She flashed the letter to Molly's kitchen, where Molly would usually be found studying household spells and charms to make things easier raising 5 children for at least a year longer, thank goodness Petunia gave her that book. Her reply was back in an hour with Errol, the Weasley family owl. He was an old, beat up owl with feathers falling out with every flap. Petunia was sure that magic was the only reason the animal was still alive.

_Dear Petunia,_

_ Of course you can flash in around lunch, we can go to the Leaky Cauldron. I have some things to buy in Diagon Alley and would feel safer with someone accompanying me anyway. And some books to sell to the second hand shop. I swear Gilderoy Lockhart is cute, but a dunce. Not one of his so called 'spells' worked at all, except for PeskiPiski Pesternomi, which simply started the food in the kitchen to making a Pastrami Sandwich. _

_Rant more later,_

_Molly Weasley_

'Well, at least she wasn't fooled by Lockhart. Wonder what he is doing now? Besides trying to check his appearance in the mirror,' She thought vindictively as she summoned an air spirit.

"Spirit, I want you to go make Gilderoy Lockhart believe he is losing his mind," she told the diminutive servant, "Don't kill him, just move things randomly. No wizard knows Elemental Spirit Summoning any more so this should be fun." With that she went off to take a shower, it wouldn't do to have a stench upon ones self while shopping.

Harry was at breakfast when George caught him, very literally. "ICE WATER! Really Harry?"

"It got rid of your problem, didn't it?" He asked blushing but maintaining eye contact with the red headed prankster, "You could thank me that I didn't flash you into the middle of Diagon Alley."

George looked at Harry with a grin and started laughing, "That would have been bloody hilarious, until dad and mum asked why." George's eyes twinkled with mirth and his lips stretched into a smile. Harry couldn't help the infectious laughter and joined in, giggling at the thought of a nude George trying to prevent himself from being cursed by over zealous witches.

George, realising how close they were in the position he had put them in, blushed and released him, but not in time to avoid, "OH, so Potter's a poofter!" from Draco Malfoy.

"Who cares who I like," Harry said, "I could easily destroy the school, you shouldn't annoy me." Draco blanched and quickly recovered.

"Mother says that Sorcerers are charlatans and can't use actual magic, I bet you can't do anything of the... Why are you chanting?" Draco asked the stupidest question he could before being encased in ice.

"Mr. Potter," Snape started, "could you please release the spell around the imbecile? He obviously doesn't know anything about sorcery."

"Yes professor," Harry replied as the ice disappeared with a flash of flames which charred the food, but surprisingly not the tables. Harry looked closer to see a spell resistant layer surrounding the table.

"Thank you Mr. Potter," Snape said quietly, sneering at his godson for his sheer stupidity. Familiar with a sorcerers powers he knew exactly what not to do to survive around one, including not taking away points for no reason.

At noon Petunia flashed to an alley near the Leaky Cauldron and walking into the dingy pub filled with drunk and disorderly wizards. Petunia waited near the Floo Connection for Molly for two minutes before the slightly pudgy witch, who was slimming down do to her free time practising spells, walked out of the Floo gracefully.

"Molly, I'm so glad I didn't make you wait here," Petunia said smiling, "Already two people have been making eyes at me."

Molly looked Petunia over, "I can't really blame them, dear," was all she said. She purposefully caused the bar to overhear, no one recognising Molly without her apron and extra weight. The two men staring at the black attired woman sighed in defeat thinking 'the good ones are always lesbians.'

Petunia glanced at Molly before saying, "You need new clothes. The reducing charms won't last forever." She smiled at Molly, "I'm taking you on a shopping spree. We sorceresses tend to have the most money anyway as we come from ancient lines and Gringotts wants to keep our business as we live for hundreds of years naturally. That and we can blow them up with a thought."

"But Petunia, I don't want you to go through the trouble for me," Molly stated, pouting at her friend.

"I can also blow up the Burrow and reconstruct it into a castle," Petunia said offhandedly, mentally smirking at her deviousness.

"Yes Petunia," Molly said nervously, "Lets go shopping. Clothes sound wonderful." She smiled weakly thinking of the money it would take to make a castle. "No castle necessary."

"Oh good then, I'll just update the wards on the Burrow before I leave after the trip."

"Yes Petunia."

"I'm glad you finally figured it out. Just nod you're head and let me do what I want. It takes so long to get men to figure it out. Aren't you glad you did early?"

"Yes Petunia."

The women in the Leaky Cauldron started laughing at that, while the men looked fearfully at the sorceress, naturally afraid of any woman with more power then them because it is the Wizarding World. They thought men should have all the power and women should have nothing. One tried to apparate to the Ministry silently before realising he couldn't. Petunia had already placed wards to prevent it and more to prevent the fact she is a sorceress to leave the Leaky Cauldron. She smiled deviously as she felt the apparition attempt.

"Let's go Molly. Time for shopping."

**So Petunia is domineering, who could have guessed. She is kinda like Naga, but also kinda herself. She likes status symbols like her robes and her magical items, but she also likes her friends to have the best of the best so she made sure that Molly would lose weight without doing anything but giving her a book with high energy spells in it which cause Molly to burn several hundred extra calories without realising it which cause her to need new clothes. Petunia, being a sorceress, is a billionaire. She, in her past, had raided camps of bandits from several parallel worlds (the fey made several parallel worlds which actually caused many discrepancies which will be described later.) She doesn't really need the money so she just spends it, though she earns enough in interest to remake everything she spends rather quickly. **


	26. Pranks on the Way Home

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

George Weasley was sitting down at the Gryffindor table grinning. It was December 15th, the day everyone left for home and Harry's aunt had given permission for Harry to flash home after spending a day at the Dursley's turned Evans's. He thought he had been in deep trouble when he found out Harry had written his aunt about the shower but upon receiving the expected letter he found his mother and Harry's aunt, while not happy about what happened, didn't send a howler. It was a warning, touch him without permission and lose something important. He blanched at the thought of the important 'thing'. 'It might be worth it though,' George thought grinning again, 'Harry initiated our first kiss anyway, so at least I know I'm not too utterly repulsive to him.'

"George," his twin called, "You're going to be late for the train if you don't go up and get your trunk and get down here." George looked at his watch, an enchanted heirloom which would detect poison, and saw Fred was right.

"Shit," he said, "I'm going to be..." He was cut off as someone grabbed him from behind, the flash of light coming after made him relax, it was only Harry.

"Got you," Harry teased as George recognised his Dorm Room, "You are so lucky you and George brought me up here to hang out earlier in the year, otherwise we'd be in the common room scaring kids."

"You're still scaring me," Lee Jordan pointed out from the bed, causing the two to jump, "But if you could flash me down Harry I would be grateful."

"Sure," Harry said, and with a mumbled spell sent Lee next to Fred, who was fuming about Harry helping George.

'With any luck they'll fall in love and I'll have Fred to myself,' Lee thought deviously, not realising he had a purple tail and cat ears. He didn't even think about how Harry felt at the moment. 'Maybe I can get Hermione to help?' He had a small feeling of guilt pass through him before he tried to squash it down, which only made him feel guiltier.

"Lee," Fred started, "are you okay, kitty? You seem a bit sad." Fred was staring at the ears and tail with slight amusement, wondering how George had done it.

"O-oh, yeah... I'm just fine," the lack of Happiness in Lee's voice caused Fred to think. Fred thinking caused Fred to error in judgement.

'He must be in love with George and seeing Harry and George together must have really hurt,' he thought erroneously, 'I'll have to try to win Harry even more now, to make Lee happy.' He started planning quickly, it would have to be done during the holiday, as a special gift to Lee and himself. He went back to looking at the tail and ears amusedly.

Hermione walked with the other two, looking at them both and thought, 'How can Fred be so oblivious? How the heck doesn't Lee notice the new appendages?' She sighed in exasperation, 'Maybe Ron can help me?' Seeing Ron and running to him she told him her plan, "Let's get Lee and Fred together."

Harry looked at the time and, while they were walking down the staircase, grabbed George and flashed them both to Hermione. "Hey Ron, Hermione, where are Fred and Kitty?"

"They're two compartments down Harry, and the tail and ears were a bit much," Ron said chuckling.

"You're the one who gave Lee the ears and tail!" Hermione said, "I thought it was George."

"Oh, no. It was me," Harry smiled innocently, "Hey George, can you go sit next to Fred and Kitty."

"Sure Harry," George said slightly glumly, "can we visit you guys later?"

"Of course George," Harry said kindly, "I just need to talk to them quickly," he gave George a hug, "Thank you."

"No problem," George said with more enthusiasm and he ran to find Fred and Lee.

"That was pure Slytherin, mate," Ronald said smirking. He didn't notice his hair turn green and silver, but Hermione did and quickly schooled her features.

"You shouldn't play with his heart Harry," Hermione pointed out, "I do applaud the use of your resources for that though." She smirked, her plan would work well if George and Harry were together. Her front teeth shrunk as Harry also turned her hair pink, Ron started chuckling. Harry sat their with an innocent expression.

"I didn't mean to play with his heart," he said, "but if I feel him against me like _that_ again, I get curious about it and that isn't something I need to do. It would do worse than play with his heart, it would play with his hormones as well." He frowned slightly, "I'm definitely not ready for anything like that. I'm not even sure I'm ready to be kissed."

"Wait. What do you mean like _that _AGAIN?" Hermione asked, eyes widened as she thought of the implications.

"Oh Harry," Ron said, "Don't worry George will make an honest man of you." He started snickering, until he noticed Harry wasn't laughing, "You guys didn't go all the way, did you?"

Harry looked scandalised, his eyes wide and his mouth gaped, at his best friends, "Bloody Hell! I haven't done more than kiss him!" He flushed, thinking about how doing more would be possible and finding himself stumped for the answer.

"Harry," Hermione said, "you don't have to be shy, but wait at least a year before doing anything more than kissing, okay?"

Harry glared at her playfully, "I know that if you were accused of doing that with Ron you'd hex the person."

She returned his playful glare with a mock lecherous grin, "I really don't know," she said.

They all cracked up. Ron was red in the face with laughter, Hermione was having problems breathing and Harry found breath a hard undertaking as well. A knock on the door and they attempted to sober themselves while Ron yelled, "Come in." Colin Creevey walked through the compartment door.

"Hi, I'm Colin Creevey and you're my idol Harry. I'm sorry... Ummm that is to say... I'm gay and I heard you were too, on top of having defeated You-Know-Who and I wanted to know... you know... How you were dealing with it because in the Muggle World it isn't okay but here it is and we both live in both so how do you deal with it? My dad tried to hit me when I told him a day before Hogwarts," a pale sandy blonde headed first year was stammering in the doorway at Harry.

"Wow... ummm... I'm not sure if I am gay, or if I just like George's kisses... but... "Harry reached into his cloak and pulled out a ruby red stone that pulsed with an odd magical light, "This is a protective amulet for dealing with your dad. It will stop you from getting hurt. I made it myself." He smiled at the other wizard.

Colin looked disbelieving at being handed a present by his idol, even if one that was for protection, "Thank you, Harry, I'll treasure it always. George is a lucky man."

"Want to sit here?" Harry asked the younger boy with a sad smile, which was mirrored by the other two.

"No thank you," He said politely, "I promised my friend Ginny that I'd sit with her. She wanted help with charms and I think with potions as well. Snape leaves me well enough alone, but for some reason he won't leave her alone." He stopped and stared at the other two before leaving.

Harry smiled, "Have fun," and Colin left to find Ginny Weasley. The train started moving then, starting slowly from the station and moving swiftly as time went on.

"Harry, why did he stare at me? I can understand Ron, but me?" Hermione asked.

"Wait, how can you understand me, I don't have pink hair," Ron said, quickly slapping his mouth shut with a hand.

"PINK HAIR! I hate the colour pink! Harry turn it back!"

"Fine," Harry said with a smirk, "I can't believe you didn't tell Ron about his Slytherin Do."

"Wait, my hair looks like Slytherin?" Ron asked, looking at the nearest reflective surface, "Turn it back Harry, or at least turn it Red and gold." His calm demand resulted in straight red and gold hair, moving far past his waist.

"Who knew cosmetic charms were so fun." Harry dead-panned.

Harry after asking Ron and Hermione, flashed a note to Lee, Fred, and George that they could come over. Within seconds, Fred, George, and Lee stepped into the compartment, Fred and George looking straight at Harry who was playing Exploding Snap.

"Harry," Fred began, "can I give you a kiss?"

Harry looked up before quickly throwing down the card onto the conjured table. "Ummmmm... sure..." Harry said weakly, embarrassed by the question but curious. Fred grinned, and swooped down, kissing Harry lightly.

"Is it as good as George's?" Hermione asked, secretly livid that Fred, even though unknowingly, would be so crass as to hurt Lee. She was beyond words with Harry, who she knew, knew about Lee's feelings.

"Not saying, but Fred... Kiss Lee and see which you prefer," Harry said, placing a slight amount of magic in the words. Fred stood up and kissed Lee who reciprocated. "It's Lee right? You two should date."

Fred was blushing red, his trousers showing evidence of his feelings, 'Why did I kiss Lee?' running through his mind.

** Harry is devious like a Slytherin when it suits him. He also used it to make sure Lee stopped hurting, meaning that he really does care. Anyone who doesn't like all the Male/Male kissing, there was FemSlash last chapter if you squint. The story in itself is going to get political during the Holiday which is why I cut to the beginning of it, honestly the romance may be slightly funny, but I want the action next time. **


	27. Deloris the Orc

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS  
_**

Petunia Evans, as the divorce from Vernon had been made official earlier that week, had one more thing to do before Christmas. She would ensure that no death eaters were within the Ministry of Magic. That is what brought her to be bunkered down in the Ministry building under at least 5 invisibility spells, one woven on top, and sometimes through, the other to make sure no one could see her through any means. She had forgotten one thing; however, Her nephew had already fought several of the Aurors. These Aurors, upon her entering the building, had the sudden urge to run, especially one with pink hair who only kept it together because he didn't want to be the one to face Amelia Bones's wrath.

"Madam Bones," came the sickly sweet voice of Deloris Umbridge, "are you around?" She looked around and smirked, "Planting evidence will be a lot easier if you aren't."

A grotesque figure walked past Petunia's hiding place and she instantly knew who this was, the toad human hybrid her nephew had described. Petunia smirked viciously, 'call my nephew a dark creature will you?' she thought as she started crafting her spell, 'take the appearance of an orc!'

Though not much change occurred, the now more beautiful Deloris Umbridge left the office. Her skin slightly green, her hair non-existent, and her teeth less tusk-like the people seeing her nearly didn't recognise her. Once they did, they tried to stun the still grotesque Umbridge. Succeeding, a young man nearest the floo called the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures to pick up Umbridge. "Looks like the rumour she is half-goblin is right ma'am. She isn't even registered! Its an outrage," he told them, "Working along side humans like she deserves to live well."

Petunia giggled silently, 'pure-bloods are so stupid. They don't even know what an orc is,' she thought, nearly mentally sneering. 'Looks like they also believe everything they see, or they don't like the woman.' Petunia, longed to test the theory but instead consoled herself that Deloris Umbridge will at least get sacked, if not executed.

Petunia went back to her main role and started heading to the Minister's office, where she would cast the spell that would transport all the death eaters with marks to a holding cell in the Sorcerer's Guild across from Dumbledore. They would arrive there nude though, she was taking a leaf from her nephews book. She had plans for them all, wouldn't do to harm the merchandise. Her evil laugh was all that could be heard in the minds of several officials that day, officials who were taken to holding cells.

Fred was having a difficult time in the Burrow. He had kissed Lee Jordan on the train, and more over he'd liked it a lot. Lee had smooth, large lips and a head that fit in his shoulder. Harry, though, was the person he had been pursuing for four months. Harry was the one that told him to date Lee, but he didn't know if he could give Harry up.

"Dinner!" Molly was heard throughout the Burrow, even to a tree where Harry sat with George a small smile on his lips. George helped Harry up with a smile and the two walked into the Weasley kitchen, having just discussed the use of colour charms in a prank in detail, including the time when the twins had turned Ron Maroon for two days 'accidentally'.

'I think I could grow fond of him,' Harry thought sadly, thinking of the train ride there. Hermione was fluctuating between pride in Harry's tactics and disapproval of the fact he had kissed Fred. It was all for Lee, though, and Hermione would forgive eventually. She was going to France later but her parents were staying until dinner so they could meet a 'real wizarding family'.

"Do you think Mr. and Mrs. Granger would have allowed Hermione back if they'd gone to my house for dinner?" Harry asked George smiling.

"I think eventually, yes. First though, they'd be too afraid of your aunt to think."

Hermione was walking with Ron Weasley, smiling at her friends. "George and Harry were made for each other," Hermione told Ron, "well, either that or Harry and someone we don't know."

"Yeah, they do get along well," Ron said smiling. He reach out tentatively to hold his girlfriends hand.

She smiled and grasped his, thinking his shyness was cute. 'Someday he'll grab your hand,' she told herself, 'and while this may not be a forever, you'll be happy for the right now.' She knew the likelihood that this was forever was extremely small. If either of them found their soul-mates they'd be pulled to them like a moth to a flame. It would be fate.

"Ron," Hermione said, "even if it's unlikely this is forever, this will always be my favourite year."

"Mine too Hermione," Ron said, "Mine too."

Dudley Evans was leaving for home today. He had changed his name to match his mother's that week and was leaving France. He had learned French with surprising ease, learning that most magicals had a gifts called Tongues. Some said it was passed down from Fey ancestors. France was an amazing place and Dudley had learned quite a lot about the history of the country. Apparently it was once a main habitat for Veela, a fey-like creature that had a power to make you completely crazy. While Beauxbatons had many Part-Veela, who admitted that Veela blood breeds true, either you are or you aren't. He had met a beautiful young lady named Fleur Delacour, who was a fifth year. They'd become study partners, and though Fleur didn't like him like that they had become nearly best friends in such a short time. He wore protective amulets that apparently protected him from her Allure.

"Fleur," Dudley called out, "See you after Christmas. I'll bring you an amulet to suppress your Allure." She wanted a smart conversationalist, it was hard when everyone drooled over you.

"Thank you Duds," she called back, only she was allowed to call him that. He was the younger brother she didn't have, couldn't have to be honest.

And with that Dudley Evans's portkey dropped him at his house in the kitchen where his mum sat, smiling, "Hello Dudders. Good to have you home." She got up quickly, crossing the space and hugged him.

"Hey mum. I'm glad to see you."

"How was France?"

"France is a wonderful country, though I now have a healthy dose of hatred for perfume."

A flash signalled the arrival of Harry, his cousin. "Hey Aunt Petunia, hello Dudley."

"Merry Christmas Harry!"

**I didn't forget about Dudley, who is shaping up to be a Heterosexual. At least I think so so far, who knows the story has its own life. Review if you want to say something. Have fun.**


	28. The Castration of Augustus Rookwood

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS  
_**

Harry Potter woke up on December 24th to the sound of magic being worked. Smiling Harry walked downstairs in his green pyjama pants, taking time to feel the world around him. Dudley was waking in his bed and his aunt was downstairs making yet another defensive ward for the house.

"Aunt Petunia, don't you think the house is well enough protected? I doubt a Dragon Slave could destroy it," he teased his aunt who only smiled as she continued to work the spell into the walls. Wards preventing unauthorised entry were wrapped around the house like a thick blanket, tied together with spells to prevent damage to the house and to repulse magical attacks. Spells preventing Albus Dumbledore and Vernon Dursley were a dime a dozen, wrapped so tightly that air wouldn't get through them. All together the house couldn't be destroyed. Charms preventing fire damage, water damage, tornadoes, and even blizzards were wrapped around the whole block, making for a very protected neighbourhood.

"You can say that again after I tell you what my listening spells have found out," she told the green-eyed child, handing him a parchment filled with a conversation.

Reading it he grimaced, "so the Department of Mysteries is going to attempt to crack the wards. I don't envy them, sorcerer's wards can't be cracked by simple wizardry." He smirked at his aunt, "can I put up a few wards?"

"After I'm done, and only if you don't harm my wards integrity with pranks," was the reply. Hearing the dismissal in her voice Harry went to the kitchen to cook as it was something he enjoyed doing. He got out bacon, eggs, and bread and started making breakfast. He fried the bacon and scrambled the eggs while toasting the bread in the toaster. Smiling at his work he quickly set the table for three and called Dudley down to the kitchen. He got a surprise to see Dudley had slimmed down a few inches.

"Wow Dud. You look a lot healthier."

"My friend Fleur got me to start looking at my health, apparently being the only male who doesn't drool has perks," he smirked at Harry, "Then again I hear you wouldn't drool because you like some guy named... Gred?"

Harry burst out with laughter, "Gred? Seriously. Gred?"

Dudley started laughing too, his body shaking slightly. Smiling Harry poured Dudley orange juice after filling the plates. After pouring himself lemonade he went to see if Petunia had finished shaping her latest ward and was surprised by what he saw, a large defensive warding spell flowing through the walls and a very tired looking Petunia walking towards him.

"Oh, good, you made breakfast," Petunia mumbled, "I'll just eat now... after I down a pepper-up." She stumbled her way into her potions cupboard and snagged a pepper-up, quickly popping the top. She guzzled the potion down and immediately looked better. "Thank you for breakfast Harry."

"You're welcome... did you over do the warding spell. I saw the runes flowing through the walls without magical aid," He said, concern evident in his voice, "You need to be careful, you've been using a lot of power lately."

"I'll be fine Harry, now what's this I hear about young George Weasley and a shower? Or the kissing, and hugging," her abrupt subject change bringing a flush to her nephews cheeks.

"What did I hear about an orc named Umbridge?" He countered.

"Touché."

"I could have also said Molly and a sorceress in a bar but..." He started.

"I get it," Petunia dead-panned, "I will attempt to be more discreet with public flirtation with married witches." A smile across her face made him doubt it.

"So you admit it was flirtation," he teased.

"I admit nothing of the sort," she said in a mock haughty tone.

"Mum, Harry, food is getting cold," Dudley called, making them both rush into the kitchen.

Sitting down to a family breakfast, Harry noted, was a nice occurrence. The enchanted objects around the room sparkling with magic, the nice food, and the good company was all that it took to complete the atmosphere of a calm environment. Were it not for the fact that defences were on high, it would almost be a normal day.

_**Unspeakable P.O.V**_

Unspeakable Gareth Naxen hated what he was ordered to do. The fact he would probably be arrested by Amelia Bones later made his day even worse. Having been ordered to apprehend Harry Potter and Petunia Dursley on the basis of being Sorcerer and Sorceress. They had also been ordered to take and snap one Dudley Dursley's wand to prevent his learning of Wizardry. Knowing this, he had sent a note to Amelia telling her everything before going on with his orders. The other unspeakables present, barring Rookwood, agreed with his efforts.

"I'm telling you they don't deserve magic," Rookwood was starting up yet again, having somehow removed the silencing curse.

"Perhaps you would like an explosive castration curse sent to you instead of the silencer," Gareth said, quickly shutting up the former death eater. He sighed, 'the moment we started accepting former death eaters is the moment we went down hill.'

"Can I do the curse?" asked a young male of Veela decent, Rookwood had been harassing him ever since finding out, never mind that he didn't have any Veela magic just the appearance. He wanted revenge on the cruel man.

"You little halfbreed!" Yelled the now irate death eater, "You little shit should remember who your..." A scream of pain came up from the male who was now lying on the floor bleeding out from his testicles.

"I am not healing him," was all Gareth said as he lowered his wand, "anyone else can if they want to."

A chorus of no resounded. They all smiled before looking at the house in front of them. They could see the defensive magic and grimaced, Fudge wouldn't like what they reported back to them.

"We could try removing the wards?" A lady by the name of Amali nearly asked. She was a small lady, five foot five with white blonde hair reaching past her waist. At 23 she was a powerful witch who specialised in warding and their invention. "Wait," she said, "no we can't, we'd be eviscerated." They cringed.

"We really can't blame them for that can we?" Gareth asked rhetorically, "He just sent assassins to attempt to capture them." No one asked who he was, Fudge wasn't a good name in the Department of Mysteries. "All we can do is hope to find a way around them." They looked at the warding structure, seeing no loophole large enough to manipulate, completely unaware of the sorceress watching them.

At that moment several aurors and Amelia Bones popped into existence, "I really hope you didn't do anything too stupid Gareth, even though you sent that note to us if you even touched one of them I'll have you in a cell in Azkaban sooner than you can blink."

"We just got to the wards an hour ago, we can't get past them. Rookwood is a few streets away bleeding out under a muggle repelling charm," Gareth said flippantly, "and who knows how that happened."

"Oh dear," Amelia said sarcastically, "Whatever will we do, a death eater dying."

"Indeed," Gareth smirked, "One less bigot. What shall we do?"

"He is officially killed by a muggle. Fitting," Amelia said, "A shot from a muggle gun would work, right?"

"Explosive Castration, so yes," answered the Veela descended male.

"Good one," pipped an auror, Shacklebolt by name.

"I would have liked to see that one," said the infamous Mad-Eye Moody. Everyone laughed, knowing Mad-Eye took the release of 'imperioused' death eaters personally.

**It took a while longer this time, probably because of the fact that I was doing homework this morning. College classes are hard to accomplish. Have Fun and Review.**


	29. The Trial of Sirius Black

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Cornelius Oswald Fudge, Order of Merlin First Class, Minister for Magic, was having a horrible day. He was threatened by Amelia Bones with incarceration, Rookwood was killed by a muggle fireleg, and the world was going to trash. It would have been better if he could have gotten a time-turner and warned himself what would happen, but the Department of Mysteries wouldn't give him one. They told him that the time-turners were destroyed in a fiery accident that happened because no one was there to stop it. He sighed, 'life just keeps getting worse.'

Petunia Evans was a fair sorceress, if she did say so herself, which is why she only put dung bombs in Cornelius's office. They'd be going off any second now and she was sitting by her scrying bowl watching. "Harry, hurry up with the popcorn," she yelled not wanting to miss this historic moment. No one had ever pranked the Minister's office before, and while she may be the first, she'd not be the last. The trap triggered as a still green Deloris Umbridge walked in the room to demand better pay. Magical Creatures working for the Ministry apparently got paid a tenth of the cost of living.

"Cornelius," a sweet voice called as it was barging in the office, "My pay dropped 90% and I want to know why!" At that moment, Deloris Umbridge and Cornelius Fudge were bombarded with Dung Bombs. Covered in the foul smelling substance creating them Deloris raged, hating her new life as a Creature. She was still combing through the genealogy to see where the Creature genes came from, and why it wasn't revealed upon her magical majority.

"I HATE THE WORLD!" Yelled Deloris, crying her injustice, "All I wanted was to destroy magical creature rights and now I am one and I don't get paid worth the manure I create!" Enlightenment crashed upon her mind, perhaps she should have treated Creatures better. Her tears drying she looked up in awe and vowed: 'From this day forward, I will work to undo all the pain and suffering I caused!' She didn't even notice the Minister coughing up a storm as she skipped out of the office, determined to do nice things.

'What the Fuck Just Happened?' Arthur Weasley thought as he went to make a report to the Minister, 'Did Deloris and the Minister get into a Dung Bomb War?'

Petunia Evans and Harry Potter were staring at the bowl, "Did you see what I just saw?" Petunia asked Harry, slightly frightened at the possibility that she was delusional.

"No, I don't think I did. I saw Deloris Umbridge skipping," Harry said, quietly hoping he was crazy.

"We saw the same thing then," Petunia replied, frightened at the possibility. Did she actually help Deloris by making her appear as an orc? Was it possible that she learned the errors of her ways? Could Deloris 'Toad' Umbridge possibly change? It was unreal, and as all unreal things Petunia decided to ignore it before she got a headache. Harry, taking Petunia's stance, quickly walked into the kitchen and conjured cups before waving the wine over and filling the glasses. Handing one to Petunia he gulped the other down.

"Thank the gods that Dudley is in France today with Fleur Delacour," Petunia said as she downed the cup, "Otherwise we'd need three of these."

"Agreed," Harry intoned, "I don't quite understand what we saw... but I think it was impossible." He looked ill, "I didn't even know she could skip, or knew how to appear generally pleasant without the sickly sweet ugliness."

"I know," Petunia said in a rush of disbelief, "She even looked less stupid, and I didn't think that was possible." She looked back towards the bowl, "lets not discuss this until we see proof, after we do we might change her back, but with improvements, for a reward."

"Agreed," Harry smiled, "No headaches tonight."

"Cornelius," Arthur said after walking in on the Minister ranting about Harry Potter and how everything was his fault, "Maybe you should relax. Amelia Bones has already threatened you with Azkaban, you really shouldn't attack Harry Potter any more."

"What are you doing here Weasley?" Cornelius Fudge asked snidely, "Shouldn't you be investigating teapots or something?"

"I'm here because as Department Head I have to give you the reports for this weeks investigations, but you should already know that as I've been doing this for years now," He stated, finally using his backbone with his anger, "I think though, since you seem so quick to dismiss all of my Departments investigations, that I should bring this up with Amelia. She'd certainly be a better Minister for Magic."

Cornelius Fudge watched the normally calm man march out of the office, wondering what died up his ass. 'I'll just have to have a few aurors plant evidence and throw him into Azkaban,' the idiotic man thought, 'teach him not to mess with me.' He was unaware that his orders were relayed straight to Amelia Bones who told the aurors, "Arrest Cornelius Fudge for High Treason, Bribery, and Misuse of Power."

That Afternoon the Magical world was ten times better for what happened. The Wizengamot, annoyed at Cornelius's antics, voted no-confidence and he was awarded twenty years in Azkaban prison for his misuse of power. Even Lucius Malfoy was appalled at the thought that a pure-blood, even one so lowly as a Weasley, could have been so easily framed. A movement for all arrests that happened under Cornelius Fudge would be reviewed passed through the Wizengamot with Malfoy spearheading. Under his oath he had to do everything fairly; however, and it was found that many death eaters in the prison weren't actually death eaters, something he had known. He raged against his oath but complied with the best interest of the children in Hogwarts and the citizens of Diagon Alley.

"In the accessing of trials we have found that one, Sirius Black, wasn't awarded a trial. As stated by Habeas Corpus he must now get a trial, and if found innocent must be paid compensation," Lucius Malfoy intoned, knowing what the outcome would be.

"As set by our laws so mote it be," Amelia Bones, interim Minister for Magic, intoned. The Wizengamot was appalled by the lack of justice, with exception of a few who were looking at the Malfoy head with disgust.

Sirius Black was dragged into the Ministry by two aurors with a single dementor guard. His appearance, ragged and beaten, was a shock to all those who had never been to Azkaban. The dementor, looking as sheepish as a dementor could, simply floated. He knew this one was an innocent, but he couldn't help himself from feeding from him. He was delicious.

"Sirius Black, in compliance with the laws of the land you stand accused of Betraying the Potter Family, Killing thirteen Muggles and One Wizard. How do you plea?" Amelia asked.

"Not guilty," was croaked by the bedraggled wizard.

"I see, administer the Veritiserum," Amelia told the guard, who very reluctantly stepped near the man. He was surprised to find the man open his mouth willingly for the three drops of tasteless truth potion.

"What is your name?" Amelia asked the man.

"Sirius Orion Black, head of the Ancient and Noble House of Black." The room gasped, a head of an Ancient and Noble House not having had a trial, ghastly. Lucius Malfoy blanched, not having known he was head, or even heir Black.

"Date of Birth?"

"October 31, 1959."

"Note that the Veritiserum is working," Amelia told the scribe of the court.

"Noted Minister Bones."

"Did you betray the Potters?"

"No."

"Who did?"  
"Peter Pettigrew." Another gasp resounded, those who had known were grimacing. They hadn't wanted this information to be common knowledge.

"Did you kill thirteen muggles?"

"I've never knowingly killed a muggle."

"Did you kill Peter Pettigrew?"  
"To my knowledge Pettigrew is still living." Another resounding gasp, incorporating all the people this time. No one had known the man was still living.

"Who betrayed the Potters?" Amelia asked, partially fearing the answer.

"Peter Pettigrew betrayed the Potters. He was the Secret Keeper for their fidelus charm. I was a decoy."

The court gasped, everything they knew was wrong.

"Kindly let it be noted that Pettigrew's Order of Merlin is now revoked."

"It is so noted," the scribe said.

"After twelve years in Azkaban we the Ministry grant you 120 thousand galleons." Amelia said, "Further more you are awarded 1 year with a mind healer at the Ministry's expense."

"Thank you Honorable Minister Bones," Sirius said as the antidote to Veritiserum was given to him, "Long may you reign." The old greeting was not lost on the highly pure-blood Wizengamot and was reiterated throughout.

"LONG MAY YOU REIGN."

**Yay, Fudge is gone. For Now at least. **


	30. And the World Was Made Anew

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Amelia Bones, Minister for Magic, thought long and hard about how her life was progressing. She had never wanted to be Minister for Magic and was currently shuffling her Ministerial duties with her DMLE duties until Kingsley Shacklebolt could be trained to take it over. Honestly speaking she had been training him for three years to take over, starting after she had dosed them with Veritiserum and asked several questions. Shacklebolt wasn't biased towards dark or light, being a grey wizard, and followed the goddess Justitia as a devotee. Minor goddesses were often worshipped and prayed to in the wizarding world as they had believed in the Gods longer than Christianity or Judaism ever existed. She herself worshipped Luna, a nearly forgotten god said to have once been human.

Looking over her itinerary, Amelia found that Lucius Malfoy of all people had proposed a muggleborn rights act. This would overturn some of the more prejudiced laws in the ministry. Amelia nearly fell out of her seat. Looking over the law she found that it would allow muggleborns to hold a higher place in the ministry than previously allowed. 'HOLY CRAP! ITS ARMAGEDDON!' She thought as that was the only logical answer to this.

Luna Inverse walked among the people of Diagon Alley, under a spell of invisibility. She thought back to the situation which had elevated her and several other former mortals to the rank of God.

It had all started when the fae had done what was considered impossible, they created several pocket dimensions. This created an unbalance within the universe. Energy was being created, as was mass, breaking the laws of physics. Only L-sama had noticed at first and was pleased. The energy and mass created had allowed her to create a new body, without having to destroy the world. This had caused more discrepancies in the universal fabric. L-sama created a way to divert the power from destruction to creation by channelling it into the worlds. The gods of these worlds then gained power, and having the power of Celphied in them made them gain power. Soon they became immortal and following that, Gods. Even gods couldn't contain all of the power though, and they had to create new gods. Soon these gods separated and created pantheons.

When L-sama, billions of times more powerful then they, told the gods that she would be reincarnating Lina Inverse to full-fill a prophecy they were shocked. L-sama liked Lina, why would she cause her such pain. Reincarnations under prophecy were forced to remember their previous lives, and Lina had only wanted to forget her pain in the end. The pain of having to watch all she loved 'die'. It didn't matter that those she loved were saved by L-sama, it had been too much pain.

Luna was the one who was chosen to bare the child, having been a blood relative to Lina she had accepted the role. She had named her new child Harry, for her mortal father of that lifetime. Dying for her child Luna returned to the heavens, watching as her 'sister' was forced to watch her only nephew neglected. Petunia couldn't do anything to Vernon without making the wizard Albus Dumbledore aware of the situation which was something she couldn't do, Albus would simply decide to harm Harry in a different way.

Petunia finally had enough when she found out Harry was a sorcerer instead of a wizard. She had control of him, no matter what that Dumbledore said. Thus with a sadistic streak a mile long Petunia had gotten her revenge.

When Luna had decided to visit Petunia in a dream she was shocked. Petunia had called her a bad mother basically, and then when awoken passed it all off as a dream. It was one thing to call someone a bad mother, but another to call her a bad mother to somewhere other than her face. Enraged Luna had decided not to visit Petunia any more, it simply hurt the most because she was right. Luna shouldn't have bowed to the other pantheon heads demands so easily, her time as a mortal had severely weakened her backbone.

This led to her using her powers to influence Lucius Malfoy, causing him to use fiend-fire on the diary, and getting into the Lestrange vault to purify the cup with a ritual calling on the 'Great Goddess Luna'. Afterwards he found that his Dark Mark was gone. Knowing he'd be branded a traitor he went ahead with his new urgings without problem, anything to keep the dark at bay. He smiled when he discovered his wife was having the same urges and both planned to do it without the others knowledge. They were still Slytherin after all.

Luna thought, 'I will continue this until the other gods find out, and even after.' Indeed out of all the gods of this plane Luna was one of the strongest, only if L-sama disapproved, which she wouldn't, would Luna quit her meddling.

'Lily,' Severus thought, 'I miss you. I miss studying with you. I even miss your complaining about James. Heck I even miss James and his idiocy from time to time.' His melancholy mood due to it being her birth month, and like every January he had gotten her a present and wrapped it, praying to his patron god Luna to give it to her. Every year it would be gone and a brooch would be in its place. This years brooch had appeared before her birthday and was it the shape of an emerald.

"Thank you Luna. Thank you," He called out to the air, hoping the Great Goddess would hear his thanks.

The dark wizard never would feel Luna's presence which flowed around him in a hug, he wasn't powerful enough.

The gods above watched Luna Inverse. Justitia was laughing at what she made the Malfoy's do while Jupiter was furious, but could do nothing. Luna Inverse had created the Greco-roman Pantheon, as their creator she could wipe them all out, for every time the pantheon gained power she gained power. A creator is always greater than her creations. It wasn't like any of the other gods of the pantheon would go against her. Most agreed with her actions while others were indifferent. Luna was even celebrated as a moon goddess in the pantheon. The moonlight was something she had used to create their clothes, and she had used the earth's colours to grant them colour. She had given Demeter her green eyes from emeralds, Hades his black eyes from the void. They could do nothing against her. They would wait.

The Great Gods, who Luna was one of, watched the woman they respected break the rules. They had all agreed no interference upon the Earth, and while they knew they should none could find the will to stop her or reverse her actions. L-sama, who was visiting, had applauded her actions and laughed at her antics. She had even helped in her perverse way, making the Malfoy brat's hair different colours every night, changing his clothes from Slytherin to Gryffindor, and back again every time he tried to see what people were laughing about.

She also looked at her chosen and wept a little. Being an ultimate being she had to make hard choices, and one of those was full-filling a prophecy that only Lina could full-fill. She had done the best she could, blocking the harsher memories from the boy. She knew that the current Lina didn't realise they were his memories, but he would eventually and this made her weep. She was far from emotional, but she had come to enjoy Lina's company. When Lina had asked to be reborn to full-fill a prophecy the Lord of Nightmares had been frightened of what could happen. What if her soul was completely destroyed, what if she was tossed through the veil of death. She agreed though, knowing that if Lina wasn't reborn she would sulk for the next millennia, the world having been destroyed by Voldemort. The plan was devised and Luna was to spend a mortal life-time upon the earth, disguised as Lily Evans, a muggleborn witch. Her child would become a powerful sorcerer and put into motion the saving of the world.

"I only hope that nothing goes wrong," was what Lina said before her reincarnation.

**So now you have the low down on how the world changed. Its all the fault of Fae. If they hadn't been playing with the universe the world would have stayed as it was in Slayers. Oh Well.**

***Omake***

** "Hey," a winged creature said to an elf, "I think I found the way to create a new world. Wanna try it with me?"**

** "Sure," the young, impressionable elf said cheerily, "after all, its not like we will cause discrepancies throughout the universe or anything of the sort."**

** "YAY!" The Fae said.**

**And this is how the current world was created. **


	31. Did Someone Say Draco

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Harry James Potter woke up with the words, "I hope nothing goes wrong," on his lips. It was early, as usual. From the window he could see pre-dawn light, a grey light that signified the sun had yet to rise above the horizon. The calendar, which he had gotten for New Years, declared that it was March 1st . He smiled, it was Ronald Weasley's birthday. Of course Harry had purchased Ron a gift that he didn't believe Ron could accept without bribery, but it would be worth the look on his face. He quickly ran to the shower, which was occupied by George Weasley, Fred Weasley, Seamus Finnegan, and Lee Jordan. Blushing furiously he quickly washed and dried, changing his clothes by flashing them on and ran to the dorm.

"Ron, get up," Harry yelled, getting the present, which was shrunk, from his trunk. When Ron only groaned he jumped on his bed, in time for Seamus to come in.

"Wow Potter, man snatching?" Seamus teased, "I think Granger will hex you." Smirking he dodged the fireball thrown at him and hopped onto the bed with the other two, "So why are we on his bed?"

"I'm waking him up, you are a creep," Harry smirked at Seamus's face, "Ron's birthday is today. I want to give him his present."

With the word present Ron practically jumped up, causing Seamus and Harry to fall. "Harry James Potter, I told you that you weren't to spend money on me!" was heard even in the common room.

"Does your mum give you lessons on that," Harry began, "The yelling?" This caused Ron's ears to get slightly pink with embarrassment, "cause if she does she does a pretty bang up job of it." Ron started smiling slightly, the teasing causing his humour to flare lightly.

Seeing the package in Harry's hands his eyes narrowed slightly, "Harry James Potter, "a deadly whisper came from the redhead, "you better not have gotten me a broomstick," at the slight gulp his eyes widened, "those cost a fortune Harry, you shouldn't have wasted it on me!"

He realised his faux pas too late as Harry started in on him, "WASTED ON YOU! HOW COULD YOU DARE SAY IT IS WASTED ON YOU?" Harry yelled as the twins walked in the room to attempt to cool things down, "IF YOU EVER INSINUATE THAT GIVING YOU SOMETHING IS WASTEFUL AGAIN I SWEAR I WILL LIGHT YOU ON FIRE! OR WORSE, MAKE YOU INCAPABLE OF EATING SWEEETS!" The shudder from Ron was undeniable, not being able to eat sweets was a horrid thought.

The twins looked at each other as they heard the punishment. 'Sweets? Worse than fire?' they thought simultaneously, 'are they serious?' In a mind healer's office a thin, ragged man had the urge to say, "No I'm Sirius, not him," barely refraining at the last second he wondered if he should be doing something other than flirting with the lovely woman in front of him.

Hermione found herself waiting for Ron and Harry in the common room, knowing from the yelling that Harry had given Ron the broom he had bought. She, of course, had known about it the whole time and had even helped Harry pick it out. They had coordinated gifts, Harry giving the broom and Hermione had bought him a broom servicing kit. It wasn't just for Ron, though, as Harry was no longer allowed to play Quidditch they had a horrible seeker that year. He hoped that Ron would work to get good at the game. The movement down the steps alerted her to them coming, she rushed to the steps with her gift, handing it to Ron who was stupefied by the thought.

"You knew I was getting a broom?" Ron asked, incredulous at the planning it must have taken, "I don't know whether to hit Harry or thank him, but if you think it is okay then I guess it is, right?"

Hermione smiled, "a good broom can save your life." He smiled back.

"Yeah," he said, "it can, can't it." He turned back towards Harry who was being hugged awkwardly by George. "Thank you Harry."

Harry smiled widely and said, "You are most welcome Ron." Smiling softly at his friends Harry opened the door. "Coming to breakfast you two, or are you going to snog?" The two blushed brightly yet waved him on, "suit yourself."

As soon as Harry and the twins were gone Ron gathered his courage, only to be kissed by Hermione. They stopped when interrupted by a cough from Ginny. "Ron, you promised you would show me how to enchant items today. I think you should spend it with Hermione instead though," she said, tossing him a package. It contained a battered copy of an advanced ancient runes book. "Happy Birthday." She walked out of the portrait, leaving behind two blushing and breathless thirteen year-olds.

"If one more person interrupts us, can I hex them?" Hermione asked Ron seriously.

"Only if I can enchant something to hit them first," he replied, a smile on his face.

Harry and the twins, more specifically George, were discussing the use of a tickling charm in duelling. It was one of the more serious conversations the group had ever had. Lee Jordan, who was at the breakfast table, joined their conversation when they sat down.

"If you use it long enough they pass out," Harry pointed out, "and it would stop them from challenging you again because it would be an embarrassing way to lose a duel."

"Yeah," George rebutted, "but if you just used a stupefy you wouldn't have to hold the tickling charm."

"I think Harry's right on this one," Lee put his two cents in, "a stupefy and they will try again, nothing wrong with being stunned. Laughing yourself to death is another story."

"I think I agree with both, depending on the situation of the dueller," Fred said, causing a cacophony of 'cop-out', and 'lover-boy'. "No, no, hear me out. If you don't want to fight again you should use the tickling charm. If you want another fight use a stupefy," He clarified, the noise turning to agreement from both sides.

"I see," Lee said, "I agree."

"I do too," Harry said smiling, "but I still think the tickling charm is great. I believe its been described as the 'light wizards crucio'."

"Did someone say Draco?" Malfoy asked walking from the Slytherin table, tripping on the way there and somehow rolling to a stop in front of the table.

"Wow, that was pathetic," Fred voiced what everyone was thinking.

"Agreed twin," George said.

"Ouch," Draco said, "that really hurt."

"I'll heal you," Harry said with an exasperated sigh.

**Oh, Blessed Humble Hand of God,**

**Life and Breath of Mother Earth,**

**Come before me and Show your Great Compassion and Deliver us:**

**RECOVERY**

"Thanks Harry," Draco said, before realising he had said Harry, "I mean Potter." He stalked away from the table.

"Next thing you know he'll want Hermione Granger, and a Rocket Ship," Harry commented dryly.

**If you can't tell there are a butt load of AVPM references. Sorry about them I just couldn't resist. **


	32. The Mazoku Priest

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Lucius Malfoy and his wife Narcissa were sitting in the office of Minister Amelia Bones, smiling slightly at their cunning scheme. "Minister Bones," Narcissa started her proposal, "My husband and I want to open a fashion line."

"I don't see how this is a ministerial matter," Amelia said dryly, her eyebrow arched slightly, "unless you have something you aren't telling me."

"Yes, about that... it was inspired by muggles." Lucius said, tugging on his collar, "You see, my wife and I have taken up muggle watching. Its this hobby started by Arthur Weasley where you watch muggles to see if they have done anything amazing. We noticed their clothing seems so wonderful compared to our own style, so we wanted to adapt it."

"I still don't see the point of this being a ministerial matter," Amelia dead-panned.

"Other pure-bloods might try to block our business citing the misuse of muggle artefacts. We need ministerial approval so it doesn't happen," Narcissa explained, "just think, the muggleborn students might actually get clothes they are comfortable in, and we could easily blend in with muggles."

Amelia had to admit, even to herself, they were selling a good pitch, "Okay. I see where you are coming from. Approved."

Narcissa and Lucius smiled at each other, "you won't regret this."

"I hope not."

Harry Potter was extremely happy, having two weeks until final exams he had convinced Hermione to stop studying for the day and simply practice for the practical portion. He still wasn't sure how he had pulled her nose out of her book but he was going to use the time wisely, by practising the tickling charm. "Rictusempra," he shouted at her watching the stream of pink tinted silver light blaze through her shielding spell.

The laughing Hermione attempted the finite but only managed to turn her hair blue due to being incapable of saying the words properly. Ron, who was sitting at the table of the abandoned classroom they were in, was simply staring at his girlfriends new hair colour. "Blimey mate, I don't want to ever have that charm used against me." He was, as usual, enchanting an object. This one was another charm for Hermione's bracelet, which he had with him so she would have to shield.

Harry pointed his wand at Hermione and said the finite.

"Don't worry Ron, it's a lot more fun then it looks," Hermione said in between wheezes after Harry removed the charm, "Can I have my bracelet back? I feel rather nude without it."

"You realise your hair is still blue, right?" Ron said, a smile crossing his face.

"Yes. I simply want to show my parents there are worse things in the world then fixing teeth magically," Hermione said, counting on her parents penchant for hating unnatural hair colour to seal the deal. Ron walked to her and hugged her tightly.

"I love you Hermione," Ron told her in a whisper.

"I love you too Ronald," Hermione replied, tears coming down her face in happiness.

Harry looked at his bushy haired friend and shrugged. 'Girls are so weird,' Harry thought to himself, 'they don't just do what they want, they have to convince you its a good thing.' He stopped shrugging and silently added a cats tail to Hermione. He walked out the room as the two started snogging.

Sirius Black walked down Privet Drive to Harry's aunts house. He knew that Petunia had married the stupidest muggle in the world, a guy named Vernon Dursley. He still didn't get the appeal of the man. Sirius had obtained permission to approach to sorceress Petunia the Black in order to obtain visitation rights, and Sirius wasn't stupid enough to think he could get anything more than that. If rumour was to be believed his godson was the apprentice of the sorceress and he didn't want to think of the consequences of his actions if he tried to break them up. Blacks were raised to respect sorcerers for their large amounts of magic and the fact that sorcerers would never stop gaining power. Sirius may have hated the fact, but he was a Black.

"Sirius Black," a voice right behind him said softly, he turned to see a beautiful young lady who looked about half his age, "What brings you into my neighbourhood today?"

"I know you..." Sirius said, not quiet recognising the woman... "Who are you? Your so familiar."

"I am Lily's sister, Petunia," Supplied the sorceress who wasn't in her glamour, "The great Sorceress Petunia the Black."

Sirius could hardly believe his luck, the great sorceress was behind him. Then the knowledge that she was older than him hit, "How do you look so young?" He asked her in awe, "You barely look legal!"

She looked at him and stated with dry humour, "When you're a sorceress you don't age like a normal person. Wizards age slower than muggles, sorcerers age slower than wizards and Elves and Fae age about a year for every millennia. We won't go into the gods and the mazoku because trying to find out if they age is pointless. The Demons are about the same as the Elves and Fae."

Sirius was astounded, all his life his family had said Sorcerers were great, but this was unbelievable. They were actually right about something!

Petunia Evans was looking over her son's and her nephew's school reports, unsurprisingly Harry had top scores and Dudley was the third in his year group. Petunia couldn't have been more proud of either, though she would make sure to have Dudley practice wizardry while she and Harry practised for Harry's guild initiation.

The ward flaring pulled her out of her musing, a wizard was on Privet Drive. She acted fast, casting the invisibility spell and flashing to the disturbance. She was in such a hurry she forgot her glamour. In the guild she didn't bother with it, but this was home.

She startled when she saw someone she hadn't seen in a long time, "Sirius Black."

A purple haired man watched the world, which played on an orb, from his throne room. After having destroyed his creator he had been locked within the room by his former allies. He had done so to protect the rest of the mazoku, after all his former creator had attempted to attack the gods. He knew the gods were much stronger now, so much stronger that a new war would have resulted in the annihilation of the mazoku. Still they had locked him up. He had a plan though, he touched the orb, upon which he saw the world of wizards. Disappearing in a flash of light.

The Lord of Nightmares looked down upon the world with surprise clearly on her features, "Xellos has managed to go into the world again. I thought the gods were adamant the mazoku remain in the Mazoku world. Maybe Luna will attack the man, it would be entertaining. I will just inform her this once..." Her smile froze the blood of the gods around her. The Great Gods, long since having gotten used to her vicious nature, turned their attentions to the world and started to create as they hadn't done in millennia. They would ensure their worlds continued existence as the two powerful beings attempted to destroy each other.

**So Xellos worked to save Mazoku kind, the gods had grown stronger than the Mazoku, including but not limited to Ruby Eyed Shabranigdo. This could be interesting. The Lord of Nightmares wants entertainment in the form of epic battle, she might get it too. Read and Review Please. **


	33. The Goddess Battles

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Xellos walked among the wizards, being given wide berth. They could feel the darkness eminating from the powerful 'young' man like a blanket, surrounding him with its cold embrace.. Primal fear swept through the wizards and witches, only their shear arrogance allowed them to walk near him. The muggleborns did the intelligent thing and walked off ito a shop, hoping for a buffer between them and the obviously powerful being. Being, for human didn't describe properly the power holding their senses hostage. 'Lina,' He thought, 'reborn at last. A sorceress from another age among the living.' He looked around the street he was walking, 'this Diagonally isn't as wonderful as last I escaped. It seems to have taken a few hits.'

Luna Inverse's magical glare leveled at the mazoku-priest, "HOW DARE YOU ESCAPE AGAIN XELLOS!" she shouted into his mind, a shriek of an enraged goddess causing shivers even to those who didn't hear it. Even the pure-bloods now chose to find a hide away, a few trying to push Muggleborns out into the streets to deal with the power being felt. Quickly, frightened slightly, the mazoku priest disappeared. He knew she couldn't attack him without risking the other Gods getting angry, but knew not to take chances either. She was a powerful being after all, more powerful then him.

'I must find Lina, I must warn her...' He thought as he teleported again and again, shifting through planes so as to trip up the irate goddess who was chasing him, 'I must warn her quickly.' He split his awarness, one to cause chaos for the goddess to fix, one to find Lina and one to destroy a soul fragment. 'This should keep that woman away from me.

Harry Potter was barely awake that morning, he decided, as he noticed a purple haired child near the wards. Quickly he noticed the child, who he was questioning the race of, couldn't enter the ward structure.

"Hey," the child called, "Hey Lina!"

Harry shook his head and started walking away. 'Creepy kid,' he thought. A blast of air suddenly rocked the world.

"Stay away from my child!" a voice called, beautiful yet terrible. The world shuddered under the sudden pressure, as though it was under the sea. Harry gasped as he turned around to see a ruby haired woman, no woman didn't describe this being, goddess throwing herself at the child. The 'child' reacted quickly, throwing himself to the side to avoid the irate goddess.

"Stop, listen to reason," the child tried, "She must know of the danger. You must allow me to help her."

To no avail, the goddess struck again, wiping away any trace of doubt about her divinity. A bolt of lightning from the sky blazed down to the child, who vanished quickly only to reappear a few feet away, completely unscathed. "She will be fine, I will save her!" The goddess cried. Harry looked around to see if a girl was present, there was none.

"The other Gods will interfere if you try, you know it!" The 'child' shot back, a fireball shooting at the water the goddess was wielding, "I can move with impunity as I am the only Mazoku who can move freely."

Mazoku, the word chilled Harry to the core. A demon of unparalleled power. A chill surrounding the ward structure made Harry realise these two beings weren't alone.

The Mazoku was the first to notice, "Dementors, who it their right mind would allow these things to continue existence." Robed creatures were floating in, a mist appearing with them. They looked like death incarnate, scabby dead grey hands appearing out of a hooded robe, grey mist accompanying them like a piano to the flute.

"These are after my child!" She struck with her power, blasting them away. Her vicious divinity attacking the rotten flesh, and just as a flash of lightning, it was all gone. Everything that he had seen, everything that had been there, vanished. The sun shined upon his face as he slowly forgot everything he had just seen except the Dementors.

'What were those robed things?' Harry thought inarticulately as he went back home, where his aunt and Dudley were awaiting the results of the end of the year exams. 'Only two days into vacation and I'm attracting trouble,' he thought.

"Harry," Aunt Petunia wailed as he came in, "we picked up Dementors on the wards, are you okay?" Her body currently hung off of him, the glamour gone. Dudley stared at her openly, it was the first time he had seen his mother without her glamours.

"Aunt," Harry said, his breathing hindered by his aunts long strawberry-blonde hair, "I think Dudley is surprised by your appearance."

She looked down upon herself, noticing the lack of curves she had normally glamoured herself with, "Well, I still look more mature than that shrimpy vampire girl." Harry gave her an odd look, "a little bit before your time kid."

"Vampires are their own race right?" Harry asked his aunt, who nodded. "How did they come to be?"

"Well, it was a millennia and a day ago I think when a group of sorcerers decided being long lived wasn't enough, they wanted what the Elves and the Fae had, immortality. They devised a powerful enchantment, rendering them immortal, but they didn't realise that drawing that much power into themselves had a side-effect. They would have to drink blood, or avoid the light of day forever. Most of the group had added a ritualistic effect, that they would eventually grow out of this weakness, and their children wouldn't carry it. This weakened themselves though, which a few of the group didn't like. That portion of the group decided they would attack the weak mortals to gain their power."

"Didn't anyone do something?" Dudley asked his mother, entranced by the history.

"Yes, this is how Veela came to be as well. Veela, who are fire incarnate, came from an enchantment placed upon their bloodlines. To wield fire without a spell, so that even a non sorcerer could summon the flames. The side-effect was much more pleasant for them. They have an allure, which most of them despise. Vampires are weak against fire, and Veela Fire will destroy many of them quickly."

"What about Werewolves?" Harry asked.

"A curse on a family line. Some Werewolves can control themselves though, in ancient legend," Petunia answered, "It is possible to alter the curse so they can, but I don't have a werewolf to test this on."

She was interrupted as a brown barn owl screeched as it flew into the room, a letter from Beauxbatons in its talons. A second later Hedwig came in with Harry's scores. The letter from Beauxbatons was written on a blue parchment with black ink.

Monsuier Dudley Dursey,  
Je suis heureux d'annoncer vos scores pour le cours de deuxième année ont dépassé nos attentes d'un jeune homme qui a raté sa première année. Vos scores sont les suivants.  
Charms-O  
Histoire-EE  
Transfiguration-O  
Astronomie-A  
Défense contre les Magic-EE  
Potions-EE  
Herbology-O  
Nous sommes heureux de vous recevoir pour l'année suivante et demande gentiment que vous vous souvenez de Runes et Arithmancie sont tenus au cours de magie Beauxbâtons Accademie.

Sincèrement,

Madame Maxime

The brown owl, after gobbling bacon from Harry who had summoned it for the little guy, winged out the window back to the Academy where Olympe Maxime, a one time friend of Petunia's was waiting.

Mr. H Potter:

Harry, I am glad you started applying yourself. You and Ms. Granger tied for First in Gryffindor House. Congratulations. Your scores are as follows:

Charms- O

History- EE

Transfiguration- EE

Astronomy- EE

Defence Against the Dark Arts- O

Potions- O

Herbology- O

Please choose your electives for next term by July 3rd. Thank you.

Minerva McGonagall

Harry smiled at the warm letter. Professor McGonagall was a much better Headmistress than Albus ever had been, and she did almost all the paper work. Thankfully Filius as Deputy Headmaster calmed those in the Wizarding society who had thought that the old witch was too powerful, especially for a woman. They still got a few Howlers saying that women should know 'their place', but no one put stock into it.

Another barn owl swooped in, a _Daily Prophet_ tied to its leg. Harry held out his arm for a perch while Hedwig shuffled to his shoulder. After Petunia handed the owl a knut, which she had scattered on the table, the owl released the paper and flew back out the window.

"Thank the gods I used a ward to repel muggle eyes," Petunia joked, "otherwise they might start to think something is up with us." She laughed slightly, knowing that the muggle neighbours did think something was odd about the house, but couldn't pinpoint the reason.

Dudley just smiled and waved a hand, causing the dishes, which were in the sink, to start washing themselves. "Yes, nothing odd here at all," he commented dryly, "dishes wash themselves in muggle homes all the time." A ministry owl would normally have swung in by that point if it weren't for the extensive warding on the street that prevented magic from being detected.

"Aunt Petunia, you said Sirius Black visited you right?" Harry asked his young appearing aunt.

"Yes, for visitation of you," she replied smiling, "I told him he could see you on your birthday, if he brought a gift. I believe he wanted to buy you a new broom until he found out you couldn't play Quidditch because you're a sorcerer. Then he wanted to blow up the ministry for their bigoted ways." She smiled slyly, "I almost let him too."

"That's nice of him," Dudley said, smiling, "I heard Aunt Marge was nearly arrested for hitting Vernon, the police let her go when they heard her side of the story."

"I know," Harry smiled, "Its so nice to see the shoe on the other foot."

"Indeed," Petunia smiled, drinking tea from a traditional Japanese tea cup, "I'm so old."

**I honestly couldn't resist that last reference, 100 points to anyone who actually gets it. Or the other references in the story. I really like referencing works. I don't claim them in any way though so its okay. They belong to their respective owners. I just play in the owners sandbox. Lol. Read and Review. **


	34. Read and Review

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Harry squinted at the obscure tower before his gaze, seeming to defy logic by how it stood. Black, tall and very old was the headquarters of the Sorcerer's Guild, a collection of the most powerful magic users upon earth. A legendary hold of knowledge and a legendary prison for those who attempt to destroy the world. Today, July 1st, he would be testing for his certification as a full-fledged sorcerer.

"Shall we go in," he asked his aunt smirking, "You are the only one here who can open the door, being a full-fledged sorceress, Petunia the Black." His teasing smile was infectious.

Chuckling to herself she nodded saying the ritualistic words to open the doors, "I, Petunia the Black, require entry into the Sorcerer's Guild. Open before me guardian of knowledge." The Gothic styled doors swung inward, granting them entry into the main hall of the guild. There to greet them were the elder sorcerer's which included Zelgadis Greywords, a Chimaera.

"This is your apprentice, Petunia? He can't be more than 12," Zelgadis's smile betrayed his dismissive words. He had once known a sorceress so powerful that she destroyed a piece of Shabranigdo, she had been around the same age. "Very well, he will be tested," he motioned them to follow him into another room where the testing would take place, "Please allow us to be seated, being over three thousand doesn't fair well on my body." Though he said that he barely looked thirty, his eyes sparkled with life and strength, and he moved with purposeful grace. It was easy to tell why he was an elder.

"Please demonstrate a fireball spell for us please, incanted out loud," a grey haired elder said, his green robes horribly clashing with his black toupee.

"Yes elder sir, full incantation or partial sir?" Harry asked cheekily, knowing that partial incantations were harder.

"Either," Zelgadis said, before any of the others could speak. The others may not have wanted others to have too much power but Zelgadis wanted to see his potential. The boy's aura reeked of power, quite like someone else he had known.

"Thank you sir. **FIREBALL**," his incantation triggering a fireball to appear in his hand as a red blaze of heat and light, the size of an average man's head. Harry threw it swiftly at a wall in the room. He smiled mockingly bright, "Next spell?"

"Light spell please," a particularly bored elder said, "we don't have all day. Hurry."

"**LIGHTNING.**" He incanted, pouring energy into his hand causing a glowing ember of light to appear, it was bright blue in colour. Petunia smiled at her apprentice, knowing the colour was his personal favourite.

"Can you do a Dragon Slave?" One said, her glasses perched on her nose. She appeared snobbish, with her eyes slightly upturned from the apprentice taking the test. She had never heard of a child so young taking the qualification exams to become a full-fledged sorcerer, especially not one who had so little training.

"Yes."

"Please demonstrate."

"Are you insane/ out of your mind?" Petunia and Zelgadis interrupted simultaneously. The thought of the astronomical power of the Dragon Slave placed within a small building was suicidal to the two beings. They looked at her with the thought evident in their eyes causing her to chortle merrily.

"Oh, Please. I doubt he can actually pull it off," unknowingly provoking the boy she continued, "he's probably just boasting, it doesn't take too much to use a partial incantation for those two spells. I say we boot him for lying and get it over with."

**EARTH BELOW ME,**

**SUBMIT TO MY WILL:**

**DUG HAUT**

Spears of earth rained upon the woman, hitting her dead on but hitting no one else, almost as a tribute to his finesse with magic. As a sorceress she was defended from some of the damage, but she was stunned by the sheer power that was placed into the spell. "Maybe I was too hasty with that judgement."

"You think," Petunia said dryly, "be thankful he didn't use Dragon Slave on you or else everything in a few hundred yards would be evaporated." The awestruck expressions on the face of the other elders hadn't disappeared, to use the spell and to control it so well was unbelievable.

"You pass," Zelgadis said smiling, "welcome aboard sorcerer." Handing him a parchment they saw the name that showed up, 'Harry the Pink.' A gasp resounded in the room.

L-sama smiled at her slight interference. The Greater Gods simply stared at the paper, knowing they couldn't change it, L-sama was just more powerful then they. The Pantheons had each felt the power that had touched the earth, but couldn't put a finger on who it had belonged to.

"It was one of those Greater Gods," Jupiter ranted, "they don't ever listen to the rules!" Nicely forgetting the fact that they are the creators of the Pantheon gods, of course, Jupiter started to bad mouth each of them in turn.

'That stupid god,' the others thought mournfully, 'he'll get us all killed.' They went about their duties quickly, hoping to escape the Greater Gods wrath. Justitia answered a strange prayer, one from a Kingsley Shacklebolt, '_please save my country, please. We need divine interference. The pure-blood contingent have been attempting to kill two innocents for their business. Please Save These People.' _Justitia smiled at one of her devotee's that day, protecting the Malfoy's would take her mind off the stupidity of her leader.

Lucius Malfoy felt somehow lighter in that moment, as though nothing could go wrong even as he saw the death eaters, for he knew they were death eaters even without the regalia, enter the store with their wands out.

"You'll pay for this blood traitor," Avery said, "AVADA KEDAVRA." Not a single spark issued from his wand, "AVADA KEDAVRA." Again nothing issued from his wand. He shook it and then looked to his partner and aimed, "RICTUSEMPRA." Nothing happened.

Aurors entered quickly into the shop, "Halt death eater scum!" The five men in regalia were trapped, caught in between the proverbial rock and the hard place. They couldn't use magic, it was as though the gods themselves had intervened.

A death eater, this one Goyle, stepped forth and brandished his wand, "AVADA KEDAVRA!" his shout came with no green light, but a single flower came from his wand. White and gold, with a note reading 'Sincerely, The Gods.' The death eater's collapsed, frightened. The gods were against blood purity, what would happen to them all? Their ideals? Their way of life?

**Even the other gods don't seem to really like Jupiter in this, probably because he is always whining. Poor Gods to have to listen to that all day. Anyway, I have an idea for a new fic so I might be a bit preoccupied. I'm still continuing this one though. I just will have to do both. Read and Review.**


	35. Dementor Trouble

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

July 3rd came and went with Harry signing up for Arithmancy and Runes, two classes required for warding and spell crafting. Harry didn't particularly agree with how wizards went about crafting magic, especially since magic was easily done for sorcerers. Pick the power source, ascribe effects, use name and you got yourself a new spell. He was even creating a new spell for the Library of Sorcery in the guild hall, one that would, hopefully, scare off Zelgadis Greywords who was again stalking the youth. He thought he was being so clever, under the invisibility, but he couldn't be more obvious.

"It should probably be Black Magic," Harry said aloud, "something like Darkness beyond blackest pitch..." Zelgadis froze, "King of Darkness that shines Gold upon the Sea of Chaos," startled, Zelgadis started hyperventilating, the fact that he knew parts of the spell was more proof. He needed to see Xellos.

The purple haired mazoku priest, Xellos, was dodging more attacks from the irate goddess. "Please Luna, if you have any love in your heart, he must know who he is," reasoned Xellos, "if he doesn't he'll never successfully call upon the Lord of Nightmares. He could shatter the third dimension."

"I won't let you hurt him in this life. He's had enough pain as it is," she shrieked, "and he won't have to use Giga Slave, he can call upon one of the Greater Gods." Lightning soared from her hands, destroying the small muggle city in China, missing her mark because he teleported, "stand still or else," she shouted at him.

"You're going to shatter the third dimension yourself, never mind him," Xellos screamed at her, "you've already killed a large portion of the non-magical population, after all this made half a billion of them." He swept his arms in a grand gesture, "The other gods have reinforced the earth, not its people."

A tear rolled down the goddesses face, striking the earth, but she still faced the mazoku, "you are going back to the other side." She told him, fierce determination present on her face, "or you are going to behave." The mazoku smiled at the goddess.

"I'll behave Kami-sama, I promise I will behave. I will torment the death eaters," he told her, "but I won't talk to Lina directly."

She sighed, that was as good as it would get. "Okay, now I am going to gift some mortals with magic," she shooed him off, "hurry before I change my mind." He didn't have to be told twice, He vanished to make death eaters lives hell. Starting with Scabbers.

Wormtail was a simple rat, and there were indeed times he forgot he wasn't actually a rat, all he wanted was to sleep and eat. Sometimes he ate large amounts of sheets, just to see why they were so familiar, and other times he ate his rat food. It was the third year for Ronald Weasley, his owner, and he along with everything else had changed quite a bit. Dumbledore was apparently a Dark Lord, and his owner no longer went about lazing through life. In fact he was on his way to being an enchanter, something the wizarding world of Britain was running out of quickly. It had been decades since a truly competent enchanter had rose the ranks of the wizarding world, and it was usually muggleborns or foreigners. This led to them leaving Britain as no one would hire them for the jobs they were the best at. In fact it had been a law until earlier this year that if a wizard of pure-blood wanted a job that a muggleborn possessed then the pure-blood would replace the muggleborn.  
With Lucius Malfoy helping pass new laws for muggleborns, and foreigners now, wizarding Britain was at an all time high for wealth. Even the dark pure-bloods were following him in this trend, something silly about how their magic didn't work when they were attempting to punish the 'blood traitors'. Of course Wormtail knew that blood didn't account for anything, he was one of the few that knew Voldemort and Dumbledore were half-bloods. Harry Potter was a sorcerer and a half-blood, which was something amazing in itself. Most sorcerer's were either from Sorcerer lines or muggleborns, though with his aunt a sorceress he supposed it was the beginning of a sorcerers line.

"Scabbers," called his human, "Come on, time for food." He rushed to the sound of the voice only to be confused, where was his human?

A frightening fireball flew to the ridiculous rodent man, singeing his tail. He looked around and squeaked loudly. His fright made him pee, and defecate, in pure panic. 'What in OZ?' Wormtail thought to himself, 'Fireballs don't simply appear out of no where?' Then he felt it, a dark presence like none he had ever felt. Even his former half-blood master, Voldemort, wasn't this dark and powerful. In his fear he did the only thing he could, he fainted, mindless of the defecation and urine he fell into.

"Well that was certainly gross," a mazoku copying a boys voice said, "Good thing that his family had gone to Diagon Alley."

Ron Weasley was facing the hardest decision of his life, "Fred, George, do you think Harry would like a book for his birthday? He spends as much time in the Library as Hermione does, so do you think?"

George was thinking the same thing and nodded, "I was going to get him one, but what if he wants to actually, you know, get a present from me that was thoughtful."

Lee Jordan, who had walked up just in time to hear that said directly behind him, "You act like he is your boyfriend George," he smirked with surprising subtlety, "Did you guys agree to date, or are you just hopeful."

"Hopeful," George said, Fred smiling at Lee. The two had decided to date, though Fred still liked Harry. So far it was going well. Fred had already bought Harry a present, a book on prank spells.

"I hear Sirius Black was going to be at Harry's party," Lee said smiling, "you'll not only have a sorceress to placate for trying to woo Harry, but a powerful pure-blood Lord." Smiling at George's distress Ron picked a book on charms for the modern wizard and walked to the check out, it was amazing luck that Ron had found several hundred Galleons sitting on his floor that day, allowing them to go out. His mum mumbled something about mischievous sorceresses who should give up while they're ahead and they had gone out to Diagon Alley to find Harry the perfect presents.

George glared angrily at the two gleeful teens, "I am going to get him something amazing and he will love it, so bugger yourselves." The two started laughing loudly.

"Maybe we will," Lee retorted snorting, "we are dating, so it wouldn't be out of character if we did."

George blanched, he hadn't thought the two had gone that far. His envy for that thought nearly made him ill, 'Harry is too young,' became his mental mantra.

Ron blanched at the thought of any of his brothers having sex. It wasn't that he thought it was gross to have sex, just gross that his brothers had sex. Next thing you know, Ginny will be snogging Dean Thomas. He laughed at his own joke, knowing Dean and Seamus were together, and had been since just after Harry had gotten kissed by Seamus.

"Boys, come one," Molly called, her slightly slim figure easily able to navigate through the crowd. The boys had been startled by the transformation their mother had made in the last year or two. No longer was she overly pudgy, but slim and quicker than ever. She was more magically powerful than ever as well. Even the dark families didn't want to mess with her any more, and they messed with everyone. "Petunia flashed in and told me to watch out for Dementors, they were at her house a few weeks ago and, though the wards destroyed them, she wouldn't put it past whoever sent them to her house to send them to us."

"Yes mum." they called as she side along apparated them, they would never know Dementors had showed up to the alley seconds later, and that it was only do to the three aurors stationed there that no one had been kissed.

Amelia Bones was looking at the sad sack of bones in front of her without patience. She had finally learned who had been giving the orders for the Dementors to attack. At first she had suspected Deloris Umbridge but she had denied it, "Making another creature attack! How dare you accuse me of such a travesty," were her exact words, which she had said under Veritiserum. Now she finally had him, "Albert Runcorn, you stand accused, you will be held in the ministry holding facility until your trial," She told him swiftly, having bound him with incarcerous when she had caught him.

"Those blood traitors deserved it!" He yelled at the top of his lungs, "and those sorcerers destroyed two Dementors, they deserve it too!"

"TAKE HIM AWAY BOYS!" Amelia called to the aurors, 'he is obviously mentally unstable,' she thought to herself, 'maybe pure-bloods shouldn't be allowed to marry pure-bloods.'

**Amelia is a force to be reckoned with, and thankfully no more Dementors will attack. George picked up a gift, btw. I won't tell what it is yet. :) **


	36. A Little Flower Talk

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Petunia Evans was enjoying her day with Dudley, who was now skinny though never truly thin, and Harry, who had grown half and inch, as it was a week before school. Laying on a blanket at an all magical beach in Greece was the perfect way to relax before flashing to the French magical sector for a nice dinner at the magical side of L'Ambroisie, a five star dining establishment. They would later shop for extra books that the boys wanted to study in an Alley in London. It would be a busy day, but she and her boys would take it by storm. Speaking of storms the old fogies at the Wizengamot were complaining at the amount of new muggleborns popping up in the _Hogwarts Book of Names_. This would boost the population of Magical Britain but the oldest families felt they would be a menace to society.

"Hey boys, want to read the latest prophet?" Petunia asked softly to the two laying on either side. She waved the much hated paper around, "It might be good for a laugh of two."

Shaking his head slightly in amusement Harry said, "Sure aunt Petunia, hand me the rag," Dudley laughed with silent shakes at his cousins joke, "I'm sure I'll despise the old families even more now."

Petunia, wisely not pointing out the Potters were an 'Old Family', pointed at the relevant articles which Harry and after that Dudley read.

"So, they think people like mum and I are menaces?" Dudley's smirk widened, "I'm glad I don't go to Hogwarts then."

Harry laughed at the statement, "At least Dumbledore isn't there any more. Even Hagrid's been disenchanted with the old man. Finding out that he had been secretly removing classes for the last 50 years to appeal to the pure-blood elitists who couldn't pass the tests was the last straw. I'm just glad McGonagall brought back 6th and 7th year elective choices. I can't wait to take warding and see how Wizard Wards differ from their Sorcerous counterparts."

It had been discovered quickly what he had been doing, in fact it had been discovered that he only dumbed down the half-blood and muggleborn students. He had been being paid by pure-blood lords to drop classes that pure-bloods either couldn't do or didn't want muggleborns or half-bloods to do. Warding, Healing, and even Spell-Crafting had been dropped from course lists, obliviates were handed out like candies to make sure the other teachers didn't make a fuss.

"Let's drop the politics for a moment and just enjoy the day," Dudley said calmly, "after all it doesn't affect us for today, then we go back to wrecking havoc upon the unsuspecting pure-bloods. Let's just relax for the last hour we have until our reservation."

Harry and Petunia both smiled at the boy, for they were both worried about the lasting effects of Vernon's influence. They could hardly recognise the boy in front of them as Dudley. If not for the sandy blonde hair and cornflower blue eyes Harry thought he might not know the boy at all. Dudley, who had once hated reading and writing, was now the third from the top of his class and researched magic with a fervour that few could meet. He wrote and read perfectly and understood words to a college level. Having gotten rid of Vernon was the best thing Petunia had ever done for the once spoiled boy.

"Hey Dudley, didn't you need amulets to protect from Veela Allure so that your friend could have intelligent conversations with people?" Harry asked, curious of the Allure Veela naturally emitted.

"Yeah, but I don't know how to make one. I was hoping mum might make one," He said, a pointed glance at his mother who was sunning herself contentedly, "if not I will purchase one, we have more than enough money to last a lifetime. Even a sorcerer's lifetime to be exact." Dudley knew that his mother and cousin would far outlive him, possibly by a millennia or more, but he didn't mind. In truth he felt sorry for the two because they would have to deal with the death of all their close friends and family. If he married a witch he would at least be able to live their lifetime and die close together. He felt quite lucky he hadn't been born a sorcerer.

"How do you feel around a Veela?" Harry asked, slightly curious.

"I feel nothing, being the son of a sorcerer confers the immunity to me. You being a sorcerer are too powerful for the allure to work. It will ingratiate you to most Veela when you don't drool on them," Dudley smiled, thinking of his friends reaction, "They will at least attempt to kill you with a hug."

Petunia smiled, "but another thing Sorcerer's can do is imitate the effects of the allure, not as powerfully but quite well anyway. This causes a nearly imperceptible drain on the magical reserves, but its worth it sometimes. Observe." Petunia shed her glamour effortlessly and placed a new glamour on. A wave of magic caressed the air around her as men started showing interest. Women glared at her with envy and a few with desire. The boys' mouths fell open slightly as groups of men and women crowded them. "A bit too much," She said, the effect abruptly ending. "You should use that on those twins, I'm sure they'd be speechless."

Harry smiled lightly simply saying, "we'll see."

(that moment in england)

Twin shudders rolled down the spines of two twin pranksters. "What was that, Gred," one asked, "It felt like ice down my spine."

"I think it felt more like someone walking over my grave, Forge," the other commented, "Or as though I will receive the greatest thing in the universe, I may be paraphrasing."

"That was an illogical thing to paraphrase," Fred pointed out, "There weren't any words to a shudder."

(Back to Greece)

"We had better make our way to France, especially since I wish to meet up with this Delacour that caught my son's heart," Petunia said, teasing her son mercilessly.

"MUM! Fleur is just a friend!" Dudley Exclaimed rather unconvincingly, "And I don't know if she even likes me like that." Petunia Sighed.

"You're just going to have to try to get her to like you by being yourself. You are a kind, considerate young man and if she doesn't like you I am absolutely sure we could find someone who would," Petunia said in a soothing voice, "Now lets go to France, we have twenty minutes to get to our reservations." Grabbing both boys she flashed into the magical sector, a place called Little Paris. Guiding them towards the largest building she smiled, Fleur Delacour was right on time.

**Petunia is, obviously, a parent. She doesn't act like it often, but she is worried what Vernon said to Dudley about magicals may have scarred his self esteem. She is worried about how Dudley would take it if Fleur rejected him, which is why she had to mention there were others out there. Read and Review Please**


	37. The Veela Incensed

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**Elvish = :Elvish:**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

Fleur Delacour was walking towards the magical entrance of L'Ambroisie, a five star French restaurant known for its elegance and expense. The towering building, quite unlike most of the magical city of Little Paris, was made of marble and granite. The doors, made of unbreakable glass, were a magical sight in themselves. Crawling in the glass were magical pictures of what the world of the fae looked like, provided by the high elves who owned the establishment. Very seldom did one see anything from Faerie and when you did you were always drawn to it. As a Veela she had protection against the magics of Faerie, but humans didn't. She shook her head clear, she was going to meet Dudley's family today. Walking in she saw the Maitre'd and spoke softly in Elvish, ":Table for Evans:."

":Right this way, Veela Delacour:" Spoke the surprised Elf, who resisted the urge to check to see if his ears were hidden from the Wizards and Witches. Fleur let the understandable reaction go, not all of the magicals here were French and outside of France few magicals were as accepting of magical creatures as those inside. Even now she was getting dirty looks for her obvious heritage. Letting herself be led to the most elegant seating she saw Dudley and resisted the urge to hug the young man. "Evans table your guest has arrived," The elf said, smiling at the powerful beings before him, "Please, don't hesitate to call if you need anything."

"Thank you Razeel, consider the favour you owe me repaid," Petunia said smiling at the elf, as though a joke had been set between them.

"One down, a thousand more to go Sorceress Petunia the Black," The Maitre'd said smiling back warmly at the woman, "I take my leave."

Fleur was astonished, her surprise showing not on her face but within her tone, "Wat did 'ou do to 'ave an Elf of all beings owe a 'uman? Zey 'ate owing ze mortal races anyzing."

"I harboured a village of Elves twenty years ago when I was thirteen. It was during the last war between the Elves and the Fae," Petunia said flippantly, "I proceeded to fight off any Fae that came near enough to attempt to harm them."

Fleur nodded, all magical beings knew that the Elves and the Fae fought over Faerie grounds. The knowledge to create new pocket dimensions had been lost over time and the Elves and Fae often had children, overpopulation of the Faerie space had caused much conflict between the races. Originally, they had simply created a whole new dimension tied to this one, tying several other pocket worlds to it when the wanted, but slowly, after becoming complacent over the worlds they lost the knowledge to do so. The Elders, who remembered how, had either been killed by those who wanted war or died from magical exhaustion. "I zee, zo zou've zeen Faerie?" Fleur asked, puzzled as to how the woman had ever left the place.

"Yes, I've seen it. It was a horrible place when last I was there. The world is tied to its creators family and the realm I saw was a horrid place," a tear rolled down Petunia's cheek, "The family was sick and nearly dying, I healed them just in time to stop that world from not existing. That was when the war ended and Razeel pledged to repay me for all the Elvish lives I had directly saved."

"So that's why you're adamant about calling the brownies by their proper name," Harry said with a smile.

"Zou call ze brownies by zeir proper name?" Fleur said, less surprised than she had expected she would be.

"Of course," Dudley replied, "What else would you call a brownie? They don't mind being called house-elves but Elves mind the implied relation mum says."

"Children," Petunia said, "Let's order the appetizers. I don't' know about you, but I'm hungry and I am sure the young Delacour has yet to eat today."

The Veela blushed lightly, the sorceresses statement correct. She had been so excited to spend time with someone other than Gabrielle that she hadn't eaten breakfast. "I cou'd use a leetle food, Zank 'ou," Dudley smiled at her accent. It was much better than the year previous.

At that moment dishes of food appeared in front of them. Exotic in appearance and smell Fleur, Harry and Dudley weren't sure where they originated. Petunia merely smiled at the three, "Looks like Razeel wanted to really repay that favour. These are Elvish dishes that aren't too addictive for Witches and Wizards. As it is we should be fine as Dudley has an amulet on and the rest of us aren't Witches or Wizards."

Fleur looked at her confusedly, she knew Petunia was a Sorceress, but that meant that Harry was a Sorcerer. Even in France they had heard of how Harry Potter had been at Hogwarts, but Sorcerers weren't allowed at the magical school. She looked closely at the boy, knowing he wasn't a squib, "Eez 'Arry Part Creazure?"

"No, he is a sorcerer, why are you asking?" Petunia replied with her own question.

"Well 'e eez going to 'Ogwarts and 'Ogwarts Doesn't accept sorcerers," Fleur explained her thoughts, "'Ow did 'e get in?"

"Albus Dumbledore," Harry said darkly, "illegally bound me to his level, as it is impossible to bind a sorcerer down past the level of Magus."

**(Quick A.N. I will be putting the Levels of Magic in the End Note: Thank you for you're patience, even if you don't actually have any and I'm annoying you.)**

Fleur gasped, her shock shaking away her careful control, she started cursing loudly. Quickly Petunia put up a silencing bubble so that Fleur wouldn't be heard, "Fleur, Fleur," Petunia said, "It's all okay now. Albus is in prisoned in the guild and the corrupt ministry which allowed it to happen is being cleaned out." The now blushing, angry Veela was still muttering about things she wanted to do to the 'Evil Manipulative Goat-Fucker'.

Dudley was stunned, he had thought Fleur was beautiful, but that was nothing compared to how she looked when angry. Waving his hand discreetly he used a mild cold charm to calm down, if he had known that hormones would be so difficult to control he would have gotten an amulet just for that.

In the Sorcerers Guild prison, one Albus Dumbledore felt a shiver roll down his spine. He knew that if he ever got out of that place, he would die a spectacularly painful death. "Why can't anyone ever believe me when I say it was for the Greater Good!" He cried out, believing that yet another person in Britain had vowed to end his miserable life, "It's not like the brat would have died... Okay so he would have died but I would have killed Voldemort! I would have been the Leader of the Light!" His sobs were heard throughout the dungeons as silencing spells had been placed on the floor to prevent the annoying screams and sobs to be heard by the guild.

**Okay so the Human Ranks of Magic are:**

**Muggle: 0**

**Squib:1-50**

**Hedgewitch/wizard:51-100**

**Initiate Wizard:101-150**

**Average Wizard:151-250**

**Adept Wizard:251-500**

**Magister:501-1000**

**Mage:1001-2000**

**Magus:2001-2501**

**Sorcerer:10000+**

**The most power a wizard can have is 2501, which is the amount of mana they can hold in their bodies without burning up. Burning up is the time in which a Wizard is destroyed from the inside out. The longest time it has ever taken a wizard to burn up from containing too much power is 10 seconds. Part humans, such as half elfs or half giants have a top score of 3000. Fae, Elves, and Goblins have a different Ranking system**

**Elvish Magic Ranks:**

**Base Line: 100-300**

**Novitiate: 301-400**

**Apprentice:401-600**

**Initiate:601-1000**

**Average: 1001-1500**

**Enchanter:1501-3000**

**Supreme:3001-10000**

**Merlin- a part human part elf and part demon was at the enchanter level. He may have gone farther had he not been trapped in a tree on the Isle of Grammarye. Some Wizards can't go past certain levels. Squibs will almost never go past the level of squib, those that do are extremely lucky and were most likely border-line hedge wizards and witches. The Gods aren't ranked do to the fact that if you tried your head would explode from the knowledge of a divine being. Thank you for your time: READ AND REVIEW**


	38. A Preview for the Next Book

**As a longtime fan of I must say this as my disclaimer. DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE POSTING THIS FOR FREE IF I COULD ACTUALLY BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THIS IN ANY LEGAL FASHION. Thank you.**

**This has AU for the end of Slayers and from second year on for Harry Potter**

**The Great Lina Inverse In:**

**How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female**

**or**

**Lina Inverse Rides Again**

**A.K.A.**

**FATE SUCKS**

**Dream:**

** Defeating Shabranigdo for the first time, Harry was getting tired. Already getting world weary he hid it from his friends, Zelgadis and Gourry wouldn't ever realise. They wouldn't, at least not until it was too late. L-sama hadn't realised at the time that lending so much power to a human would drastically change them. Harry had gained a little of L-sama's weariness, and just a mere fraction more power. He would never be quite the same, but he would hide it well enough. **

** Xellos was the one to first realise that something was odd about him, enough power to destroy a Mazoku but enough weariness to weigh down a ship. Harry would always question the strange immortals ways and motivations. Though they developed a tight friendship while Lina lived with L-sama, they would never quite have that while Harry still lived. **

** "Xellos. The Mazoku race mustn't be destroyed. You must stop him," He had told him, "Don't let them war with the Gods again!"**

**End:**

Harry woke up with a headache on August 31st. Tomorrow started the next year. "Ah! Damn!"

**The next book will be out when it is out. The next Year will be called FATE SUCKS: Magical School Woes!**


End file.
